Time To Talk About Mental Health Day

Hi readers, 

I'm doing an extra post this week because today is mental health awareness day and as someone who's suffered through a lot of mental health problems, I thought I'd take sometime to write about it. 

I've had three lots of depression; one which was undiagnosed when was I fifteen -because everyone just thought I was unhappy at school, but on reflection and knowing what I now know it was clearly depression. One for a brief time when I left uni before returning to do my masters - I was upset that I had to close the door on what had been a great three years of my life and I wasn't sure what to do next. And my finally one which was about three/four years back now, when I couldn't get a job and I just wanted to give up on everything. 

That most recent one was longer and more serious then the other two. I had to have pills and counselling. It all came about because after graduating I spent two years trying to get a job. The first year I told myself was like a gap year because I so needed the break and I did get stuff done and I was okay. 

The second year though the job center and my parents were on my back a lot. I must have applied for 200 odd jobs that year and got hardly any interviews. I didn't want to do anything, everyone was putting me down, so why not agree with them? I begin to beat myself up over how worthless and bad I must be. I told myself that there must be something wrong with me. All my friends had jobs and were moving on with their lives and I was just stuck in the gutter. What was the point?

The job center told me I was depressed and I needed to see my doctor. I did and found out I was dangerously depressed and suicidal. It came as a shock to me because I'd not realized how bad my mental health was. I think that it happens to a lot of people, but they just decided to get on with it and keep it hidden. It's a hard topic to talk about and other people who've not had mental health problems can't always understand how and why people who are affect behave the way they do. 

I've always been very talkative and I found that talking to my family and friends as well as the counselling did help. I started doing a lot more volunteering and found that I was getting into all the crafts and sewing at the youth center. I started to sew at home and discovered a liking for it. It became a hobby and it helped a lot of my depression. It give me something to focus on and do, which meant I wasn't thinking about stuff all the time and I had something of a purpose, because I'd then teach the kids how to do it. Then of course, I got a job and things have been pretty stable. 

Well, until last month when I broke up with my boyfriend. I've been boarding on being depressed again. Some of the signs have been there; lack of motivation, being stressed, ill, feeling uninspired and putting myself down that I won't fall in love again. I decided that I just couldn't go backwards and I didn't want to get so depressed again, that's why at the start of February, I picked up the list of stuff I'd wrote down I needed to do at the start of the new year and began thinking and doing some of them. I still have moments - I guess it's going to take some time to get myself right again- but for now I'm doing okay.  

    

My mum directed me to the Time To Change organisation because she thought it'd be good for me to run an activity on mental health with the 8-12 year olds I work with. I know that sounds a little young, but research is showing that a lot of young people are suffering with mental health problems. So, I thought it'd be cool to get the kids to make these folded claw things -that's what I call them! and talk about stuff with them. 

I think that depression, anxiety and stress - both which I've also had bouts of- are the top mental health issues. I think it has something to do with the societies and lifestyles we now all have. But there's also other mental health problems like phobias, grief and panic. A lot of this just goes undiagnosed because people won't go see doctors or talk to people about it because they are embarrassed. Today is the day to change that. And I know it's hard because you don't want people to be mean or misunderstand you etc, but actually the first step of admitting you might have a problem will make you feel better and of course once the ball is rolling it's a lot easier!  

Finally, I wanted to share this image below about stressing less. There's lots of things you can do when you're feeling stressed or having other mental health problems. Reaching out to people and getting the help and support you need is important and I think remembering these 10 points can also be useful. 

So, I hope that whatever you're doing to do is good and that you've found reading this inspiring enough to either make that first step or help others. Until Monday. Thanks for reading and please check out my other blog; https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/

Images from: 

http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/timetotalkday-resources

http://www.dailynewsservice.co.uk/mental-health-misconceptions/

http://historiasdeariadne.blogspot.co.uk/2015/08/os-piores-12-habitos-para-nossa-saude.html

January 2016 Update: January Blues

Hi readers and welcoming to my first post of 2016! 

It's taken me a couple of weeks to get around to writing this, but I've had my reasons, which I'll go into later. Firstly though, I was reading a magazine the other day that January is the worst time of year because we don't have anything to look forward to unlike the other months. Plus, its the deflate after Christmas and New Year because you've eaten and drunk so much, spent lots of money and had a ton of fun. Now, it's back to work or education with little money and feeling like you over did everything. Also, your New Year resolution has probably gone completely out of the window.

January and February always feel the hardest months to get through for me. It's cold and snowy- though I seemed to have missed nearly all the bad weather so far- and it's getting dark so early. Getting out of bed is super hard for me and I do tend to hibernate like a bear during winter. I'm not big on going out either- unless its snowed and it looks nice-because everywhere is muddy, wet or icy. And its so cold and though I do like walking, the weather has to be decent. 

My health, which hasn't been good in years, also doesn't like the winter weather. I've been a bit bad recently with things and something keeps triggering my asthma. I've no idea what it is, but my chest has been giving me lot of grieve. I've had to take strong painkillers for my other health condition and the side effect of that is that I want to sleep all the time. Also, my iron level has been down again, making me tried and grumpy. I've been trying to start eating better to help all this issues and to loss some weight, but my other side effect is that I don't feel like eating and I become sick and nausea, making things harder.       

Thankfully, I'm feeling better today though there is another event which has triggered these problems and I'm still struggling to deal with. I broke up with my boyfriend last Monday. He sent me a message about it then when we spoke I officially ended things. I was really mad at him because we'd just been to my brother's birthday meal on Saturday and spent Christmas and New Year together. I felt he'd just thrown that all way and it was like it didn't mean anything. I know that's not true, but I couldn't help but feel that way. We weren't meeting each other's needs and what I now want is different to what he wants because we are both at different stages really.     

It's real difficult because we were together 3 and bit years and I thought 'd found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. We never argued and were very close, we had enough in common and everything seemed to be good. I think though he kept this doubt about things between us and he let it grow and come out again. Will we get back together? Not anytime soon. He remembered what I had stated the last time we broke up and got back together, that if we broke again then a good amount of time, in which we dated other people and progressed more with our lives needed to happen before we decided if we should get back together. I think that's the best thing to do really. 

A lot of people give me the classic advice of 'if one door closes another opens,' and 'if it's meant to be it'll find away,' I told my dog- who I've been talking to a lot and been seeking comfort from- 'there were plenty more fish in the sea' and 'it really wasn't the end of the world.'  Sometimes though the classics catchphrases are just what you need to reassure yourself with. I'm going to miss him, no doubt about that, though he won't completely be out of my life. There's still Dungeons and Dragons and he did say he wanted to stay friends. I don't know how I really feel about that at the moment, but what I do want is for there to be a neutral line between us. I want to be mature and calm about it. I know that's going to be so hard to do, but I've got to come out of this stronger now, I don't have any choice. 

I was watching the birds in the garden this morning and I was thinking how that the blue tits, the robin and the sparrows have to live in the current moment. So much of their time and energy is spent finding and eating food. Winter is the hardest month for them and yet they find the will to carry on. They don't seem to have that many worries but for getting the basic needs sorted and it made me think about everything I had to appreciate. My basic needs have been met and exceeded, I've had a good life, been luckier then other people and yeah, even though I'm not rich and famous - which is probably over rated anyway, I'm doing okay. 

I wish my life was as simple as that of a bird's though. Humans compared to all the other animals live complicated, stressful and worry filled lives. The idea of going back to basics does attracted me, but I guess that would mean going to a small island with nothing on it and trying to survive. A Robinson Crusoe situation, but I couldn't cope without my books!        

Whilst watching the birds I also noticed that the snowdrops and bluebells were coming up in the garden. Though it feels far to early for plants to become up, it seemed the mild winter is causing then to appear. The splash of green in the bare brown garden, made me feel happy. Everything moves on and keeps on turning, things happen for many reasons and the world is full of goodness. I guess I just feel like nature is reminding me that things have their time and place, life just carries on. 

I feel little bit better after writing all of this now. Having time to reflect is important and I know it's going to take awhile before I move on again. My lack of motivation and wanting to do things will fade and for now I'm just going to do the small things and take little steps. Hopefully, I'll meet someone else soon. It is a big world out there after all. 

I found this last image on another site and I just love it. It really fits in with what I've been writing about too. I thought it looked like a nice thing to finish on. Till next time. 

Images from: 

https://pixabay.com/

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/c3/fe/d0/c3fed0cd1cce09f81cf7a24cf5b48330.gif

Chester Zoo

Hi readers,

Yesterday I spent the day at Chester Zoo with my friends as this cool photo above shows! They take your photo when you enter and you can buy it afterwards. That's what we ended up doing when we saw this pic! It's good as well because you can access them online and there's two other backgrounds one with elephants and the other with rhinos. I like this one though.

We had an amazing day out and took a lot of photos! Some of my pics turned out pretty good and we had a close experience with many of the animals. The weather held out too and it was sunny, though slightly cold in the wind, but all the animals were out. Enough of us went as well, so we were able to catch up on things that had been happening since we were last together. So the zoo was a back drop for us getting together really, but it was still interesting. I've not been to a zoo in awhile, last time must have been Blackpool zoo with college for my animal care course. I think also a small part of me is against zoos, because I like animals to be in the wild as that's where they belong. I know that they are not safe in some areas and the conservation works most zoos do around the world is important to
make sure these wonderful animals are still around for future generations to see for real.




My favourite animals had to be the fruit bats, red pandas, meerkats, the elephants (pic above) and some of the tropical birds, because they were cool. I was most excited about seeing the bats and it's a shame you couldn't take pics inside their house. I don't think they would have turned out anyway, because the bats move so fast and it is really dark. I liked just standing there and watching them flying around. They come really close to you as well and you can feel the air moving around you. I could have spent more time in the bat house, but some of my friends were getting a little scared, so we left. I didn't get any pics of the red pandas either because they were hiding high up in the trees when we walked by. They are really cute though! The meerkats were cute too, because they had babies and I took a lot of photos of them. I'll put them up at the end with some of the other good ones.

In the tropic house there was some cool birds, and we were kept amused by one of these bird which took a liking to one of my housemates! There's video evidence of this as well, but I don't think anyone is going to forget it any time soon. My housemate spend a lot of time whisling and talking to this bird and then he trainned it to follow him. So he would run from one side to the other and the bird would copy him and jump from one branch to the next! We had a right laugh over that and it was hard to tear ourselves away, but more animals were waiting. This is bird below- a White-Crested Turaco.




I also really liked the butterfly house because there was so many large and pretty butterflies fluttering about and it was hard not to stop and stare at all the bright patterns on the wings. It was interesting too because my other housemate wrote her dissertation on butterflies-though it was just the one kind, but she still knew some interesting facts about some of the others. I liked the big black and white ones and watching them drinking up orange juice was really cool. I also really liked the glass wing butterfly because it has see through wings. It was hard to take a photo of, but I think I just about got it. The reason why it's wings are like that is for camaflage so it can survive longer in the wild.



We had a good day out over all and Chester Zoo is well worth the visit any time! They have some many cool animals there and the staff are really friendly and know the different animals well. I've some other cool pics too, so I'm going to put them up now.

Reading in Liverpool at WOW

Hi readers!
Last week I told you about going to read some of my first chapter of my novel out in a competition. Well, the big event was last night in Liverpool at this really great coffee shop called The Green Cauldron. I'll be dropping by for a visit there next time I'm in Liverpool, because they have an amazing carrot cake and though I don't like coffee the smell is just great. Anyway, so I had entered the first chapter of my novel into this competition for it to get published in a small book of first chapters and I didn't actually win. Still though, I sure felt like I had done last night! I was really worried about presenting my novel and not just because reading my own work to strangers is mega unnerving, but in case it wasn't very good.....
I had worked hard on getting my words right though and I didn't mess up. The judges asked some questions too and I answered them really well. The winning for me was the fact I was there and I did my reading. To me it just showed how far I'd come really, because I'd never even think about doing anything like that when I was at college! Still though I knew my novel would be okay and I know it still needs work, but that's way writing just goes. I got a chance to speak to one of the judges after too and she said my chapter had potential and was interesting, I just need to sort out the opening a bit more. So that was really encouraging and I wanted to run home and start writing again!
I had a great time and it was fantastic to be a part of something like this. I liked listening to everyone else reading their chapters too because there was some interesting openings there. I wasn't alone though and I should have said before that my fan club where their to witness this massive step in my life and also that of the novel. I don't know what I would have done if my friends couldn't have come. They were amazing as my support and somehow they managed to keep my nervousness down and make me laugh. I owe them so much and truly I can't describe my gratitude to them, because they are completely amazing brilliant people.
I think I'm still in shock and on a high. Silly really, but I just provide to myself that I can do things like this and I did really enjoy reading. Well, that's something I've always loved and I have been known to read aloud to friends and family before now. Strange thing to get a kick out of, but still....So now I'm recommending people get out there and share their stories with the world. It's important to do this because there's so many great tales out there and it's a shame most of them get lost. I know people are too busy and technology is currently ruling, but still go grab your fav novel and start reading it! Or start writing!!!
Here's the WOW website- http://www.writingonthewall.org.uk/index-page.html
Lastly for today, I only have one more essay to do. I've not started it, but I will be doing tomorrow! It's due in on monday, but I've been stuck with my other ones and doing my reading. I'm sure it'll be fine though and it's on Modernism which is very interesting in itself. Also I'll put the photos up of me reading when I get them off my friends soon!

Last weekend at home

Hi, know I've not written in another age, but I've been busy once again. Busy with my volunteering job, getting use to contact lenses and making future plans at uni. Also I've been reading The Black Dagger Brotherhood and watching Heroes. So yeah, almost a total waste of another summer. Not been much in the mood to write though, but I've to say in reading BDB I've realized that I can fix the problems I've in my novel set in Liverpool. This is my plan now, to go back to uni, get back into working and writing and try to fix my novel.

It sounds a lot of work, but I've done it before! When I did my GCSEs I wrote a whole series of novels I think there was like 7 or 8 books in all and they range from 50-70 odd pages (was aimed at teenagers) Then during my as/a levels I wrote 3 adult novels (My first trilogy and also first novels about vampires!) I'd done two years of animal care before that, but I suddenly started writing again and was inspired to carry on by a friend who I'd met in high school. She then wrote herself into the second book, (which reminds me I need to bring her back from the dead at the end of that novel!) and helped me edit the first one as my college years drew to an end.

Then there's been uni and my chance to prove myself. Mostly its the fact to prove to myself that I can write and I can turn my hobby into something else- my dream job. Also its to prove to people who said I couldn't get into uni and pass, wrong, because there's been a lot of them in my past and now I can already feel it happening. I mean I've written another trilogy now -minus 1 book, have written a few single novels, though most I still have to finish and I've another trilogy- a fantasy one still in the making. I've also written poems and short stories now and proving that I can write not just about vampires but about other stuff too.

I guess I sort of got on to that subject because I've just learned about my second best friend failing to pass her second year. I also know that my housemate has also failed and I've heard of other people doing like wise. This lead on to me thinking about how far I'd come and how though it seemed against all the odds I'd passed my second year with a 2.1 overall. Yet there are others, who I believed were better then me or just had put in more then me, who I believed would pass, but have failed for whatever reason. So in a way I'm sorry to all those who haven't passed and hope they have better luck in the future and me well.... I stand by what my parents have always told me; you can only try your best.

So I'm going to turn to my final year at uni and keep that saying close to my heart, just because that's what I do!