May Update Part 2 : Why are people so mean to each other?

Hi readers,

I'm slotting in another update post this month as something has been on my mind and I wanted to share it with you all.

Last week, I was walking quickly down the street to work and as I passed a queue of cars waiting at the traffic lights, a male passenger in one of the cars lend out of a window and shouted at me 'how you doing, Fatty?'

My feet slowed, I stared at him, my expression become a mixture of shock, upset and anger. I ran through everything I could respond to that in my head. I was on the edge of telling him to 'F off,' but then I walked past. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him laughing with his mates then the car drove off.

What he said stayed with me but I had to put it out of my mind to concentrate on working. Reception was tough that night as I'd had to switch my day shift to a night shift as the other receptionist had phoned in sick. It was a junior session too and they are always so much hard work! I got through it but those words still stuck with me.

I keep thinking of all the things I should have said and how I could've turned that conversion around. I could have shocked him by answering calmly back, by making a joke of it, laughing at him. You know? All those things you think about afterwards. Of course, if I'd gone the other way and turned aggressive towards him, he might have said more hurtful things. Maybe, even taking it further. So, maybe it was a good job I walked away.

There's no way I'm letting that get to me. I've been called worse things. Strangers judge you in a few seconds and act upon what they see. So, there's no way that man could've know that for the last 10 years I've been battling a long term health condition that some days affects me so badly that I can't leave my house. It's the main reason why I struggle to control my weight. Luckily, my new drug is controlling things enough that I've now started losing weight again and I do want to keep trying.

In contrasted to this, at work I don't let anyone disrespect me. If a young person is rude to me or says something I don't like, I address it fast. I follow the guide I got in my training and stick by the rules. The youth centre is like school in that respect, we don't take any misbehaving from anyone and we try to teach the young people why it's wrong and they can become more respectful.

I have a new motto; like water of a duck's back. To try help shrug it off. But it seems to have lingered still and it got me thinking, why is it easier to be bad then to being good?

I thought I'd look into it. I remember at some point hearing it was easier to be bad because it takes up less energy and thinking time whilst if you are good then it uses up more energy and more thinking. It's the same with smiling and frowning; you use more face muscles to smile and a lot less for frowning. 

In religion, it comes across as being easy to sin. Think of Eve eating the forbidden fruit, tempting Adam to try it too and God banishing them both out of Eden. It's harder to stay good and follow the book and church even though religious people know that's what they should be doing. However, getting rid of sins/badness comes across as being simple; pray for forgiveness. 

Having a negative mind goes along aside this. It's easy to be unmotivated and lazy. It takes a lot to do activities, even if they are hobbies we like. Staying positive can be really hard to do - I for one know that really well! Remember the last life update post? There are much more benefits to staying positive though, like achieving in life, love and career. 

There's so many scientific and religious theories/information out there too. So, far I've not found truth to my first thought; energy usage. I've concluded it would take too much time for this post if I did try to find it! What I can say though is that it is easier to be bad then good for many different reasons. Some people say it's because it feels better emotionally and mentally to be bad then it does to be good, even though it seems we get the same 'high' when we are nice and helpful to people. 

Getting back to what I opened this post with, to round things off and make it a positive ending, on a total opposite spin to being insulted, later that night my wonderful boyfriend texted me and told me I was beautiful. He really likes my body and understands all my issues which helps a lot. He often calls me beautiful, sexy and hot with a lot of meaning. It's a total boost to my confidence and reminds me that there are people out there who do find me attractive.   

So, in conclusion for this post just remember that no matter what 

Thanks for reading!


Research links:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beyond-good-and-evil/201405/why-is-it-easier-organize-evil-good

http://thoughtfulreading.com/psychology/good-people-vs-bad-people/

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/four-ways-topple-negativity-bias-0114137/

January Life Update: Welcome 2017!

Hi readers and welcome to my first post of 2017! 

I hope everyone had a good time celebrating the first day of the new year and all the best to everyone. I plan to keep this post short and once again I have no photos, so that should help! I had a quiet night in with my family and my boyfriend. We played board games, watched a few movies and then the fireworks in London on the TV. They always look really good and whilst I do wonder what it would be like to be there one year, I just think it's easier seeing them on TV! 

Beside from that I've had a chilled last few weeks and I've not been doing much really. Though I've read three and a bit books, wrote some short stories, spent time with my family and watched lots of movies. Now though, its back to normal. I was in work today even though it was a bank holiday. The youth centre never closes! It was quiet though, just people ringing to see if we were open and asking to pass on messages. I read my book, wrote some stories, did some colouring, watched You Tube videos and listen to music (I had permission from my supervisor, of course!) I also made a dream catcher, which I'm running as a craft activity tomorrow. They are not that hard to make, though mine didn't turn out right- made a few mistakes, but it turned out okay. I think the kids will like them. 

It was a bit boring just sat there in a building that was empty but for me and one or two other people. But hey, I got paid and I could do what I wanted, so I can't argue with that. Though it didn't help with my sleep problem! For the last three nights, I've been in the living room on airbeds and sofas as we don't have a third double bed in my family home. So, I've not had much sleep and I've been going to bed late too! I'm hoping for a better night tonight! 

So, like everyone else I guess, I've been deciding my New Year resolutions. Though I like to see them as more of goals for the year then just giving up bad habits and other stuff. The typical one of lose weight is on there. I was actually doing okay with that last year, but then ill health, October and December holidays haven't helped, so I'm going to give it a short again. I'm still a member of the gym and I plan to go swimming and to the gym with my mum three times a week. I also want to take my dog out more for longer walks and reduce sugar in my food. All that should help. I've found going on diets, following rules and cutting out foods doesn't work for me. I get cravings for things and I can't fight it easily. Also, due to my ill health, things can be effect by not eating enough or eating too much of certain foods. During last summer it did actually work, so I just need to try harder to stick to it now.   

I've also decided not to buy any books this year beside from ones by J .R. Ward - my favourite author who's got two new books coming out this year- and a manga series called Assassination Classroom. That's because I need those books and I know I'd just break my goal for them. The reason I've decided to try and not buy any books is because I have too many to read and I don't have space any more. Yes, I do have a kindle and a laptop now, but I spend most of my time looking at screens as it is and I like physical books far better. I've added a side rule to this that books people give me or are free are okay to have. In 2015, I went 6 months without buying a book. This year, I hope to go the whole 12! 

That goal fits in with my third one; save more money! I so need to do this if I'm to get my main goal of getting a car this year. I want to make sure I can afford one and though I probably can do, I really want to make sure of it. So, I need to get better at saving money. I plan to try and set a minimum of £100 a month, but to try and set more aside. This means I'll have to work more hours, but that doesn't seem bad if it's worth it. 

So, that's four goals now. I think that's enough to be getting on with. Of course, there are things like write a novel, get the short story collections sorted, look for another part time job or a full one, move out of my family home and into my own place, work on my relationships, spend more time with my friends and travel a bit more too. 

I found lots of different resolutions and goal settings online. I picked out three that I wanted to try myself as they look really good. Here they are;     

This is the first one I found. It's a list of 12 single words that you use to complete sentences with which allow you to create simple or complex goals. For example; give more to the homeless or visit Germany.  http://www.artbarblog.com/create/this-year-resolutions/  

The second is a list of resolutions ideas which is good if you are stuck for ideas, or you want to achieve something different. For example, 'try meatless Mondays' and 'volunteer more.'  

http://easycollegecoupons.com/the-ultimate-list-of-2017-new-years-resolution-ideas/

The third is this monthly guide which has a different goal every month but they are all really useful for. I like this idea because it helps create good habits and since the time line is short things can easily be tried out and achieved more. So for example; in July try drinking more water and in March get organised. http://www.cleverpedia.com/new-you-for-the-new-year-challenge/ 

What are you new year resolutions? 

Happy New Year and next Monday it'll be the first book review of the year. See you there!