July Life Update Part 1: What am I doing right now?

Hi readers,

I'm writing this early too to try and get a head as I'm so busy right now. Originally, the sewing project post was meant to be up first, but then I realized this follows on well from last week's post when I wasn't able to write about two things on there. So, I'm moving that post to August now. Which means the three Mondays for the rest of this month will now be the book reviews of the Soulless Manga trilogy and the first two books in the Custard Protocol series. Though as I've just checked, the second book isn't out till the Thursday 21st July and that's 5 days to read it in. Just pre-order it so it'll come just before or on that day now. Should have got it with my birthday presents, oh well.

The first thing I want to write about today is the question of if  I'm a 'serial dater' or not. Now, my only slight risk of writing and publishing this is that there are certain people I'd rather not see this post. But I do want to reflect on recent things and prove that I'm not really a serial dater. So, as most of you know I broke up with my boyfriend back in January. Since then we've still stayed friends and though this has been hard it's working...beside from not being able to break some of the old habits....

Around April, I decided I had to move on and prove to myself that I was still date-able and not stuck on the highest shelf like a broken doll. I joined two dating websites, both of which I had used before though, this time I was going to juggle being on both of them at the same time. My inboxes every since then have been stacked high with messages from men. Unlike the last times though, I tried to be more picky in which men I message back.

Internet dating is hard. Everyone seems to think it's easy, but to be honest it's a lot easier to lie and just say what you want, because you feel more protected by the screen and being home then say if you met some at a bar or public event. So, I get a lot of messages with men just saying "I have great ect 'place body part here.'" or do "I want to have a one night stand ect ?" I don't reply to those messages. Also, its rare I reply to people not in the same country as me, just long distance dating isn't my thing and I have enough friends right now. Okay, maybe I could do with a few more...but I like meeting up and doing stuff, not just talk online.

I have a lot of rules and stuff in place for my safety as I am so aware of the problems online dating can led too. One of my rules is that I try to spend awhile talking to the guy to get to know him. Another is that the first date is actually called the first meet up and we meet as friends. That's how it's been for all my 'dates' and I have stated this every time, we are meeting as friends. Because it's less pressure off everything really and I'm not in a hurry to get back into a relationship. Not because I'm holding a candle for my ex, but because I've suddenly discovered the freedom of being single. Though sometimes I don't like it, I'm enjoying it for the most part. My long term goal is of course to find someone, but right now I'm happy building friendships. They say that's how the best relationships start anyway.

So, Over the last two months or so I've meet up with four guys now from the two dating sites. To code them, I'm going to give them letters of the alphabet and try not to go into too much detail about them personally (just to protect them and myself, because I'm nice like that).

The first guy, A, I have meet 3 times now. I really like him and we get on, there's this flitting between us which I enjoy too. He's very funny and sarcastic, which I like. He makes me laugh a lot and he finds my stories and jokes funny. Also, all the meet ups we've turn into mini adventures as we end up wandering around looking for places! The downside for me is that he does live far away from me, but he sees the city I live in as his true home and he does want to move here one day. I am hoping things will develop with him, but I'm not sure if it'll last, we don't seem to have that much in common as of yet anyway.

B lives a lot closer and we had an okay first date, even if I ended up taking the led on it. Which I don't mind, but he was lacking in confidence for me. Plus physically, I didn't feel attracted to him. He was really sweet, but I think he was too nice and was happy doing whatever I wanted. Which I didn't trouble me, but some input would have been good. We've stayed in connect and I said we could be friends, which I know he's not too happy about. We have yet to arrange a second meet up.

C and I have met twice now. He seems nice, but like B he is lacking in confidence and also he's shorter then me and I just can't deal with that. There's just something about tall men I like and it doesn't help that I'm tall myself! The first time we met, I had to buy my own drink. which I don't mind - it's not a date! but I think it jarred with me that he didn't even ask me about it or anything....unlike the other two guys. We had a good talk and we did have a bit of a walk too - which is how I noticed the height difference!

We went bowling and for lunch as our second meet up and he talked a lot about this girl he liked. I was actually in one of my low moods and the conversation wasn't that interesting. Bowling was fun though and lunch was okay. I fear that he'll go the same way B went though as he's not for me, but a friendship might work.

D does live a bit away from me and we have met twice now. The first time, I broke my rule of not eating on the first met up. I'm not a shy eater, but I can be a bit messy and I'd rather just get something like a drink which can easily be handled. And I was messy! We had a talk about a number of things and I do feel once again that I was far more confident then him. Though for some reason I was really on edge and so chatty. He was taller then me though and paid for lunch - super nice of him because he didn't have to. But then he give me super mixed signals because he decided to leave.

I don't normally set an end time unless I have to, but that meet up only lasted about an hour and 40 minutes. Which isn't that short but compared to the the four- six hours I'm use to it kinda is. I so thought I'd come on too strong and he'd not liked me. I had all this paranoia about it until he texted me and asked me if I wanted to meet again...turns out he was just super worried about missing his train home though they seemed to be every hour. I agreed and decided to give it another go.

The second meet up went a lot better and actually changed some of my first judgement about him. I think it helped that we went and did something this time. We went to an art gallery and had fun looking at the paintings. He made some jokes and we talked a lot about art and relationships. We went for tea and it was my pick this time, I choice a new place I'd not been to before, but the food was good. We split the bill this time and we hugged like three times before he left.

I'd like to see him again and not just because he said he wanted to go to the zoo for our next meet up! But because I think his confidence will grow and we have lot in common.

So, am I serial dater? I don't believe so. For starts, I'm not actually 'dating' them and they and me know where we stand and I make it repeated clear that's the case. Also, this the first time I've seen a number of men at once. Normally, I stick with one guy and if the first meet up doesn't work then I move on to the next. Actually, I only started dating in my early twenties. As a teenager, I wasn't that interested in boys and it's only been over the last six or seven years that I have changed my mind and become interested in finding someone to spend the rest of my life with.

I looked up what the actual differentiation of a serial dater and there's lots of interesting information out there, but I came to understand that it's a person who has a few dates with someone then moves on to someone else and the pattern repeats. They do this because they like the first stage of dating and don't want to commit to anything. Also they don't want to spend time getting to know people, they enjoy having money spent on them and date people who have nothing in common with them. I don't really tick any of those boxes.

Of course, I know there's going to come a time when either I decide to start a relationship with one of these guys or another I've yet to meet. I currently have two guys I really want to meet up with as well. Then I know I'll have to sort things out because I'm so not a cheat. At the minute I'm having a bit of trouble juggling the four guys I'm making friends with, so I can't imagine managing two different relationships! To be honest, I'm just having fun meeting and getting to new people, which is something I don't do really do.

And before I forget here's a link to a tumblr I llike and some of the posts on here just sum up internet dating messages for me really well; http://really-not-ok-cupid.tumblr.com/ If you need a giggle it's a good thing to check out, also it reminds me why being single can be a good thing!

On the flip side of this, for the past six weeks I have been giving up my Sunday mornings to be a part of the group mentoring at the youth center. It's the first run of this and it's to help 8-12 children who can't do 1-1 mentoring because their problems are not big enough or do to their additional needs they are unstable. But, if once we finish in another seven weeks, the young people still need support they'll go into the 1-1. I thought this would be a good way to start my mentoring as I've not been matched up to a young person yet.

I am finding it tough. It's hard to do anything for the first time even with training and support. I think it's going to take awhile for me to get into it as even after all this time I'm just not getting to grips with it. I'm not going to say mentoring isn't for me, I just think I need more practice at it as with everything. Maybe I need to do some more reading around the subject and look at how I can improve myself.

So the group mentoring sees three mentors, a supervisor, a supporter and eight young people meeting to do a range of activities which I divided into doing an activity often based around teamwork and looking at emotions/feels, lunch and small group time which sees the mentors working with the same 3 or 2 young people in a more focused activity. Now, my two kids are brother and sister and they have a bit of a rough home life, not in any abusive and neglecting ways, just that their mother has a lot on her plate it seems.

Last Sunday was also the second time they'd not turned up and it was the four time all together. It bugs me because I'm giving up my free time to help these kids to reach the reasons they are on mentoring and their mum doesn't seem so bothered to bring them. I'm so hoping this is going to change and that I can now spend the next few weeks actually helping this kids out. I keep telling myself that even if I'm just there for them and they can talk to me and I can teach them one coping technique they remember when they are having a bad time, then I'll feel like I achieved something. It'd be goo if I can do more, but as a mentor there's only so much you can do anyway.

Even though I love my part time job, I'm currently looking for another. I'd love to find some morning work in an office somewhere, so that I could still keep my shifts at the youth center. It wasn't my plan to really stay so long and I wanted a full time job, but I've not had much look and I guess I've become to comfy where I am. But I want to move out and get a car and the only way to really do that is to save up and I need more money to do that. So, I'm on the look out again and hopefully, I'll find something soon enough.

The issue is that job hunting doesn't get any easier really. I find it takes up so much time and it's tiring. Being on sites like Linked In and signing up to temp and agencies does make it easier, but it's putting in all the leg work and the fact I don't get many replies triggers my depression. A few weeks back I had a phone call and I was headhunted for this job as a research at a recruitment center. But the interview was cancelled the evening before because the guy said on reflection I didn't sound confident enough and that totally didn't make any sense to me. Also he wanted to hand in my notice that day before I had the interview so he could hire me the next day! That's just weird too.

In some other news, I have finally got a goal date set for my short story collection anthology release. It's going to be on Monday 1st August. This is going to be published on amazon kindle for £1. Which seems really cheap to me! It's going to be a collection of around 30 short stories from the first year of my other blog The Story Files over on Wordpress. I've been saying for ages that I'm going to do it and now I really mean it. I'll post on here when it's ready.

I so want to look at getting money from my blogs. I know its' difficult to do and most people say it's like a full time job. I've never really wanted to actually get money out of this because it me it's always been my space to just out pour, but it'd be great to get some else in return for writing now. Speaking of that and blogs.....

I had a great idea for a new blog and I plan to start that up next week. My plan is to post on that blog on Fridays and it's going to be about fighting negativity and how to stay positive. This blog is different from my current two and others I've done in the past because it's going to focus on advising people. I had this idea after having a talk with my dad then seeing some self-help books work. Originally, I was just going to make a life post about it but when I started planning it out there was so much I wanted to write about that I thought I could just turn this into a new blog.

I have set a word limit of 500 words per-post because that's about the right word count to draw people in and to read it fully. I try hard to keep the word count down on here, but like I said with this being a space to out pour it can be hard to keep things short!

So, I'll let you know about that when I've sorted it all out.

Update! I've set it up and done the first post! You can check it out here; https://negativitybreakout.wordpress.com/

Lastly, I wanted to write about my future plans. Right now, I'm on a short break in Leeds with my mum. On Saturday it was actually my birthday and this trip to Leeds is apart of that. I might write about that at some point. So, I've got some books lined up for reviewing, more short stories to write, two novellas to finish and I want to get the other two short story collections for the second and third year of my blog sorted and published. I think I'll carry on with what I've been currently doing on this blog, because it seems okay, but I'm hoping my new blog takes off.

Thanks for reading and please stay posted for some updates on all of this stuff soon!


My other blog: https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/


Images from https://pixabay.com

November Update part 2 : Why I give up on NaNoWriMo

Hi readers,

I failed National Novel Writing Month. 

There wasn't an easy way to say that, but I failed to reach the 50,000 word count target in the 30 days of November. I only got to just under 15,000 words, though Trust is now at 44, 383. Which is still under! I do feel a little bit annoyed that I couldn't do it, but I was very ill two weeks ago with a bad cold. That put a stop to everything for a whole week - even going to work and playing dungeons and dragons! I somehow manged to post my daily short story though, (Thinking about it, it was all the Trust parts I'd already written!) but writing Trust went on hold. Unfortunately, I never picked it up again.

I did have thoughts about writing it and I do have an idea about where to take it next. I think the brick wall appeared when I suddenly realized that I didn't have a real enemy for my main characters. The vampire who was suppose to be decided he wanted to be good and that kinda meant there was only so much I could do with him. Now though, I've an idea to introduce some more characters and create some more tension. 

So, what did I learn from NaNoWriMo? 

Firstly, that I could write more a day then I was doing and thought I could do. I was able to write one or two short stories and between 500-1,000 words of Trust. 

Secondly, I'm not so great at talking to people online! Remember my thinking about trying harder to connect with people in my last post? Yeah, I didn't do much about it. I don't know, if I still feel over-protected of my stories or I'm just not balancing my time well enough. 

Thirdly, Changing the stats on the NaNoWriMo doesn't make me feel better. In fact, I feel guilty for not writing! 

Fourthly, I did try my best but being ill and life etc, didn't help, still though it doesn't mean I should give up. 

I think one of the others reasons I give up was because for me writing is a thing I do everyday anyway. I don't need to find time or space to write because I've a lot of that. And on the days I don't, I'm taking a break and thinking about things. I look for inspiration all the time - on the internet and around me which I then use in my stories. I've a Pinterest board/s where all my ideas go and which I refer to everyday. 

Anyway, here's my stats page for NaNoWriMo and yeah, I decided to add the total I had actually written, so the last day is kinda wrong, but I wanted to add it in.      

Well done to all those who did make it and to those who didn't! At least you've start writing now.

I did have a few other things to add, but I want to get this post up before midnight, so I'm going to leave it. I'm thinking of doing a post tomorrow about the start of Christmas, though it'll depend on timing as I'm at work and I do have a gift to make for my best friend.

How did your NaNoWriMo go? leave me a comment below and please check out my other blog; https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/

November Update: Taking Part In NaNoWriMo For The First Time

Hi readers, 

I'm currently ill with a virus and I'd like to say I'm writing this from my bed right now, but I'm not. I'm at my desk, counting down the last hour before I try and head into work, (I keep meaning to write an updated post about that, but haven't had the time) I agreed on Saturday-when I wasn't feeling so bad-to cover someone's shift tonight and I'm in desperate need of the money for Christmas - isn't everyone?- So, I thought I'd take my mind off things and write this post, which I did mean to start on last week, but I've been busy. Also, I know I missed a post last Monday which was meant to be my review of the Night Vale novel, I was in hospital. (nothing serious, just stuff to do with my long term health condition, which I also plan to write a post about soon). 

I this year I decided to take part in National Novel Writing Month. I'm not sure how long I've known about it, maybe only a year or two? The idea behind it is to write 50,000 words of a novel in a month and it's useful if you're writing for the first time or you struggle to fit writing into you daily life or-like me- you just want to write more. There's lots of other reasons too and what I like most about it is that it brings writers of all levels together and gets rid of that whole writers-need-to-be-alone/solitude writer's life myth. Okay, I get many writers need alone time to write, but we also need a lot of support and feedback from other people, not just editors and publishers. 

To be honest that's what I wanted to use NaNoWriMo for; to connect with other writers, look at what they were writing about and how they were doing it. Have I achieved that 16 days into the 30 day time period? Not really...I connect with four people on the first day and haven't spoke to any of them since and the fifth person shouldn't really count as she is an old friend from uni. Though I've read the opening of her novel twice now and given her some well needed feedback. I guess I've not done it because I've been so busy. I've been trying to reach the word count goal every day and failing due to having to write short stories for my blog, working, being ill and struggling to actually write. I know these are things everyone else has been facing too, so why haven't I been able to reach out to others? I really need to change that!

My second goal, though it was impossible from the start was to try and finish my novel. I decided that I wasn't going to start a new one when I had about 30,700 words of Trust and I wanted to do the next six parts for my other blog this month. The first of which will be published this coming Friday. So, far I've written 13, 625 words and that is actually all six parts-since I aim for about 1,200 words per part and the start of the next six parts for December.  (You can read Trust here;

https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/wp-admin/edit.php?category_name=trust-novella ) 

 Below I've got a screen shot my of current stats and yeah, I know the total count is a little bit higher then what I just declared and that's because I might have been cheating just a little. But who can bear to have a empty gap on these kinds of things? I've made up the word count twice now, but it's been over the weekend and today when I've been ill. I struggle to fully focus when I'm like this and feel its' pointless trying to write. So, I've got some catching up to do and I've kinda all ready decided that I'm not going to reach the 50,000 word goal. I'd have to write 2,000 odd words a day, maybe even more to get there now and that's not something I can currently commit to. 

A blogger, I was talking to a few days ago after I'd read his post on the opening week of NaNoWriMo, said it was about 'quantity over quality.' And I agree with that. You are forced to write and to meet the goals, which isn't a bad thing if you are new or struggling, but for me I always do a little editing on the side throughout the writing now, because I find it saves time in the long run and it gets editing clearer in my mind when I actually come to it fully. For me, I'd rather focus on good writing then just spilling everything out on the page and praying it works - though I'm well known for doing that anyway. 

My finally thoughts for now are that I have proven one thing and that is I can get more writing done in a day if I set my mind to it and don't get distracted by other things. I've been able to juggle writing a short story or more (up to four so far) alongside writing a novel. That's the third thing I wanted to get out of this experience really. I overall, I think it comes down to this; the more you put in the more you are going to get out of these types of challenges. So, if you're busy taking part right now or thinking of giving it ago -there's still time, there always is- then good luck and I'll give a final update on my progress at the end of the month. 

Next time; my review of the Night Vale novel.