Not for the first time am I missing uni. I guess mostly the freedom and not having a parent/brother pop up every few minutes and ask you to do something or just distract you. But I already knew this summer would drag. A school child can't wait for summer and then it goes so fast, but me, who's life is now changed by uni life, didn't want the summer and knows that it is going to be a long boring one.
I can't write! I'm struggling to do it and mostly this is because of lack of 'alone space', inspiration and the constant nagging of friends-who are disparate to get their hands on the next set of chapters- but for reasons mostly relating to this, won't be getting them till I say so.- So I'm frustrated at myself, I can't get my stress relief and then I just get lazy and waste my day on stupid things like facebook farmtown, watching silly TV shows and listening to bad music.
I guess also there is nothing to look forward to this summer.....we're not going on Holiday and normally this is the one break I really love! No matter where we go-mostly some place in England in the car or in Wales camping, or what the weather is like, I just love getting out and having breaks from everything! TV, Internet, the house and sometimes my family and just the idea of exploring new places and seeing new things, its just something I like to do and does make my summer. But this year and it is mostly because of the money problems in the world, we won't be going anywhere and this is also part of my depression.
My mum's stress rubs off on me far to much. kinda like a nasty cold, once she's got it, I'm bound to get it and so this has happened tonight. It's the normally thing now......the lack of stuff done around the house which I'm sure also comes down to a number of things: I'm a girl, I'm the oldest, I now go to uni not school and I don't have a job and really I'm lazy and spend much of my time in bed or doing something that she things I don't need to be doing. So my mum moans about my lack of 'doing' around the house, which is fair enough and I'd understand if I didn't do anything, but that is not the case, I do stuff! okay, not every day like and maybe only when I'm in the right mood or have been forced but nobody is perfect and I feel like she's just out to get me because of the way things are.
So she told me to get a job and of course people know how hard that is during this time, but still I looked and there is a lot of jobs out there, but my problem is I lack the qualifications that most of these jobs want! I can't drive, do computers, plumbing, phone sales or door to door sales, teaching, child care, nursing, cooking, cleaning or caring. My areas are with animals-pet shops and animal homes and with books and creative writing. There's hardly any of these jobs going in my area. So what then? Behind the till at a supermarket or a bar? Knowing what my friends who work at these places say I'd rather not. I guess I'm really am being Naive about this job thing. I've never had one before. I've done work experiences and helped out, but a paid job I've never done. I've led a sheltered life and its hard to break away from that and of course what I really want to do; to be an author and poet, just doesn't happen over night and that's why I'm doing what I'm doing at uni! To live my dream! I've not got the energy at the minute through, all been spent on fighting and job searching.
I feel like doing what my dog is doing right now! Sleeping at my feet, safe in her dream world of chasing rabbits, postmen on cycle bikes and eating large juicy bones. Then waking up and being wanted and loved. A dog's life would be easier then this one right now!
