December Life Update; One Week Till Christmas!

Hi readers, 

I can't believe it'll be Christmas Eve this time next week. Feels like it's coming too fast! I'm pretty much ready for it though, brought and got all my presents and wrapped them too. Now, it's just helping my parents with wrapping other presents, buying the food and helping to make the celebrations go smoothly. 

I'm also recovering from a bad flare up and effects of taking steroids. I've less then a week left of those to take and I'm all ready feeling better. Also, I went back to work last week! Though some people weren't sure I was ready, but I needed to get back to some normal-ness. I've to take it easy and not get stressed, so I'm doing simple crafts with the kids and not being so bossy/mother-like that I do sometimes get, I'm just getting to let it go and allow the kids to do what they want - within reason for course! and try to hold back more. It's going to be hard, but I'll try. 

A lot seems to have happened last time I wrote, though it's only been two weeks, but then a lot does happen in December it always seems. So, this is going to be bit of a catch up post really now.

The photo above is the top part of my Christmas tree. We decorate the house on the weekend of my dad's birthday, 9th and this year that was a Sunday. I love getting all the decorations out and up, makes it seem like Christmas is coming closer. My favourite part is putting the tree up! I love getting all the decorations stuck on and remember where some of them came from. 

We have this traditional way of decorating the tree - lights first then tinsel then everything else, including a few different things which have just ended up on the tree over time. There's a small womble - my mum loves them and has many around the house-, a sliver dragon- we are all fans of those, - a little voo doo doll, a dream catcher, a weaved love heart, knitted octopus and other things that mum and I have crafted over the years. It just adds a bit of fun and silliness to the tree which sums up how we do Christmas. 

There are three decorations which always go on last; most people end with topping the tree with an angel or star, but our star is the third from last thing to go on. Next, is a cardboard Grinch with a paper tissue tree, I got with the Grinch movie which is my favourite Christmas movie and I watch it every year. Last to go on the tree is a paper Christmas bug, this came out of my favourite Christmas story; Jingle Bugs which I read aloud before putting the Christmas bug on then tree to complete it.  

Then it's time to get the presents underneath! I got to place the first one which was to me from my best friend then I put ones to my family. I like wrapping things up, though it always takes longer then you think! Below is about half of the presents I wrapped as I did like three lots. The tree though looks more fuller then this now!

As is the other tradition on the weekend of my dad's birthday we went to the Manchester Christmas markets. However, the weather wasn't great and both me and my mum were ill so the trip was cut short. This year, it also felt smaller, though it was busier as it normally was which wasn't good for my anxiety. We didn't take any photos either which I do kinds of regret but I wasn't in the mood and nor was my boyfriend. There'll be next year.  

Yesterday, I went and saw Wicked in Manchester with my boyfriend. I had booked the tickets like a year and half in advance and going felt like some kind of mile stone had been reached in our relationship! We have this silly thing about how we weren't allowed to break up until after we'd seen Wicked and if we were still together we had to get married. Things are still good so far and I know he's currently saving for a ring! 

Anyway, there was a stand selling lots of things and I couldn't help myself, though I didn't have much money, I treated myself to a flying monkey soft toy, postcard set, two programs and I got the poster for free!    

   

We had a great time and really enjoyed the musical. I had seen it before but my boyfriend hadn't and I didn't tell him lot about it because I didn't want to spoil it, so he was surprised about the detail in the story and felt the urge to watch The Wizard Of Oz movie again. 

Now, it'll be a week today that we see each other again. He is having to work Christmas Eve and we decided that since we would be spending from then till about 2nd January together - divided between my house and his house - that it would be okay not see each other the weekend before. I've to work on Saturday night and it would be a bit of back and forth for both us, so it's easier this way. Sometimes I wished we lived closer or even together! Possible a plan for next year as soon as I've found a better job. Anyway, I can't wait to see him and all my family then. 

Till then, I've work and other things to keep me busy. I've four short stories left to write on my other blog for this month now - been getting ahead so I don't have to worry- then I need to start January's soon. I've also finished knitting all the Christmas presents for my family and started on one for me! I'm knitting the colourful scarf out of pure wool. It's like super chunky, easy to do and it's knitting up real fast. I can't wait to wear it even though it does feel bit scratchy.  

The second thing I've to do is read my way through my current book pile! Before I started on the steroids I had begun The Thief  the latest Black Dagger Brotherhood novel which I was really excited to read. Then though one of the side effects of the steroids is that you can't focus on a single thing for long, it's a bit like having ADHD, my mind was wondering about everywhere and reading was just too hard, specially with a novel that has lots of different characters, back histories and tells three different plots tangled together! 

So, determined to not stop reading, I read some short Christmas stories then moved on to reading Dickens' ghost stories. I found that though of course Dickens can be a bit hard going, due to the short stories, I was able to read and enjoy them. I've maybe five/six stories left to go now, including A Christmas Carol which I'm saving to start reading around the 20th/21th when it's only a few days to go. 

After that I should get back to reading The Thief, then Blood Fury which is the spin off series. Next will be The Humans which I brought my dad for his birthday but wanted to read as it's told from the point of view of a dog! I don't read Science Fiction but this one interested me. In between I'll be reading the bottom three in the photo; Fruits Basket is a manga series my boyfriend thought I'd like and I do but I'm having a hard time getting fully into it and the other two are self-help books.       

My other thing to do is colouring! It's super calming and relaxing, it's been my other go to thing when I've become restless, stressed or my insomnia has kept me up. I'm sure I've said this before but I like the Colouring Heaven mags. The drawings are clear and a good mixture of scenes to colour. I like thinking I'm adding life to the characters etc and I also make up stories about them in my head!

I'm currently doing the front cover of the Christmas mag. I've done the bottom left picture of an elf so far. Hopefully, get the rest of it done soon.

I've not asked for any colouring books this year as I've too many but I've asked for some colouring pencil sets. I've been using felt pens for awhile now but I've found that pencils and gel pens are far better for blending and getting a more detailed finished. So, hopefully someone has brought me some.

As for other other presents it's mostly books, dvds, cds etc, I've not wanted anything big or fancy this year. I couldn't really decided. Though I would like a Nintendo Switch but they are expensive still and so are the games. I could ask for a new bed but that seems a strange Christmas present! Anyway, one other things I've asked for is the Body Shop's new Christmas release. I've fallen in love with the peppermint candy cane - as in the photo below. To me it smells like after dinner mints and I love those. The smell of mint I find calming and so I've asked for a full set of peppermint candy cane stuff! 

I'm look forward to everything now, just got to get through this week!

On a slightly different note, I have discovered this awesome tea which has been helping me to get to sleep. It's really nice and I drink it whilst reading in bed and then I feel so super sleepy and just drifted off. I've been a fan of flavoured tea and coffee for awhile, gingerbread is my all time favourite. Spiced apple is a close second so this tea I found really nice. I would so recommend trying some. It's quite calming too which seems perfect for now as many people are getting stressed out by Christmas. Even thinking about it making me sleepy right now!

Last thing I wanted to share today, is the new winter/Christmas jumper my mum knitted for me! Since she give it to me last Wednesday I've hardly taken it off. I found it in one of her knitting mags and thought it would make a great jumper to have. I love the simple style of the white and blues coming together with matching snowflakes. It looks Christmas-y but is suitable to wear afterwards too. Which is great because I love Christmas jumpers but after the day you can't really wear them anymore. 

My mum had been super busy trying to finish the jumper and she didn't have much help from our dog! Patch for an odd reason loves snuggling up to wool balls and knitted things but she does end up in the way! 

And this is the finished jumper! It's so cool! 

Actually it's warm and snugly, Mum made it out of soft baby wool. I love it so much, it's a good job I don't have to take it off anytime soon! 

That's all for today anyway, so if I don't see you before have a Merry Christmas and thank you for reading.  

All photos belong to me.

December Life Update; Hibernation

Hi readers, 

I can't believe it's December now! This year seems to have flown by. The last two months haven't been great for me. I've been suffering depression, anxiety, stress and flare up on my condition. I'm still off work at the moment but hope to go back next week. 

I would like to say I've put my time off to go use; done lots of writing and reading, watched Netflix, TV shows, movies, done some arts and crafts etc but actual due to the mental health problems, being ill and side effects of pills, I've not been that active. 

My only two achievements of worthy of writing about is that I've knitted Christmas presents for my family this year and I've two left to finish off now. That's been a great help to pass the time, keep me busy and helped to de-stress me. Secondly, I have kept up with my daily short story writing on my other blog; https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/ I guess this down to habit more then anything now, but it's been another helpful focus. Right now I'm trying to get ahead in writing this months stories as December is a busy time. 

I've already done all of my present shopping. I brought anything online which always makes it super easier and got people what they wanted off their wish lists. My boyfriend and I also buying presents together this year and that helped keep the cost down and make it easier to buy stuff. He's coming over this weekend and next so we can do some wrapping up together then. It's nice to get that out of the early as getting gifts for people can be stressful. 

My family also do this 'lucky dip' present giving event on Christmas eve. I'm not sure how it began as it seems we've been doing it for years now, it was probably my dad's idea of a fun game. The rules as simple; for everybody that's come and yourself you buy an item that is £5. This year, they'll be 8 of us plus my dog so that's 9 presents to get. Then everything goes into a box and in circle, youngest started we pick a present and open it. At the end everyone gets a pile of presents and you can swap ones you don't like. 

There was another rule but this has sort of faded now and it was if the items was something you wear you had to put it on, a drink - drink it, food - eat it and toys play with etc. But that makes it harder to swap and as we are all adults now some of the items can be very adult themed, that just makes it more fun for everyone I think! 

I've been sensible this year and got normal, good items for everyone. My mind wasn't much in a silly mood. My parents can be the worse at the adult themed stuff, so I'll just leave it to everyone else! 

The weather has been bad in England for the last few days and today it's actual dry and clear for once. that hasn't made me want to go out though. I'm finding it hard to be around people for different reasons at the moment and I'm liking time by myself more and more. I've been feeling only little bit lonely but having my dog helps. 

So, today I'm curled up on the sofa, writing this on my lap and listening to a fireplace sound video on the TV via Netflix. I do wish they were on all the time and not just at Christmas, listening to a fire burn away is one of my calming and writing background music I like to listen too! I'm going to write some short stories for bit then I got more knitting to do. 

Hopefully, I'll write another post before Christmas, got two events coming up; Christmas Market and Wicked musical, both will be worth writing about, just got to feel better soon.  

Images from; https://pixabay.com/

October Life Update; Happy Halloween!

Hi readers,

I just wanted to say Happy Halloween to you all and share my pumpkins for this year! I carved three different pumpkins over the last few days and the two above are outside my house right now. I really liked the baby bat and then I went for a scary raven and skull.

At the weekend, my boyfriend and I craved the two below; a witch and her cat. I left these at his house. We both enjoyed spending the time being creative! 

My boyfriend also took me on a ghost walk around Hoghton Tower which we had visited before. It was a really spooky walk around the old manor house with people telling us different tales about the ghostly encounters. We didn't see anything but at one point it felt like someone was tickling my back! We had a good time though and it was lots of fun.    

Today, the house is decorated and I've done some baking. I have also made gift bags for the kids this year as we ran out of sweets last year! So now I just need to wait for the darkness to come and then the fun can began! I hope everyone had a good time to night! 

Oh and I made a new friend too. Look at this cute little bat! 

Stay safe everyone and have lots of fun! 

Book Review; A Collection Of Books For Halloween, Autumn and Winter

Hi readers, 

It feels like I'm writing this post a little late - should have been closer to the start of October then the end! As most of you know though, I've not been well and so I've not been writing a lot, not that I've been keeping on top of this blog anyway! Now, I'm trying to get back to doing things I enjoy and helps to keep me busy.

So, I wanted to write about some books that have the same theme and fit in with Halloween which is next week. I'm not sure if I'll get around to writing about them all individually which is why I thought it would be good to do a collective post. However, I've not read some of these books yet, so I can't give a full view so this is just going to be a quick look and first thoughts.

I'm going to be looking at 6 anthologies, 4 novels, 8 non-fiction books and a coloring book. I really enjoy reading short stories at this time of year because things are often so busy it's nice to dip in and out of stories and not have to fully commit to a single novel.   

My hope is that this post might be useful to other people and introduce them to some new books. Let's make a start with the books in the above photo and what better way to be began with the master of darkness and horror himself, Dracula.   

The Rivals Of Dracula, Stories from The Golden Age of Gothic Horror edited by Nick Rennison.

I saw this book in Waterstones a month or so back and decided I had to have it for my vampire book collection. The anthology contains 15 short vampire stories which were written in the late Victorian and Edwardian times. The blurb describes the stories as being 'classic tales to chill the blood' by well known and less known supernatural writers including, M R James and EF Benson. 

I'm looking forward to reading this because I like Victorian literature and reading about 'early' vampires. 

Haunted Nights, A Horror Writers Association Anthology edited by Ellen Datlow and Lisa Morton.

Someone brought me this book as a Christmas present last year and I decided to save it to read around now. This anthology has 16 short stories that are themed around Halloween. I don't recognize any of the writers which can be a good thing as it's an introduction to new authors and the chances of re-reading a short story are low. 

The stories are described as being 'sly modern narratives to haunting traditional stories' and 'explore the many facets, cultures and traditions' of Halloween. I'm really interested in reading some of this stories as the titles sound so good and with them all being based around my favorite holiday just makes me want to read it more.  

Eight Ghosts, The English Heritage Book Of New Ghost Stories edited by Rowan Routh.

I saw this book whilst on holiday in Cornwall in the Tintagel Castle shop. I pre-ordered it in paperback when I got home. English Heritage, for those that don't know, is a charity that looks after over 400 historic sites in England, including Tintagel, many other famous castles and Stonehenge. 

This book contains 8 ghost stories described as 'a rich collection of unnerving ghosts and sinister histories,' set at different EH sites, some of which I have been too. I don't know any of the writers once again. I do like that there is no introduction to this anthology and it goes straight to the stories. The afterwards includes a list of EH sites that are known for being haunted which I really like and gives a nice finish to the collection.  

   

Complete Ghost Stories by Charles Dickens.

I found this book in a discount book shop along with 2 others. I'm a fan of Dickens, though often find his novels difficult and lengthy to read, so this collection of 20 ghost stories, including the super famous A Christmas Carol, is perfect for me. Dickens was interested in supernatural and liked telling ghost stories. In this anthology, his 'Gothic talents can be seen' and the stories cover, 'grotesque comedy...revenge, insanity, pre-cognition and dream visions.' 

I love the characters and plots Dickens has created in his other writings, so I'm sure I'll love reading these ghost stories too.   

Ghosts Of Christmas Past edited by Tim Martin. 

The last book in the photo, I brought with the Dickens one and they do go together. This anthology has 13 modern and classic short stories and some of the writers I know including; M R James, Jenn Ashworth, E. Nesbit and Neil Gaiman. The stories are Christmas themed and described as 'seasonal chillers,' 'a world of ghosts and horrors,' and 'real spirits of Christmas.' 

I'm looking forward to reading some of these stories at Christmas time. For me, winter evenings, especially when its rainy and windy, create the perfect back drop for curling up and reading horror stories.

The Mammoth Book Of Halloween Stories edited by Stephen Jones. 

This is the last of the anthologies and it's in the photo below. I love Mammoth Books, they cover so many different genres both fiction and fact and I've not found one I didn't like yet. This collection of 26 horror stories set around Halloween was published this year and is a new format from the other books; bigger, larger text and it's also the first to use Halloween in it's title.

The anthology is described as being, 'a dark feast of frightening fiction by some of the most successful and respected horror writers working today,' and is a 'spooky selection of stories set on the night when evil walks the earth.' Once again the writers are a mix and I known some of them including; Neil Gaiman, Nancy Kilpatrick and Ramsey Campbell.

I've started reading this and am enjoying it.   

    

                                                                                                                                                                   

Blood Communion, A Tale Of Prince Lestat by Anne Rice.

This is the first of the novels and I've all ready finished reading it! So I'll be writing a review soon. Briefly though, one of the most famous vampires in the world, Lestat returns in a new novel about the coming together of all the vampires in the world and how he became Prince of them all. This horror story is so fitting to this time of year and I love to get swept away by Anne Rice's passionate and deeply descriptive writing. 

Colouring Heaven, Halloween Special edited by Sally Fitzgerald, Anthem Publishing.

Different from the other books in this post, but I still wanted to include it, is this coloring magazine. I've a subscription to Colouring Heaven now as I found myself buying this magazine each month and loving the art work inside. This edition is the Halloween one and there are '40 unearthly designs with spooky-cuteness.' I love all the drawings and each captures a different spirit of Halloween in a funny or horror way.   

Adult coloring has become really big now and I'm on that train. It's so calming and a different escape from everything else, plus I like bring the pictures to life and making them my own. Plus, I have found myself creating stories about the people etc in the imagines and I'm hoping this will inspire me to write some more stories.        

    

World War Z by Max Brooks

People in the past have recommended I read this novel written as accounts after a zombie plague has taken over the world. I've not had the chance to yet but my boyfriend has lent this book and the follow up one to add to my reading pile. I've never been a fan of zombies, maybe it's because of all the supernatural they don't interested me and when a biologist friend told me that there was actual likely-hood of there one day being a zombie, it put me further off! 

However, I'm willing to read this novel because it's different style, 'based on extensive interviews' in the 'finest traditions of American journalism' interests me and lots of people say it's good. I just hope it's not too scary!  

The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks

This book is the companion to the one above and is about surviving zombies, 'don't be reckless with your most precious asset- life.' So, I guess if the threat of real zombies ever happened this self-help book would contain useful information in dealing with a whole range of situations. The chapters look at zombie myths and realities, weapons and combat techniques, on the defense etc. It has a very fact feel to it and isn't something I'll be reading at bedtime! 

A Secret History Of Witches by Louisa Morgan

This book was the first I picked up for the discount book shop and I thought it was like a non-fiction book about witches, then I read the back and saw it was a novel. It kinda of sits on the edge of my normal supernatural reading but it interested me enough to buy it. It's about a family of witches who have lost their magic and need to rediscover it as the Second World War arrives in order to change history, 'a tale of family, sacrifice, love and magic.' 

Without reading it I'm not sure how I'm going to feel about.    

Wicca For Beginners by Lisa Chamberlain

Keeping with the witch theme here's the first of the non-fiction books. I have had an interest in magic for awhile now and I've been meaning to get around to learning more about how I can use it. This little book gives a brief guide to 'Wiccan beliefs, rituals, magic and witchcraft.' It's laid out nicely and simply, not going into too much detail and covering lots to get you more interested. 

I've had a flip through and found I can connect with some of the ideas about the religion of Wicca. I'm looking further to reading more.  

Wicca Book Of Spells by Lisa Chamberlain

I got this book to go with the one above as I wasn't sure how many spells there'd be in the beginners book. Each page has a different spell on it, a list of things need to cast the spell and instructions on how to do it. There are spells on how to make friends, find love, succeeded at job interviews, get more money and protecting the home, 'for success in magic, your state of mind is the most important factor.' 

I've not tried any out yet but I'm hoping too. I thought that this, in a different way, might help me to deal with some of the stress and anxiety issues I've been having, of which there are actually spells for! I'll have to give it ago and write about what happens.   

This next group of books don't really link in with the Halloween, horror theme but they do link in with autumn and winter times and how that change of seasons can effect your mental health. Most people at this time of year get depressed and it's something to do with the lower sunlight, the darker nights and the coldness too. I've had different battles with depression over the years and this time it's been mixed in with anxiety and stress, so I wanted to get some different books to help deal with some of my issues. 

The two animal spirit guide books, I brought because I've been turning more and more to my animal spirits and asking them for help. I wanted to find some information out about the different animals I had been seeing and how best to communicate with them. I have found both these books helpful. 

Animal Spirit Guides is a reference book of each different animal and though it's been fun looking them up, I've found that some websites have had more detailed information on them. Animal Magic is more of a guide book to understanding animal spirits and how to interact with them. 

The other four books are about learning to overcome different problems; I got The Happiness Trap because I was looking for a self- help book about dealing with stress at work, anxiety and depression which this book covers. It comes across different from other books that deal with these problems as it sets out to explain that having strong emotions and feelings is normal and that humans aren't always meant to be happy. I've read the first chapter of this now and I'm starting to understand how this book is going to teach me how to deal with my mental health problems better. 

The This Book Will Make You... series has lots of different titles, I picked 3 that I felt would be most useful to me. they are cute little books, packed with simple information to help bring around changes to help you achieve the title. I've had a quick scan through all of them and they look easy to read and have practical information in them. I'm hoping that they will help me progress into a new job and improve my motivation and passion for things. 

That brings me to the end of the post and shockingly it's taken much of the day to write this. But it has made me happy and kept me busy. Let me know if you decided to get any of these books now or your thoughts if you've all ready read any of them. I'm looking forward to dipping into each of them during the coming long, cold winter nights. 

October Life; Manchester Bee Trail (Part 3) Saying Goodbye To The Bees!

Hi readers,

Yesterday, I was lucky enough to go to the Goodbye Bees event which was a chance to see all 101 bee statues in the same place and for the last time.

Many of the bee statues are being auctioned off next weekend and who knows where they'll end up and if they'll be on public display again. Some of the bees though are being given back to the charities who sponsored them or are represented by them. For example, Harpurbee will be going back to The Manchester Youth Zone. (I believe it'll be placed in the closed car park/allotment garden back area which isn't accessible to the public).

The event was held at the Manchester National Cycling Centre with some of the bees being inside and most of the being outside. It was really busy - lots of people eager to see the bees they had missed during the trail and the weather was bad too - the tail end of a storm that has flooded part of the UK this weekend.

To add to this my boyfriend had started with a cold and wasn't feeling well. We also had a nightmare parking! We ended up in the wrong place but then got told to go back there as there was nowhere to park around the cycling centre! Walking through the rain to get there then having to walk around the bees in the rain didn't help improve our moods but I tried to enjoy it as best I could.

It was really nice to see all the bees together and look at the ones we'd missed. I think we got to see around 50 on the trail and I realised whilst planning the second trip to see them that there was going to a few that I'd never get to see. So, it was good that the event was held and I could get tickets for it as I didn't feel like I'd missed out!

Of all the bees my favourite is still the one in the opening photo, Bee-You-ti-ful. I love the washed out colours and the inspirational imagines and quotes. A lot of the other bees are also inspiring and carry positive messages but there's just something about this one bee that really speaks to me!

If I had to pick a second favourite it would be this one below; Sundae. I love the ice cream look created on this bee and it feels so summer-y. For me this bee was also very different from all the others, I guess because it didn't have a 'bee' theme as such like some of the other ones do. Also, I love ice cream!

Due to how they had set the bees up it was hard to get a 'group photo', I tried my best but there was also trees and people in the way too! 

  

Now, here's a selection of bees from the event that I liked best and all of these are ones we didn't get to see during the trail.

I love this bee above! It had this really old stone look and reminded me of a headstone! 

I like this one below too. It's simple and pretty with the butterflies on it. 

The bee above is themed around the 80 Days Around The World novel and the bee, I believe, was at Manchester Airport to celebrate the airport's 80th birthday! 

I also liked this Egyptian themed one too.  

I think this bee was called something like The Sky Isn't The Limit and it has this star consolation theme. I liked the Galaxy painting on this bee.

The below bee really sums up Manchester for me; Cottonopolis. Manchester in the past has long been the centre for the cotton industry and the worker bee is the symbol of the hardworking people. 

This is Rainbow bee, who I also liked and seemed fitting in all the wet weather!

And this last Bee, I mistook as a bee with a cold as he was called sneezebee and I joked that my boyfriend was feeling like the bee was! Actually, this bee is theme around allergies, especially pollen which makes sense in the summer!  

So, that's it! The bee trail is officially over. I am super sad to see the bees go and it's a shame they can't be left on display around Manchester. It was a good way to bring people together but I guess there'd be too much up keep. 

I did buy the book of the bees though which lists them all and the small bees too. It's a great reminder of all the bees and fun that we've had finding them. I got a set of postcards too which had some nice photos of 9 different bees and the 10th postcard says something like we completed the bee trail. 

So, it's goodbye from the bees and goodbye from me. Until next time readers. 

(All photos belong to me.)

September Life Update; An Emotional Breakdown and Depression

Hi readers,

Things have been real tough for me these last few weeks. I agreed to cover the senior receptionist's three shifts a week at work for 2 weeks as he went on holiday and my manager was sort of struggling to find someone to cover. I normal just cover the Mondays and Fridays leaving the Wednesday to go to Dungeons and Dragons but I'm saving up for a new bed and D&D wasn't on the second week.

The first week was okay, I had an issue with missing some young people off the register and the takings being down, but those are things I continually struggle with. I blame my moderate learning difficulties and the unreliability of honest teenagers.

Then I had the first return to Saturday evenings shift to do. Over the spring and summer, I've worked in the afternoons on a girl's only session offer but it's been decided that we are going back to the evening shifts for the autumn/winter. That went fine - it was a free session so no money handling for me and we had a low number of teens in.

The second Monday came and I realised how tried and unwell I was feeling. My insomnia and sleep pattern - which I really don't have anyway- was bad. When I was sleeping, I wasn't getting enough and I was starting to realise that covering for two weeks might have been a bad idea. Still though, I was going to get a new bed with my extra wages and that was something to keep going for.

Another issue happened; my IBS flared up. (Slight side story here, but my mum makes a nice Sunday dinner every Sunday and I love chicken and gravy but I've know for some years now that gravy mix triggers me. Mum and I have been through lots of different brands and made our own etc, but I've yet to find a gravy I can safely eat). So, I had a pre-made chicken with herbs in a bag and gravy which seems to have been the cause of my flare up.

I have another condition called Ulcerative Colitis which is similar to IBS but can make me so ill when it flares up that I can't do anything and sometimes I have to go to hospital with it as the pain is super bad. I've had both of this conditions for 13 years now and maybe two or three years before it was diagnosed. Managing them both can be hard but I've learnt the signs and symptoms to tell them a part enough.

When I try to explain them to people, I say think of a time when you had a bad stomach bug and you had to go to bathroom all the time. Now, imagine if you had that everyday! Sometimes it's fine enough that you can go out for a day trip somewhere like the zoo or the beach. Other days, it's so bad you have to stay in between you bed and the bathroom, not able to do much else.

What I rarely go into with people is all the other side effects of the conditions and all the treatments I've been on that have left their own side effects on my mind. One day, I plan to write a post on here about that but for now I'll get back to the subject of this post.

So yeah, I had a flare up of my IBS and it wasn't good. I could barely do my job that Monday evening but I stuck it out, though I made mistakes and I should have gone home sick. But I don't like letting my IBS and colitis rule my life, I have always said if I allow that I'd never leave my house again. Anyway, when I got home afterwards, I was exhausted but couldn't really sleep and I felt more unwell. I told myself it would be okay though.

However, the next day, Tuesday, instead of my normal juniors arts and crafts shift, I got asked to cover reception and of course I agreed. Now, the young age group is manic and it's super easy to not stay on top of things and get stressed out. That's what happened with me and of course one of my other IBS triggers is stress! So, my flare up only got worse and I made a few bad mistakes and got in trouble. Once again, I should have gone home sick but with less then two hours to go, I didn't.

On Wednesday, I got called into a meeting and had to explain all the mistakes I had made over the past few shifts. I felt like everything was crashing down over me. I was exhausted, stressed, feeling ill and still having to deal with my flare up plus the side effects of that! So, I had an emotional break down in that meeting. I got a few things off my chest and cried a lot. I didn't feel that much better though and once again, I should have gone home but I stayed and did a 7 hour shift.

When I got home that night, even more exhausted and ill, I felt depressed and suicidal. I didn't feel like normal me anymore, it was like this other person who was having all these drowning thoughts, feelings and emotions had taken over. I couldn't stop crying and though I needed to sleep, I couldn't. I was worried about losing my job, my flare up getting worse and about all the stress working over the last 3 days had caused.

Even though, my parents had gone to bed, I awoke them and had a long conversation about things. Though, I don't remember much of that now. My mum told me I should phone in sick for Friday and Saturday and see a doctor in the morning. Which I did end up doing. When I phoned in sick, I felt like a weight had been lift. I didn't have to worry about going into work and making more mistakes or trying to deal with my flare up whilst there. I could stay at home, de-stress and sleep, like I needed.

The doctor give me anti-depressants and a phone number for counselling. I have known for about a month and bit now that I've been balancing on the edge of falling into depression again. I know the trigger has been to do with not being able to find a new job and therefore not being able to move on with my life how I want to. It seems all this stress at work has really pushed me off the edge now.

After a night of better sleep and the worry of work gone, I was feeling better. I was still emotional, anxious and stressed though. I realised for the last 24 to 48 hours I hadn't really been myself. My mind was clear from all the overwhelming emotions and thoughts, I felt more like myself again. I got to wondering who that person had been those last few hours, because that had been far from my own personality. My mum nicknamed her the crazy cat lady and I kind of agreed!

I reflected on what had happened, give it the name of an emotional break down and I've been trying to move on every since. The doctor give me two weeks off work and I've been taking it easy. Doing things I enjoy, thinking about how I feel and sleeping!

Depression wise, I only took one anti-depressant tablet out of the 14 I got given so far. I don't believe that they really work for me. They take a course or two to actually get into your system and start the chemical reactions to balance emotional levels. When you come off then, the side effects including making you depressed again!

I have been able to control my mild bouts of depression for years now as I have had mental health problems for most of my life. I know the signs and what I need to do to help. Often this includes, talking to people about all my issues, doing things I enjoy more like reading and crafting and writing non-fiction reflection and record pieces. For some reason though, I struggle with writing fiction, so my short stories on my other blog of late have not been so good. I've been able to keep the habit of writing them and to me that counts for a lot more at the minute! So, hopefully, I'll be able to keep self-managing now.

Lastly and yes I know how long this post is now! I wrote in my diary on Thursday night about how depression feels like Alice In Wonderland. At the time, I had forgot that the theory behind the story and Alice Through the Looking Glass is to do with mental health. When I told my mum the next day she reminded me and I decided it did make a lot of sense. I also wrote a blog post here way back in November 2016 (http://hailscrazyblog.blogspot.com/2016/11/november-life-update-were-all-mad-here.html) which was about my then mental health problems due to meds I was on and how it did seem like I was Wonderland.  

So, yeah, for now I'm Alice, dealing with the Mad Hatter, Cheshire Cat and the Queen of Hearts. I hope in the next few weeks I am able to find the White Rabbit and leave Wonderland behind me!

Thanks for reading this super long post!    

Stock photos from;

https://www.pexels.com and https://pixabay.com/

         

September Life Update; Manchester Bee Trail (Part 2)

Hi readers,

It's been a few weeks since my last post and I've some more bee statues to add to the collection. Most of these were taken a few weeks back when my boyfriend and I went to do more of the trail on the other side of Manchester. The rest were the day before that or in the weeks that have followed.

I still have lot more to find! I'm hoping next weekend, which will be the last one, to visit whole bunch we missed. Before that, maybe on Thursday, I'll drive around to see the others that are outside the city centre. Then in October to go to the goodbye event and see all the bees together! 

Before we went back to the centre, we visited Heaton park which is local to me and a place I use to have Sunday family walks around. We took my dog, though I don't think she was that impressed! There where two bees here and we found them both. The first bee was outside the new bee keeping section around the back of the old Heaton Hall. The second was at the boating lake, which was busy with people eating ice cream and being out on the lake in rowing boats. There was also two of the little bees in the cafe!

The next day, I had planned out a route for us to visit the bees I watched to see. The route on the map is a little confusing and has you zig zagging around the centre. We had all ready seen a few clusters of bees, so I wanted to do the ones that were furthest away and including a few at the start of the list! Then we were to walk back towards the car park. 

We got the free bus to Piccadilly train station. The first bee is right outside!

We then weaved our way towards the Gmex, Bridgewater hall and Deansgate station. We saw lots of bees, including three that I hadn't planned to due to getting lost! 

The next photo is not a bee but a sculpture in memory of the man who invited vimto which happened in an apartment close by here. Vimto is one of my favourite drinks! It's a strong and fruity, black current base which you add water - cold or hot to. I did know before hand it was made in Manchester, but I didn't know where. Now, thanks to the bee trail I do.  

We were mostly weaving through streets at this point, heading to the art gallery and Princess street. It was there that I found what has become my favourite bee! It's hard to pick one out of the 101 and though I like the one outside my work, the one below just really got to me. I really like the colour wash, like a sunset and the positive quotes and images. The wolf and the dreamcatcher paintings drew me too. 

We then headed over to the Science and industry museum which is one of my favourite museums. To get to their bee, you had to go inside and into the courtyard at the front. They had built a bees' garden there and it was a nice place to sit for a few minutes.   

We then walked to Deansgate and had lunch before seeing some more bees. Though we almost didn't as I really hadn't thought about how much walking we would do. I knew it would be a lot but it was so much! I don't think you could do all the bees in the city centre in a day, it's just too tiring. We did decided to carry on though and we saw a few more bees. There was about 3 or 4 in this area we didn't see. I had gotten too tried. 

I really like this bee above as it's steampunk like! 

The second to last bee we found was this one called Shellbee which is inside a theatre. It's super different to all the others as it lights up, makes sounds and has a fluffy coat. It was made for kids with disabilities and was designed by a special needs school where my sister in law works at. I really liked Shellbee and it was nice to see a very different take on the bee statues. She was super popular and it was hard getting photos!   

I know the next photo isn't a bee but I just had to take it. I saw this musical at this theatre back in like 2016. I really liked it and it was a nice reminder of a good evening out. Plus, Little Shop Of Horrors is super good!

On the way back we stopped and saw this bee at a church in Collyhust. It was the last one of the day. It's close to the bee at my work and I'm glad to have ticked it off the list as I've been trying too for awhile! 

The last bee for this post is this one, which we missed last time, though I'm not sure how, guess we had walked on the streets either side. I spotted it today on the way to the cinema and had to add it to the collection! 

That's it for this post. Next week, will hopefully be part 3. 

Thanks for reading!