April Life Update: Being Ill Is Not Much Fun.

Hi readers,

Sorry, I've not posted in two week, but I was ill and so was my mum. In fact, I still am as this cold doesn't seem to want to go. Sometimes I can think of nothing worse then a bad cough that just won't quit! I guess it doesn't help that I've had hardly anytime to rest up. I've had a busy time at work, covering other peoples' shifts and volunteering on reception. Plus, I had an interview for working with the seniors, but I didn't get the job. Didn't get my PhD interview either, which was a shock.

Also, I can't let go of my ex-boyfriend no matter what I tell myself and it's become a complicated issues of us not being together and agreeing we really are not getting back together, but acting as if we are a couple again! So yeah, I'm feeling really low about stuff. And though I hate to admit, I'm wondering if I'm getting depressed again. Though, it's more like my run of bad luck and feeling ill that's giving me those thoughts. But if it does get worse, I'll be going to talk to someone.

I've not been up to anything crafty or arty outside of work. I've still got my felt steggie dinosaur to make and my mum is busy knitting me a werewolf, so maybe next month to show off them? Though got my trip to London first! So, excited about that.

Firstly, I'm currently taking part in the A-Z Challenge on my other blog. Every day, but for Sundays, the post has to be titled and be about a word starting with the next letter of the alphabet. So last week as an example I wrote stories about Anxiety, Bedazzled, Cacti, Dog. I'm finding it lots of fun and a great way to meet other bloggers. Of course, it's also to get you writing and blogging more, but I all ready do that!  

Secondly, I wanted to write about my reading goals for this year, which I had put on my Goodreads page, but forgot. I choice to try and read 30 books this year and so far I've read only 10. Feels more then that though! Last year, I did a reading challenge from Popstar, I think it was and there was around 30 books on that last too. I didn't get to read all of them though. Hopefully, having to do a book review 3-4 times a month will help as I'll need to start reading faster again.

I've got lots of books that I keep meaning to start, like the True Blood ones as I've finished watching all the seasons now. Also, the Vampire Diaries, Anne Rice's wolf books, though I'd love to read Interview with A Vampire again. Then I've got some steampunk ones and some YP ones and just, yeah far far too many! I'm sure I'll get around to them all though.

Here's the link to my Goodreads:  https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/7400715-hayley-hardman

The only upside to being ill has been that I've spent a lot of time playing Bioshock. This is like my third time playing through it now. I'm way out of practice and found the medium setting a bit hard. I've never been good at shooting games, nor any other game really, but I do still like playing them. I think Bioshock grabs me because of the dystopia setting and the story line. It feels like a different experience to other games and I remember watching my dad playing and getting hooked. I feel like I did a review of it once on here...anyway....

I've finished it again, but I'm going back for some of the achievements I've missed and then I've got to play through it again for two or three more as well. I've moved on to Bioshock 2 now, which is my favorite. I love playing as a Big Daddy and learning more about Rapture! I don't know why I find the second easier to do, maybe its the add strength of being stronger or because I've played it that many times I just know it. My favorite level is Siren Alley. I'm not sure why, but it really sticks with me.

In fact, I started reading the novel that is set before the first game and I'm going to review it next week now.

So on Thursday of last week, I was feeling so fed up with everything that I decided to take the plunge I was planing to do at the end of this month or maybe later. I joined two dating websites. Well, it turned out that okcupid still had my profile...don't know why, but it seems I forget to delete it. I also joined plenty of fish, which I was on ages ago, but got rid of after meeting my second ex-boyfriend.  

Writing and talking about all the thoughts and feels I had when I'd set up the accounts and glanced at some photos of possible dates is just impossible. I have the urge to try though, but I guess it'll be hard for people who've not been in this situation to understand. I just felt so guilty and sad and like it was wrong. I was betraying and being unfaithful too. But of course I'm single now, so why would I feel like all that?! I guess the idea of moving on is just too painful still and thinking that I'll never find anyone who's better then him. I just felt worse about everything.

Then the messages started...it's weird I was thinking I'd have to wait hours, days maybe before guys saw my profile, but nope. I'm not playing 'the I'm desperate game' or 'I'm super lonely' ect, I'm just being me, though a lot less flirty then I remember being before. I still don't know if it's what I want, but I know I won't be meeting up with anyone anytime soon. Jumping into another relationship isn't going to help, but seeing that there are other men interest in me will make me feel a bit better. And I never know who'll meet, so I'm going to try and have some fun...though not to much, can't get carried away! 

So, next week I'm going to review the Bioshock book and then hopefully, fit another review in the Monday after and before I go to London. Still really excited about that!

Till next time!  

Images from:
http://store.steampowered.com/app/7670/
https://pixabay.com/en/love-heart-broken-sad-unhappy-cry-1281655/

Life Update #2

Hi readers,

My review of Dust will be up in the next few days, I just need to finish the last novella. Until then, I thought I'd post another life update. This is because I've started a new blog. Well, its been up for three weeks or so now, but its' still early days. I decided that I would like a clean space to post up some of the short stories I've written and others that I want to write. Also I decided to challenge myself and to write/post a story a day. I'd love it if my followers and anyone else who readers my blog would check out it. Here's the address: http://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/

I'll still be writing this one as I only post a few times a month and I do enjoy reviewing books and looked at writing techniques. I just thought having two separate blogs would be easier and also I seem to have more interest on Wordpress then I've ever had using blogger.com. I'm not sure why this is and I don't really have a preference. At least nothing will change on this blog anyway. My new blog so far has a whole range of different themes and genres on it. Also the word count for each story varies a lot. I also have many different ideas of how I want to display my stories too. So, every story is unique!

My second piece of news is that a job I was guaranteed to get as a receptionist and customer service helper,  last week, I didn't get. It went to someone higher up to decided over me and someone else and they give her the job because she had more experience. I've been really upset and frustrated since Monday. I understand there wasn't a lot I could do, but I was looking forward to starting the next chapter of my life and moving on. I've got another interview for a different job tomorrow and though I'm not as guaranteed to get this one as much, I plan to give it my best shot. Tomorrow, I'll also get to see another area of Manchester and I love exploring my city. I'm still hopeful that something is out there for me and I'll find my path soon enough. Though it feels like I've been waiting an age already.

One of my plans this month is get the first chapters of my novel sorted and send it off to a few agents and publishers. It's something people have been bugging me to do for awhile, but I've not felt ready and nor has the novel. The problem is I'm not sure if the right time will ever come if I don't start acting upon it. So, I'm planing this weekend to start editing and getting it in preparation to be sent it. It can be a long process this and doing the research to find places to send it can take up so much time. I've all the tools and knowledge I need to do this though and I'm sure once I make the first step it'll be easier. As everything turns out to be.

Next, I need to start revising again for my theory driving test. I'm taking it the first week of October. I'm sure most of the stuff has stuck with me, I just need to get into practice with it again and remind my mind about some of the stuff. I want to pass first time because then I can try and do the practical and get a car soon after- around Christmas time, if I can sort out the insurance etc. That's my rest of year plan at the minute.

Lastly, I've been playing Dungeons and Dragons 5th edition at my local gaming shop. I played my 3rd game last night and I'm enjoying it. I've finding it slightly difficult to get the rules in my head as things aren't the same as 4th edition and I've become far too use to have that works. I'm also liking meeting the flurry of new people that have been turning up to play. This is because for the last few months Encounters has just been one table and 5-7 people and I got to know them really well. I actually preferred that, but mostly because I've social and trust issues and it can take me while to get to know people and feel okay to show my true nature, which also seems to be the opposite of my shy front! However, I'm growing use to more people and have started to make friends with some of them.

I think even though I'm a bit bad at playing and remembering things, I still like going to DD for the social aspect of it. Geeks, Nerds and Role Players/ Gamers are some of the nicest people. Granted they do take while to use to new people, but after that they have habit of become your friend for life. Also doing RP gets you a chance to explore different sides of yourself and others. I think for a writer this can be very useful and also the stories that come out from being around a table too! I'm looking forward to every Wednesday evening now.

So, once again I'm really busy and have so many plans! Like I said at the start, Dust review will be up soon and so until then please check out my new blog. Thanks.

Up And Coming Posts

Hi readers, I thought I'd put together a list of all the posts I'm planning to do in the next few months/the rest of the year. This is also because I've not finished the book I want to review. The other book I thought about reviewing today, I've not read in a good few years. Even though it's by one of my favorite writers, I realized that I so needed to read it again to get the review right. So, I thought I'd do one of these posts again and make a list of things. Hopefully it'll help you as well as me! Please note these are not in any order, beside from the first one.

Book reviews 

1. Wool by Huge Howey.
2. Lost Souls by Poppy Z. Brite.
3. Shift by Hugh Howey.
4. Dust by Hugh Howey.
5. Batman and Dracula comic book trilogy.
6. One Piece by Eiichiro Oda (Japanese Manga)
7. Battle Royale by Koushun Takami (The Novel)
8. Rapture by John Shirley (Bioshock Novel)
9. The Eyre Affair by Jasper Fforde
10. Soulless by Gail Carriger.

11. Phoenix Rising by Pip Ballantine.

12. The Iron Wyrm Affair by Lilith Saintcrow
13.Boneshaker by Cherie Priest
14. About a Dragon by G. A. Aiken.
15. Prince Lestat by Anne Rice
16. The King by J .R. Ward.

Other Topics 

1. Has education made us hate literature? (My Opinions)
2. How To: Promote Your book.
3. Editor Jobs.
4. Proofreading Jobs.
5. Ghost Writing Jobs.
6. What other jobs can writers do?
7. Dungeons and Dragons 5th Edition.
8. Writing Promotes.


Images from:
http://sablegrey.net/home/?page_id=20

Still Struggling

'Well, I can't give any more, So now I'm giving up. 'Cause nothing's ever good enough.'

 

These lyrics from Good Enough by Hoobstank might be taken out of content, but they really say what I am feeling right. However, the other side of my mind is fighting against that and trying to stay positive, but that's a hard thing to do when you are feeling down and worthless. I don't want this post to be an emotional out pouring of my issues, I'd rather do that in private, but I've not written in awhile and well, I've got things on my mind. So maybe my out pour will help people to think or find their own voices on these matters.

I've just completed my four weeks of work experience. I wrote a few weeks back to say I was starting it and I did want to write another post about my experiences there, but I've been really busy and tried. Plus trying to juggle everything was really hard. Now that's it's over I've gone back to having more time, but I already miss it because I had something physical to do and I was motive. I got on with the people and became a team member too. I liked having different stuff to do each day and though some of the tasks did get boring and I did repeat things, I still give it my all and worked to a high standard. At the end of the day it proved I could work in an office and that I do fit the role of receptionist/admin, which was what I really wanted out of it.

It can be easy to become stuck with certain skills and not be able to expend out. Thinking in terms of a writer this seems true, but actually I know we do a lot more then that. A writer has to take on all the roles in a business team generally; boss, receptionist, admin, PA, account, writer, editor, proof-reader, researcher, mentor, tea maker and drinker. They sometimes become publisher too. I guess we don't realise that though, but it is true. Having a job like a plumber or electrician can bottle the skills and some people feel like they can't gain anything different. That's not true. There seems to be more courses and sessions then ever before now to expend skills and knowledge. I don't believe that a person can say they know everything. They might know a lot, but that knowledge won't be about everything in the world. However, I do think that people can reach a point where they don't think they can gain any more skills or knowledge. Sort of like me. What I lack is the experience and right now I think that is something most people suffer from.

Yes, my work experience went well, but as of yet it hasn't helped me into a job. I have no idea why and if I knew what the issue was I'd be trying to fix it. However, I know everything is fine at my end. The problem seems to be with the employers. So granted I won't be suitable for every job I apply for, but I've not even been given the chance to prove I could do the job with some of the others I've applied for. I don't know why I'm being so over looked and I don't know how to change this. I know there are certain things to put in cover letters and in CVs to attract the eye and make mine standout, but even that seems to have got me no where. Knowing the reasoning behind that would make me feel better, but I guess employers don't have the time for such things.

You know what else gets to me though? This reliance on technology. Grated it is easier to write and send off job applications and its easier to find jobs. But I hate these personality and other quizzes some companies make you take. I get the idea of it is to cut the number of applicants so that only the ones suitable for the job can go of interview, but the problem with these quizzes is that it can under value some people. Like me, because I suck at those quizzes. For example, today I did a quiz for a customer service job at a bank. Now you'd think that I'd be a good person to give an interview to because I've had experience and loved doing a customer service role. I've just proved I can work in an office and do admin duties. Okay, so I've not got an experience selling products to people, but I had to sell my uni to visitors and I was able to do that. I'm young, hard working, wanting to learn and meet new people. I'm good with computers and I've a good phone manner. I'm not so good with numbers, but I've learned how to cope with that over the years. I just don't understand and once again I'm starting to think there's a problem with myself and that's the reason why I'm struggling. The other thing

I also hate is how some companies want you to fill out a form that basically is your CV but just differently formatted. I don't understand why they bother with this, because it means you have to spend more time sending them information that you are already sending to them in your CV and most of the time there's no space for expending on things like the modules you took or else going into detail about your last job. So that seems pointless to me and gets me wondering why they just can't be happy with a CV? I think that applying for jobs in some cases has become a lot more harder and complicated thanks to technology. You spend ages filling in stuff and then don't get anywhere because you forgot to tick one box as it got lost under something else. Worse yet is when the website crashes or doesn't save! I can think of lots of times I've just finished off an applications or part of one and it's not saved or sent because of a problem on their website. Life was easier when you could go into these places and ask to speak to someone about the job. You could hand in a CV and talk to the people. You could leave feeling satisfied that they will call you back, whilst instead when you click that send button it just feels like a relieve to have completed all the forms.

I've not really put this into the actual context I meant to write it under. Basically, this whole thing has come about because my adviser at the jobcentre put me down this morning. I know that I am on her target list to get off jobseekers and into work. She thought it would be an easy enough thing to do and that I'd have got something a few months after signing on. It's not been the case and I keep coming back. I hate going to the job centre and I hate having to sign on even more. It makes me feel so useless and like a bad child at school. I know its not true, because I've a good education and have proven I can do so many things. I've also proven I'm doing all I can to find work and I don't think I could give any more. I feel like they should be offering more support to me and getting me to stay positive. Instead when I leave I feel so upset and depressed by the whole thing. Of course that then means I'm not in the mood to look for a job and like now I end up questioning myself and trying to figure out what's wrong with me. Plus it also impacts on my whole day. I was at the jobcentre for half ten this morning and its now twenty to eight and its still all on my mind, worrying me and making me feel bad and emotional. At the end of the day, that shouldn't be happening and that's not how I should be feeling after speaking to them. Maybe next time I shall have to find my voice and tell her to stop putting me down.

Technically, I shouldn't be there anyway and if I had it my way -job or no job - I wouldn't go. My problem is the money and the hole that would create on my CV. I need the money, so that I can travel to interview places, so that I can have down time with my friends- though its been ages since I was last out drinking and mostly this time has now became dates with my boyfriend-so I can buy stuff and not feel like a teenager begging money off my family. I actually save my money too. I keep it and only spend it when I need to. I buy myself a small treat like a new book or cd or my favourite sweets once a month if that. I'd like more money to become independence, to learn how to drive and to save up to get my own place.

I need to end on a positive note or else I'm just going to go to bed tonight in this depressed mood. So, here is my one good piece of news today. When I got home of the job centre, they phoned me to tell me that a job had come up and that they had recommended me for it. I just needed to send my CV to the place and then hopefully I'd be called for an interview. Now the job is actually something I could do and would be very happy to be doing as its selling books. So, now I'm just waiting to hear back and I'm keeping fingers crossed for it.

For my next post I want to write about e-books and the changing reading habits of people because its been on my list to write for ages and I so need to do it. I also want to get that new review started on my other blog and see how that goes. So, look out for those.



Self-publishing - 100 post!

Hi readers,

I've published my first self-published short story today and it'd be great if you could support me. 'Dead Nick' is available for download to Kindle at https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B0092RGDJO It's a short story about an office worker who starts hearing a voice in his head. I wrote it for an essay at uni and have rewritten it slightly for publishing. This is one of the short stories I've actually tried to get published in a magazine and on line but it was rejected for 'not being what they were looking for at the time.' Which is what happens to many stories entered to such places or even to actually publishing houses.

I was motive by my boyfriend to try self-publishing, though my parents have been going on about it for awhile. During my BA and MA self-publishing had mixed reviews from my tutors and visiting writers. Most thought it was actually a good thing to do and a way to get yourself out there. Some frowned upon it though and didn't recommended self-publishing if you want to become a professional writer. It's a problematic question for many writers trying get on the publishing ladder. Do they spend ages looking for the right place to send their work, packet/email sections with cover letters and wait for rejection replies? Or do they take the easy way out and self-publish? I don't think they'll ever be a clear answer to that question.

The traditional ways of writing and publishing have really changed in the last twenty plus years. The internet has helped a great deal with that and authors who wouldn't have got a chance are now becoming popular because their work is more easy to access. Authors are also getting headhunted through their self-publishing online and their work is then being made into books, TV shows and movies. There's so many examples of this and it's growing all the time. Take the recent popularity of the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy. That started as self-published fan fiction and was then rewritten into a self-published novel. The way people read has also changed so much due to the new technologies of kindles, ipads etc. People are now finding it easy to read and access books, magazines and the news from these devices. Still though the actual book is very much alive. Finding a replacement for the book format is hard and frankly not needed. This reminds me of Jasper FFords Thursday Next series. A very awesome and mind blowing series all about life in-between the pages of books.

 The reason why I choice to self-publish though is because I'm at a cross roads in my life again. I'm not sure what I want to do now. I know my dream, but it feels far away and none of my novels are ready-in my view-to be published. Though sending off a few sample chapters is always something I can do. Right now my mind seems to be saying "get a job, get some experience of adult life and think about what you really want to do next." Well, that might be just around the corner as I've an before interview meeting tomorrow in a call centre. (More on that later) I think I'm self-publishing as an experiment, to see if it would actually work for me and what other opportunities it would generate for me. I do feel proud of myself right now for actually doing it. Feels like a big step in the right direction.

I guess if things seem to be going well, I'll start publishing some more short stories and wait to see what happens. I'm not really doing it for the money, though right now I'm really in needed of some!- one of the reasons why I'm currently looking at having ads on my blog. The big question will be if I decided to self-publish a novel and right now I'm slightly against this as I'd like to try and get it published the tradditional way first, but we shall see.

I choice to self-publish online because it's free and faster then going to a company and getting them to do it. I also decided that though having a physical cope of my book, though it's only a short story, would be good, it was properly a bad move at this stage to make. I'd have no idea what I'd have done with say 50 copies of my story to then try and sell myself, nor would having it on a website that printed on demand work. So by going through Amazon, a very well know company all over the world, felt the right thing to do. If self-publishing is the right move for me though is another thing and only time will tell on that one.

Lastly, it's your final chance to get involved in the selection of next year's books for World Book Night. http://www.worldbooknight.org/ There's a hundred titles to choice from or you can pick your own. WBN is something I've been supporting for the last two years and I've been a book giver both times now. It's worth becoming a part of if you love books and want them to reach more people. So, vote for your favourites right now.





 

First day at uni

So I thought before I had my tea I'd post on my blog and get some stuff out of my head. This stuff is not about my 3rd year at uni and my classes, though I've to say my first one-Modernism was good this morning, though they messed up the class rooms big style! But the hot American boys in my class made up for that! This post is about what's going to happen after I graduate.....thing is we had another lecture on this today and though they have been hounding us since we first started uni, it just doesn't get any easier.

My problem is that I was thinking of doing a teaching course, but it seems that its not going to be easy to get on that. Though I'm applying for the further and higher eduction course, it seems I need some experience at teaching and I've no idea where to even begin with that one! I'm left to do it by myself and my head already hurts with just filling in the form. I know I've to do this though and I'm not going to let it stop me. So I'm going to try and speak to my tutor tomorrow about it and see what he says.

I start script writing tomorrow too, that's my worse subject. I can't write in the style they want me too, but I'm going to try harder this year! Bug my tutors, I guess. lol. I'm stressed about stuff right now, though I know I shouldn't be! I just need to chill out, so its off to the pub quiz tonight! Lots of fun and drinking and though people have already pulled out I don't care. I'll go by myself if I've too!

Making my tea now and trying to come up with a group name....got a meeting on Thursday about me applying to be a student guide. Hope I get that and also the LRC post. I've been thinking about doing the uni mag too, but I think that might be too much, shall have to wait and find out. Think I've been boring enough for one day now. Hopefully I'll write something more fun next time and with photos too!