April Life Update: Being Ill Is Not Much Fun.

Hi readers,

Sorry, I've not posted in two week, but I was ill and so was my mum. In fact, I still am as this cold doesn't seem to want to go. Sometimes I can think of nothing worse then a bad cough that just won't quit! I guess it doesn't help that I've had hardly anytime to rest up. I've had a busy time at work, covering other peoples' shifts and volunteering on reception. Plus, I had an interview for working with the seniors, but I didn't get the job. Didn't get my PhD interview either, which was a shock.

Also, I can't let go of my ex-boyfriend no matter what I tell myself and it's become a complicated issues of us not being together and agreeing we really are not getting back together, but acting as if we are a couple again! So yeah, I'm feeling really low about stuff. And though I hate to admit, I'm wondering if I'm getting depressed again. Though, it's more like my run of bad luck and feeling ill that's giving me those thoughts. But if it does get worse, I'll be going to talk to someone.

I've not been up to anything crafty or arty outside of work. I've still got my felt steggie dinosaur to make and my mum is busy knitting me a werewolf, so maybe next month to show off them? Though got my trip to London first! So, excited about that.

Firstly, I'm currently taking part in the A-Z Challenge on my other blog. Every day, but for Sundays, the post has to be titled and be about a word starting with the next letter of the alphabet. So last week as an example I wrote stories about Anxiety, Bedazzled, Cacti, Dog. I'm finding it lots of fun and a great way to meet other bloggers. Of course, it's also to get you writing and blogging more, but I all ready do that!  

Secondly, I wanted to write about my reading goals for this year, which I had put on my Goodreads page, but forgot. I choice to try and read 30 books this year and so far I've read only 10. Feels more then that though! Last year, I did a reading challenge from Popstar, I think it was and there was around 30 books on that last too. I didn't get to read all of them though. Hopefully, having to do a book review 3-4 times a month will help as I'll need to start reading faster again.

I've got lots of books that I keep meaning to start, like the True Blood ones as I've finished watching all the seasons now. Also, the Vampire Diaries, Anne Rice's wolf books, though I'd love to read Interview with A Vampire again. Then I've got some steampunk ones and some YP ones and just, yeah far far too many! I'm sure I'll get around to them all though.

Here's the link to my Goodreads:  https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/7400715-hayley-hardman

The only upside to being ill has been that I've spent a lot of time playing Bioshock. This is like my third time playing through it now. I'm way out of practice and found the medium setting a bit hard. I've never been good at shooting games, nor any other game really, but I do still like playing them. I think Bioshock grabs me because of the dystopia setting and the story line. It feels like a different experience to other games and I remember watching my dad playing and getting hooked. I feel like I did a review of it once on here...anyway....

I've finished it again, but I'm going back for some of the achievements I've missed and then I've got to play through it again for two or three more as well. I've moved on to Bioshock 2 now, which is my favorite. I love playing as a Big Daddy and learning more about Rapture! I don't know why I find the second easier to do, maybe its the add strength of being stronger or because I've played it that many times I just know it. My favorite level is Siren Alley. I'm not sure why, but it really sticks with me.

In fact, I started reading the novel that is set before the first game and I'm going to review it next week now.

So on Thursday of last week, I was feeling so fed up with everything that I decided to take the plunge I was planing to do at the end of this month or maybe later. I joined two dating websites. Well, it turned out that okcupid still had my profile...don't know why, but it seems I forget to delete it. I also joined plenty of fish, which I was on ages ago, but got rid of after meeting my second ex-boyfriend.  

Writing and talking about all the thoughts and feels I had when I'd set up the accounts and glanced at some photos of possible dates is just impossible. I have the urge to try though, but I guess it'll be hard for people who've not been in this situation to understand. I just felt so guilty and sad and like it was wrong. I was betraying and being unfaithful too. But of course I'm single now, so why would I feel like all that?! I guess the idea of moving on is just too painful still and thinking that I'll never find anyone who's better then him. I just felt worse about everything.

Then the messages started...it's weird I was thinking I'd have to wait hours, days maybe before guys saw my profile, but nope. I'm not playing 'the I'm desperate game' or 'I'm super lonely' ect, I'm just being me, though a lot less flirty then I remember being before. I still don't know if it's what I want, but I know I won't be meeting up with anyone anytime soon. Jumping into another relationship isn't going to help, but seeing that there are other men interest in me will make me feel a bit better. And I never know who'll meet, so I'm going to try and have some fun...though not to much, can't get carried away! 

So, next week I'm going to review the Bioshock book and then hopefully, fit another review in the Monday after and before I go to London. Still really excited about that!

Till next time!  

Images from:
http://store.steampowered.com/app/7670/
https://pixabay.com/en/love-heart-broken-sad-unhappy-cry-1281655/

At Home for the summer!

I’m back at home now! I had forgotten how difficult it can be to settle back into my old bedroom and family life. I’ve not been doing much since I moved out of my student room. Mostly it has been sorting out my stuff and deciding where to put it. I’ve to become more radical with my bedroom though! My room is a box and there’s no way all my stuff from my uni can fit back in. So I’m going to have to get rid of a lot of things!

I’ve also started playing Bioshock 1 again. I’m not one for 1 person shooter games normally. I’ve been known to be ‘another player’ when needed, but it’s not been since DOOM back in the ’90′s that I’ve been known to play shooter games by myself. There’s just something about Bioshock though and I think its got to do with the plot and the actually backgrounds to the game. My creative and imaginative sides seem to like the idea of a future that is actually set in the past under the sea. The world of Rapture was designed to give people freedom from the constraints of normal life. What happens though is it goes to every one’s heads and the Utopia is destroyed. So if you’ve not had a chance to play this game yet I’d recommended it! The 3rd one is coming out in Autumn and the movie next year.

Moving on again, I’m currently trying to apply for my Masters in creative writing at EHU. I’m having some trouble getting references right now. So annoying! But references are highly important because they show from another person that you are able to do tasks, you have the skills, right attitude and a good background also. So choosing who to ask is also important so that person can give you the best possible reference to get that place you’re applying for!

I so have the urge to bake cookies now…..think I’m getting all homely. It looks like its going to rain though. I don’t think it has been doing much else since I got home. I hope the weather changes soon though, I go on holiday in about 2 weeks. No where special really, just down the south of England. Looking forward to that, a nice break and a recharge is needed. I’ve not been working on my novels for a while now. I’ve forced myself to take a break, but now getting back into writing is proofing to be a little difficult! There’s lots of techniques to try out though and one of them is just writing whatever comes into your head and not thinking about. Or else, like I’m going to do, just pick up where you left off writing and just let it roll on.

I could do with starting to look at summer jobs too now. Gosh there’s so much to do!