May Life Update: My First Car

Hi readers!

Well, Saturday marked a big life achievement for me as I brought my first car! I'm still a mix of feelings and thoughts right now, so much so that sometimes I'll just go to the front door and look out at my car. I still can't believe it belongs to me now. It's the most expensive thing I've ever owned but it's going to become one of the best!

I'm currently learning to drive all over again. It's been about a year and a half since I last drove. I got very ill and the medication I was on meant I couldn't drive. Now, though I'm much better and with more money in the bank, I thought it was time to plunged through all my fears and go ahead.

I saw this car online and it ticked all the boxes, so I thought why not go to see it? When I got there a weekend ago now and saw it for the first time I really liked it but I wasn't sure it was for me. Then the second car I want to see, made up my mind and I decided to just go with it! This fact as totally not sank in yet and it's going to take a few months I think.

Its an automatic which is far easier for me to drive. I learnt in a manual but struggled with the gears and clutch. That is the other reason I'm having to re-learn because it's a different feel and actions to do things. I'm really struggling with reversing right now because it's all done on the brake but sometimes that can actually stop the car if you move your foot too much off. Parking forward I can do but reverse parking is a total no. So, I need the practise real bad.

My parents and boyfriend have been super supportive and have come out with me a few times now. I need to go by myself, but I just don't feel ready yet. Driving to work is so easy though because it's 15 minutes up the road with only a few traffic lights and then a left and right turn into a supermarket car park. (Work doesn't have a car park!) I shall get there at my own pace and I'll do what's right for me.

I also need more motorway practise. I did have some after passing my test, but more is needed now. I'm only going to do that when I'm happy with my driving though. My mum thinks I'm doing great and I need to give myself ore credit then I have been doing. I've been telling myself off for small mistakes, like not indicating early enough, not slowing down gently enough, not looking in my mirrors enough and not being aware of coming cars on roundabouts. I know though, after more practise that these things will go.

So for now I've just got to keep going!

Also, I finally finished making my bear cushion! It's taken what feels like an age but it's been about 2-3 months to knit him. He's turned out great! My next knitting project is another bear cushion! It's going to be bigger and softer and meant to go with a blanket my mum made, but I don't think that's going to happened!

Thanks for reading and next week hopefully, it'll be a book review!

May's Update

Hi, it feels like awhile since I was last on this blog, even though its been a little over a month. I've not been as busy as I should have been this passed month. I've been writing a story a day for my other blog and working on my novella as well as another short story I've been kinda thinking about making longer. I've been doing what feels like a lot of reading, but isn't really! I've also been following Britain's Got Talent -thank God for the fast forward button though!- and going to work.

My main contraction has been on my driving lessons. I had my driving examine today and though I only got 5 small faults, I got a serious one and thus failed. I'm really frustrated by it and I think the examiner was being a bit unfair. I was carrying out the reversing around a corner move and just as I was about to straighten up and reverse just a bit more back, a Land Rover came behind me. I stopped, believing the driver was going to overtake me and I did give him/she the chance too. However, the road was narrow and I think they believed/knew there wasn't enough room. I then decided to carry on reversing backwards and as my car came straight, the Land Rover rushed passed me. I did stop again, but it seems that I wasn't being observant enough -though I genuine thought I was being!- for me to pass.

I've known for a little while that I need to be a bit more observant and not concentrating too long on looking in one direction. But I just didn't feel the need to do a double shoulder check when I knew there was a car beside me and all I would have been able to see is the side and back of the Land Rover. I was careful not to be moving when they overtook me and I did check again -or at least I think I did- before finishing the move.

Knowing I was so close, does make me feel bad. Perhaps, there's a reason why things turned out this way. It's one I'll probably never know and yet continue to wonder about. The driving exam is so tough. I get why it has to be and I think sometimes if some of the people I see driving unsuitably on the roads were to take the examine they'd fail. It kinda reminds me of a maths test. You spend an age learning a ton of stuff then only some of that appears on the test and afterwards, you use hardly any of it and then forget the bulk of it. Of course, you really shouldn't forget anything whilst driving. But what I'm trying to say is that somethings are just done for the test and then there's no need afterwards.

Right now, I could easily give up. I could easily say that I don't want to drive any more, that it feels pointless and that I just don't want it. But I know I only feel like that because I'm upset and frustrated by one mistake. Everyone says I should be happy that I only got 5 faults and I did really well, better than expected etc. But giving me all the praise in the world doesn't make the failure feel any less. Truthfully, I don't want to give up. Yeah, I know I'm going to end up in a bit of a situation when I do pass my test (I can't really offered the up keep of a car, nor at this moment have any real reason why I do need a car, plus a few other things. But they are for future me to figure out), present me wants it though. Just to say I can do this and here's the prove. It's sort of like another stage of being an adult and more freedom.

I'm not looking forward to paying out more money. I've just had to though as I've now re-booked my test. My driving instructor made me. He said if I didn't then it'd be harder to come back from this and I'd feel less like trying again. I feel oddly determined though, but he is probably right and I would have maybe talked myself out of re-booking it. I got to pay him for more lessons too. Though I don't really need them, I got to keep practicing and improving. At least I know what I've really got to do now and that does help. I'll just keep going and next time give it an even better shot!

    

April's Update

Hi readers,

So much for keeping up with my plan! Life has gotten in the way basically and writing stories, going to work, doing things for work, reading books and having a social life has all taken up most of my time. Plus, I've had days were I've just not wanted to write or days when I feeling down or stressed about things. I know everyone has those days, but sometimes I know its my depression still lingering. I know I should be happier and not worrying so much about things, but I can't help it. I've always been quick to worry and known to panic.

So what's been happening? Well, I've now finished my teaching course and will soon get my results back. Which equals one less problem and a new qualification! At the minute, I'm really struggling with my driving lessons. Though I did better today. I'm due to take my test at the end of the month, but right now I'm not sure if I will be taking it or even passing it. I just seem to have a great problem judging the distance of things, parallel parking and unmarked lined roundabouts. I hope it'll come together in the next few weeks. I've been having lessons a year now and though I've made a lot of progress, its this final part that seems to be taken awhile. Of course, I knew it was going to take awhile, but it just seems I've reached a stage where I just can't get pass it. I guess it'll come with more practice, Though learning how to stay calm would also benefit me. 

I'm still working at the youth center, though its only one day a week. I'm not sure if I will get more hours, but I stay hopeful. I do keep thinking that I should look for another part time job, but right now I'm still happy about taking a break from that. Job hunting can still be hard even when you already have one. 

I've been doing lots of writing, but not been achieving much with it, though my blog is still gaining followers and likes. I want to try and put together an anthology of some of the stories to be published on kindle. Not sure if anyone will buy it, but at least I'm still trying. I've also seen a few publishers where I can submit stuff too and I really need to be getting on with doing that. I also need to be getting back into working on a novel either writing or editing it, because I've not done that in a few months. I think I'll have a go at working on my latest one tonight and try to get another chapter sorted. It's the one I've been publishing on my blog, but stopped after I felt that people weren't that interested in it. I need to keep trying though. 

Finally, I do want to write some book reviews about the last few novels I've read. I really want to share my thoughts on The Handmaid's Tale, Sand and The Book Thief. I will set sometime aside to that. I also want to keep doing this 'updates' on this blog because at least I can try to keep it alive and because it does give me a place to reflected on things without having to be too deep or boring. 

That's it for now. Feel free to check out some of the other posts on here or my other blog for my short stories which is linked below.        

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The First Wheels On The Road

Hi readers,
I've been so busy reading, writing, researching, volunteering and watching The Vampire Dairies season 1, Its' felt like I've had no time for anything else! This week I also took a massive step forward in my life. I had my first and second driving lessons. So, I thought I'd write about that as I've not finished the book I wanted to review this week. Also, that means I can make this post a short one!

So, I've been thinking for awhile that I should look at learning to drive. Time and money have always been against me though, so now that I've a good supply of both, I decided to look into starting. My first hurdle was choosing who to go with. There are a lot of driving schools and self-employed driving instructors out there. After doing some research, I picked a local self-employed instructor, but it turned out he'd retired. So, after much more fussing about, I decided to choose the AA. Actually, my boyfriend helped me to make the leap and I phoned the AA to discuss the price of the lessons.

Suddenly though, I found myself booking my first lesson and having it for Monday afternoon. Of course I could have said no, but I thought that if I've got more time to think I'll only talk myself out of it. Problem was I then spent the weekend with my mind on it and my emotions all over the place. Finally though the time arrived and I met my instructor outside my house. He turned out to be really nice and understanding about my needs.

We drove to this industrial estate and then he got me into the driver's seat. I was really panicky. It felt wrong in a way to sit behind the wheel as I didn't have a clue what I was doing. My instructor was calm and started asking some questions to test my knowledge of the car. I was worried  I'd get it all wrong, but it turned out I did know a lot more then I thought I did. After that and going through some more information about the controls of the car, I got to turn on the engine.

I then got to practice starting and stopping the car. It was really weird to be doing that and driving a little way. It did turn out to be easier then I thought it was going to be, but its still a difficult thing to do. Afterwards, I booked some more lessons and arranged to have two a week. That's not because I want to speed through learning to drive, its' because due to my short term memory problem, its all going to take awhile to stick. The fastest way of doing that is to keep doing the task and not having a large gap of time between doing so. Hopefully, this well help and I'll be able to remember all the steps.

I had my second lessons yesterday and I did feel like some of it had stuck with me. This time I got to drive the car around in a circle. I learnt how to change gears, though I wasn't very good at it! That's so going to take sometime to stay in my head. However, I did drive around a roundabout and other cars/lorries. I do seem to have a problem with corners too and I so need to get the flow of the road better. I shouldn't be so hard on myself though as I'm progressing. I'm sure that after some more lessons, I'll be better and more confident.

I'm looking forward to doing more driving and then officially become able to drive. It feels like a right of passage in away. Like another part of become an adult, which is an odd way to put it, but still. It'll give me that independence and freedom too, well as long as I get a car afterwards! but that's all far in the future.

I did wonder before how I could tie writing a novel or short story into this post. In a weird way, writing and learning to write is kinda like learning to drive car. You've got to take the leap and start out somewhere. It won't happen if you don't do that. Then you just need to take all the teaching in and put things to practice. Then you've got to stick to it and carry on. Then you just continue like that and keep improving the writing and doing research to make it right. In the final stages, you send it out onto the world and test it and yourself. Then if it gets published, you pass.

I'm really looking forward to my next lesson on Monday, but right now I've got more things to go and write.
Till next time.

Image from: http://dailycars-us.blogspot.co.uk/2011/08/new-ford-focus-joins-aa-driving-school.html