May Update Part 2 : Why are people so mean to each other?

Hi readers,

I'm slotting in another update post this month as something has been on my mind and I wanted to share it with you all.

Last week, I was walking quickly down the street to work and as I passed a queue of cars waiting at the traffic lights, a male passenger in one of the cars lend out of a window and shouted at me 'how you doing, Fatty?'

My feet slowed, I stared at him, my expression become a mixture of shock, upset and anger. I ran through everything I could respond to that in my head. I was on the edge of telling him to 'F off,' but then I walked past. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him laughing with his mates then the car drove off.

What he said stayed with me but I had to put it out of my mind to concentrate on working. Reception was tough that night as I'd had to switch my day shift to a night shift as the other receptionist had phoned in sick. It was a junior session too and they are always so much hard work! I got through it but those words still stuck with me.

I keep thinking of all the things I should have said and how I could've turned that conversion around. I could have shocked him by answering calmly back, by making a joke of it, laughing at him. You know? All those things you think about afterwards. Of course, if I'd gone the other way and turned aggressive towards him, he might have said more hurtful things. Maybe, even taking it further. So, maybe it was a good job I walked away.

There's no way I'm letting that get to me. I've been called worse things. Strangers judge you in a few seconds and act upon what they see. So, there's no way that man could've know that for the last 10 years I've been battling a long term health condition that some days affects me so badly that I can't leave my house. It's the main reason why I struggle to control my weight. Luckily, my new drug is controlling things enough that I've now started losing weight again and I do want to keep trying.

In contrasted to this, at work I don't let anyone disrespect me. If a young person is rude to me or says something I don't like, I address it fast. I follow the guide I got in my training and stick by the rules. The youth centre is like school in that respect, we don't take any misbehaving from anyone and we try to teach the young people why it's wrong and they can become more respectful.

I have a new motto; like water of a duck's back. To try help shrug it off. But it seems to have lingered still and it got me thinking, why is it easier to be bad then to being good?

I thought I'd look into it. I remember at some point hearing it was easier to be bad because it takes up less energy and thinking time whilst if you are good then it uses up more energy and more thinking. It's the same with smiling and frowning; you use more face muscles to smile and a lot less for frowning. 

In religion, it comes across as being easy to sin. Think of Eve eating the forbidden fruit, tempting Adam to try it too and God banishing them both out of Eden. It's harder to stay good and follow the book and church even though religious people know that's what they should be doing. However, getting rid of sins/badness comes across as being simple; pray for forgiveness. 

Having a negative mind goes along aside this. It's easy to be unmotivated and lazy. It takes a lot to do activities, even if they are hobbies we like. Staying positive can be really hard to do - I for one know that really well! Remember the last life update post? There are much more benefits to staying positive though, like achieving in life, love and career. 

There's so many scientific and religious theories/information out there too. So, far I've not found truth to my first thought; energy usage. I've concluded it would take too much time for this post if I did try to find it! What I can say though is that it is easier to be bad then good for many different reasons. Some people say it's because it feels better emotionally and mentally to be bad then it does to be good, even though it seems we get the same 'high' when we are nice and helpful to people. 

Getting back to what I opened this post with, to round things off and make it a positive ending, on a total opposite spin to being insulted, later that night my wonderful boyfriend texted me and told me I was beautiful. He really likes my body and understands all my issues which helps a lot. He often calls me beautiful, sexy and hot with a lot of meaning. It's a total boost to my confidence and reminds me that there are people out there who do find me attractive.   

So, in conclusion for this post just remember that no matter what 

Thanks for reading!


Research links:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beyond-good-and-evil/201405/why-is-it-easier-organize-evil-good

http://thoughtfulreading.com/psychology/good-people-vs-bad-people/

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/four-ways-topple-negativity-bias-0114137/

September Life Update 2 : My Love Life Is A Soap Opera

Hi readers,

So today I was meant to do another book review and it was going to be Interview With A Vampire but then I realized I'd have like a week to read The Vampire Lestat and Interview took me like 3 weeks, so I decided that maybe it was best to wait and then I could also do Queen of The Damn too. Plus, also they seem very fitting for October! Also, I'm meant to be going to a steampunk weekend this week and I want to write about that, so it made even more sense to wait.

This post might feel a bit random, but I thought it'd be something everyone could relate too.

As I child and teenager one of the things I really wanted to do was to grow up. Of course, there were other things I wanted, but to break away from my parents, get out of high school, do what I wanted when I wanted it ect, that was the main one. I guess most under 18's feel the same. Then though when you are over 20 or so, you wish to go back to that time because life was so much easier. You didn't have to worry so much about money, other people, were your life was truly going and love. Being a child is frustrating, but being an adult can be even more frustrating.

And currently my love life is very frustrating. In the first week of July, I wrote an update post about thing, which did center around the dating I'd been doing. The post is here; http://hailscrazyblog.blogspot.co.uk/2016/07/july-life-update-part-1-what-am-i-doing.html. Briefly though I dropped guys B and C as they weren't for me and guy A dropped me- no idea what went wrong there, so I decided to stick it out with guy D, though I did have a a date or two with two other guys in the early days. One actually made a total mess of the after date conversation and totally put me off seeing him again.

I decided to come off the dating website and just enjoy my time with D. He and I do get along, even though I don't feel the same physical attraction to him as he does me. We have a lot in common and all our dates have been good. Going to Blackpool was the best one though! The thing has been that I can't make my mind up about him. I like D, but not in the whole falling in love way. He's a perfect gentleman - really does remind me of a British Victorian upper class, stiff upper lip gentleman really.

I do like that though. D's charming, caring and likes looking after me, but that only plays to one side of me. One of my other sides demands a wild rawness which he has yet to display. Though I also seek softness, passion and slowness. The child in me craves another child like soul to play with and though he's touched on that side of himself I need more. I have another side that seeks being dominated and surrendering. Yet I also have a side the begs for independence, alone-ness and space. My creative side needs D to be more expressive, adventurous and less controlling. My outgoing side needs him to be more confident, outgoing and louder, so that he becomes more in balance with my nature.

So, you can see this is a big undertaking! I don't expect anyone to be able to satisfy all sides of me and it seems I'm like a few persons rolled into one, which is sometimes how I end up feeling anyway. My ex dealt with it well though and perhaps he's slightly to blame for bring more of those sides out. I'm happy like this though, sure I can do with being less emotional, over thinking, over worrying and self-conscious, but wouldn't everyone?  

Actually, my ex is hanging over me like a ghost and so are the shadows of the past. I can't shake him. Too much I think back and compare him to D or one of the other guys I dated. I know it's wrong and I must stop. You can't compare men like they are shoes. They look and fit how they do, each one is different and individual. They all have their pros and cons too. Sometimes they fit, sometimes they don't no matter how hard you try and maybe that's for the best because one day you'll find the perfect shoes. That's a good if strange way to think about men.

I'm now going to use another example to help explain what happened between me and D this weekend. So far everything has be going well and I've been happy with the casual dating. About a month ago, I invited him for a weekend away in Leeds to take part in a steampunk fair. He agreed and we got a hotel for two nights between us. We decided to have a sort of trail run of spending the night together and also more private time. So, I went to his for Saturday night and now comes in my example.

Now, does anyone remember a '90's teenage drama series called The Tribe? Here's a memory jog;

     

I was addicted to this when I was an teen and I still am today. It has a surprisingly large following still. I'm bring it up because there was a lot of characters who had romantic encounters and relationships which were filled with teen awkwardness and lack/ break down of communication. This kids didn't understand the feelings they were going through and of course in the dystopian world they live in there are no adults to help explain things. So, they had to figure things out and also try and survive. Though they never seemed short of make up and clean clothes!

That teen awkwardness and break down of communication is so what happened at the weekend. There were things he and I both should have said and done that we didn't. It was difficult because we were not alone and I think it was harder for him because this was the first time he'd brought a girl to met his mum. The other problem was we did just want my ex and I use to do; sit on the soft and watch stuff. It was a jump back to a past I was trying to escape from and I just felt let down. On Sunday, he wasn't feeling well but didn't tell me that until we had left to go to the train station. I was mean to him and I said some things I shouldn't have said, but at the time I was angry and upset with him. Okay, I wasn't expecting to be treated like a Princess but he hardly treated me like a guest.

It was on my mind last night and has been on my mind all of today. Why and how had that happened? Who was to blame for a bad weekend? How come he'd upset me so much that I didn't want to see him again? The truth is both of us are to blame. I think me more then him though because I clearly need to be the one 'wearing the pants' in this relationship, which is something I've not done before and have little experience of. It's clearly time to learn!

In fact, whilst I've been writing this post we have been talking on Skype and it seems we have been able to draw a line under that weekend. He wants to put it behind us and fix the attention on Leeds, which promises to be a lot more fun and productive! I do agree, but as I told him, I need him to come out of his shell some more and just be more of himself. He needs to work on his low confidence and we both need to communicate better. I need to let go of the past, move on and stop being so selfish.

Maybe there's hope for us after all, but we'll see.

By the way this photo of a crab was meant to represent me when I get angry and/or upset. I'm too much like my star sign! But it also seemed fitting for what I just wrote too.

If you've got any relationship advice you'd like to share then please do and as always please check out my other blog;  https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/

See you next Monday!



Images from:
https://pixabay.com/
http://www.tribeworld.com/2011/series-1-wallpapers-part-2/t1_wallpaper_lg_20/

Book Review: The Reflections of Queen Snow White by David Meredith

Hi readers, 

As some of you might remember from my last post, I was gifted this e-book in exchange for a review. Let me first say it's not what I normally read, but I did find the idea behind it interesting. Though I guess it appealed to the writer side of me more then the reader side! I think this is because, and I've noticed this small issue with reading stories on my kindle before, I'm more aware of mistakes and analyzing the work then just purely reading it for pleasure. Perhaps, the long hours spent sitting at a screen proof-reading and editing mine and other people's works is to blame? Still though, I thought I'd give this go as who says no to a free book? 

That aside, of course everyone knows the story of Snow White. The most famous being Disney's version as a lot of fairy tales are known by and with the cliched ending of  'lived happily ever after.' It seems to me there's been a spur in the re-telling of famous fairy tales, what with a lot of movies focusing on upgrading the stories for adult audiences and I guess authors have been doing the same for years. In this case, Meredith has questioned the 'happily ever after' ending and done away with it to write about what did happen to Snow White and Princes Charming.   

I was a little unsure when I first looked at this e-book. The cover image is really nice, but at no point does Snow White sit at a pond, it merely reflects as -ironic as that sounds!- Snow White looking at her past selfs and reflecting upon many life stages. The story opens with Snow White listening to plans of her daughter's coming wedding, but she seems far too distant and lost in her own thoughts. She deeply misses Charming who has died - he was a lot older then her- and she can't get over how lonely she feels. Also, the fact he use to do everything and was always there for her. 

This deep sense of loss comes over really well and I did feel sad for Snow White because she does get so lost in her grieve that she can't escape from it. However, I thought her having a daughter would give her a greater purpose and something to re-focus on, but Snow White seems to have lost interested in her too. I guess because the daughter is getting married and about to also become 'lost' ? (in a sense). I know the story is about Snow White, but for me the daughter takes too much of a back seat and isn't a good supporting character. Though at the end things do get turned around and Snow White does become a mother figure.  

The plot then goes; desperate to have some peace in her busy castle, Snow White goes to the rooms of her wicked step-mother and discovers the magic mirror. There the mirror shows Snow White moments of her past she has buried and how they prove she is a strong woman. We get a re-telling in parts of the original fairy tale by the Grimm brothers, which is far more horror like then the pretty, flowery Disney version! In this context it works very well though and Meredith goes into detail about the abuse and neglected that the child Snow White faced. 

The other moment that stuck with me was the wedding night sex scene. I accidentally, whilst seeing what other people thought briefly about the e-book, read someone's thoughts on this scene and they described it as being rape. That for whatever reason struck me when I reached that part. I didn't see it that way, but I understand why some women might do. It becomes clear that Snow White knows nothing about sex because no one has ever told her anything. Charming, who clearly does know, doesn't take the time to tell her much and just gets on with it. Though, Snow White does seem to enjoy it. There's not much graphic detail of the sex and what I got out of it was the tradition of it and the fact that a heir was needed. 

After having seen and reflected on these hidden events of her past, Snow White sees that she was wrong about herself and she's not an incapable, weak woman. The abuse and lost she suffered has made her stronger and she was able to move on from them before. This allows her to move on from the death of Charming and grew as a queen. Thus, having a happier old age. 

The plot itself does work well and lots of themes do get explored, including death, loss, depression and love. There was enough interest for me to keep reading and I did want to find out about Snow White's time with Prince Charming. However, it is short. When I first started reading, my Kindle told me it was going to take just over two hours and half to read. For most people, that wouldn't be a bother, but for the writer in me I could see areas that could have been expanded upon. Also and as I've said before, I like my stories to have a linear flow and not be so choppy and jumping to flashbacks. I think having a better and more subtle movements into the flashbacks of the past would have improved the narrative structure. 

My second major issue, and this I know is personal to me more then anything else, is the language that Meredith uses. I get he was really trying to capture the settings and time, which came across to me is medieval style and German (true to the original Snow White), but every few words my dyslexic brain would stumble and I'd be like okay I've no idea what that word means, skip it! And it made it hard going for me. Don't get me wrong though, it is nicely written and there is something poetic and old fashioned romantic about the language, but it might take a few pages to get into. 

I think that many readers will easily be able to connect with the character of Snow White and the themes. Haven't we all lost someone and been in love? She is grieving and doubting herself because of that, though at the end she comes out okay. It does feel realistic to life despite the time setting.  

One of the main things I'm taking away from reading this e-book is that you don't actually need a magic mirror to reflect on your past. Though that'd be very useful! You just need some space and time. For me, reflecting has always come easily, I guess years of writing diaries and sub-consciously thinking in my story writing, then my four uni years of having to review my own work and writing book reviews. I always written when I need to reflect on something, often before I talk to someone about it and that just gives me the chance to gather my thoughts and feelings together. This story just reminded me how important it is to reflect back, because no matter how dark your past there is always some good, even if it's only small. Also, don't let your past hold you back!      

Overall, I did enjoy reading this e-book even though I had a few problems with it, but I think that's more personal to me then actual 'issues' with plot, character and language. I'd recommend this to adults who wonder what happened after 'the happily ever after' because it does give a whole new aspect to the Snow White story which makes her more interesting.  

You can find it here on Amazon;  http://www.amazon.co.uk/Reflections-Queen-Snow-White-ebook/dp/B00FLF4JAG/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1458591579&sr=8-1&keywords=The+Reflections+of+Queen+Snow+White

Thanks for reading and next week I'm returning to a book that past me did read, but present me has no memory of. I wonder what future me is going to think about it? See you next Monday for that. 

            

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Image from: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/18780192-the-reflections-of-queen-snow-white