September Life Update; Losing My Job

As a new season arrives and nature begins to change, I have to face the realty that my life is about to also under go a dramatic transformation. Come this time in two weeks, I will have lost my full time job on reception at the youth center. It's a blow I wasn't quite expecting, so I'm in shock and very emotional. 

I've been volunteering and working there for close to five years now as I started a few months after The Factory opened. Since then, I have worked with so many great people and good young people, I have passed on my skills and helped some children by being a friendly, trustworthy person who'd listen to them. I have learned so much, changed as a person and realised I could do so much more then I first thought. I love this place, it's become my second home and family. So, saying goodbye is going to be very hard.

I still have my other two part-time jobs, but that's only 8 hours a week and with future plans brewing, I need a full time job and a steady sum of money. I'm no longer going to find that at the youth centre. So, I'm facing a flash to the past in my re-joining of job hunting. However, unlike last time I'm in a far better position to get a new job. All my previous skills have advanced, I've gained lots of new skills and my confidence has improved. I don't quite feel hopeful about the future as my past is lingering but at least things might be different this time. 

I think what also is making it tougher is the fact they are going to replace me with volunteers which doesn't sit well with me. I don't think they've thought it through. Where are they going to find these volunteers all year round? They can't make them work long hours, so other staff will have to help out thus not getting their own jobs done. Who will train them and supervise the volunteers as only I have been doing it? Who will cover other receptionists holidays and sickness etc? Who will do all my other tasks? I can see it just falling apart so fast. However, it's not my problem! 

I love this quote below. It keeps me going when I'm feeling down and it reminds me that because it's not my problem it's not my worry. 

Sadly, my boyfriend is in the same boat. He'll be made redundant about the end of this month. So, we'll both be on the hunt for new jobs. One of my plans is for us to try and find jobs that are in the same or close by area so we can move in together. If we both get jobs close to his house, I could move in and we could see if living together really works for us. That would progress the relationship then we could look at getting a house together. But right now, just moving on and getting any kind of full time long term job is my goal, no matter where it is. Though, it's worth having a look and trying to move closer to that plan.

The hardest part of applying for jobs is all the stuff you have to physically do like writing your CV and doing cover letters. They say the best way to get an interview is to tailor them both to fit the job you are applying for and to not send out the same all the time. Which is fine, but I get tried of doing that quickly. Plus, I hate having to fill in forms! This is basically your CV that they want but they get you to expand on key parts of it and I can spend maybe 3-4 hours doing something like that. Then you have to look through all the job ads across different places and apply for ones that you know you tick all the boxes for and also some which you might not get but it's still worth applying for. 

I was told at some point that job hunting is like an actual job and it feels that way to me. I guess I should be grateful that everything is online now and it's easy to just email your CV and to type out the forms. I'd struggle if I had to hand write everything and walk around going into places to give my CV in. Though there's still no harm in that because you can get luckily. - It's not worked for me though! 

Yeah, so at the moment, I've applied for 30 jobs or there about and I've had one interview which was today. It went okay, but I'm not sure the job is suitable for me. Seemed like too much demand and pressure, which might sound odd, but I got to look after my health. I'm still waiting to hear back, so for now I'm going to look at more jobs and try and not spend any money.      

I know I'll find something eventually and I can already see how a new job would be good for me - more money, better hours, more stable. But still leaving The Factory behind is going to be tough. It made me who I am today, in a strange way and it proved that I could hold down a full time job and I'm capable of doing many different tasks. It's like there's a piece of me there now. It's just a shame they are making me move on.

At least it's going to be there still and I can go in and see everyone and maybe volunteer again if I have the time. So, that knowledge should help. I need to try harder to turn away now and think more about what I really want to do and how to get there.

I just need to stay positive.

Please check out my other blog; https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/

Images from Pixabay.  

Time To Talk About Mental Health Day

Hi readers, 

I'm doing an extra post this week because today is mental health awareness day and as someone who's suffered through a lot of mental health problems, I thought I'd take sometime to write about it. 

I've had three lots of depression; one which was undiagnosed when was I fifteen -because everyone just thought I was unhappy at school, but on reflection and knowing what I now know it was clearly depression. One for a brief time when I left uni before returning to do my masters - I was upset that I had to close the door on what had been a great three years of my life and I wasn't sure what to do next. And my finally one which was about three/four years back now, when I couldn't get a job and I just wanted to give up on everything. 

That most recent one was longer and more serious then the other two. I had to have pills and counselling. It all came about because after graduating I spent two years trying to get a job. The first year I told myself was like a gap year because I so needed the break and I did get stuff done and I was okay. 

The second year though the job center and my parents were on my back a lot. I must have applied for 200 odd jobs that year and got hardly any interviews. I didn't want to do anything, everyone was putting me down, so why not agree with them? I begin to beat myself up over how worthless and bad I must be. I told myself that there must be something wrong with me. All my friends had jobs and were moving on with their lives and I was just stuck in the gutter. What was the point?

The job center told me I was depressed and I needed to see my doctor. I did and found out I was dangerously depressed and suicidal. It came as a shock to me because I'd not realized how bad my mental health was. I think that it happens to a lot of people, but they just decided to get on with it and keep it hidden. It's a hard topic to talk about and other people who've not had mental health problems can't always understand how and why people who are affect behave the way they do. 

I've always been very talkative and I found that talking to my family and friends as well as the counselling did help. I started doing a lot more volunteering and found that I was getting into all the crafts and sewing at the youth center. I started to sew at home and discovered a liking for it. It became a hobby and it helped a lot of my depression. It give me something to focus on and do, which meant I wasn't thinking about stuff all the time and I had something of a purpose, because I'd then teach the kids how to do it. Then of course, I got a job and things have been pretty stable. 

Well, until last month when I broke up with my boyfriend. I've been boarding on being depressed again. Some of the signs have been there; lack of motivation, being stressed, ill, feeling uninspired and putting myself down that I won't fall in love again. I decided that I just couldn't go backwards and I didn't want to get so depressed again, that's why at the start of February, I picked up the list of stuff I'd wrote down I needed to do at the start of the new year and began thinking and doing some of them. I still have moments - I guess it's going to take some time to get myself right again- but for now I'm doing okay.  

    

My mum directed me to the Time To Change organisation because she thought it'd be good for me to run an activity on mental health with the 8-12 year olds I work with. I know that sounds a little young, but research is showing that a lot of young people are suffering with mental health problems. So, I thought it'd be cool to get the kids to make these folded claw things -that's what I call them! and talk about stuff with them. 

I think that depression, anxiety and stress - both which I've also had bouts of- are the top mental health issues. I think it has something to do with the societies and lifestyles we now all have. But there's also other mental health problems like phobias, grief and panic. A lot of this just goes undiagnosed because people won't go see doctors or talk to people about it because they are embarrassed. Today is the day to change that. And I know it's hard because you don't want people to be mean or misunderstand you etc, but actually the first step of admitting you might have a problem will make you feel better and of course once the ball is rolling it's a lot easier!  

Finally, I wanted to share this image below about stressing less. There's lots of things you can do when you're feeling stressed or having other mental health problems. Reaching out to people and getting the help and support you need is important and I think remembering these 10 points can also be useful. 

So, I hope that whatever you're doing to do is good and that you've found reading this inspiring enough to either make that first step or help others. Until Monday. Thanks for reading and please check out my other blog; https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/

Images from: 

http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/timetotalkday-resources

http://www.dailynewsservice.co.uk/mental-health-misconceptions/

http://historiasdeariadne.blogspot.co.uk/2015/08/os-piores-12-habitos-para-nossa-saude.html

Book Review; The Bone Season

Hi readers, 

I'm finally posting up my review of The Bone Season! I'm currently reading the second book, though I've only read like two chapters, just not had the time at the moment due to writing lots of stories and working. I also found out that this is a series of seven books and the publishing dates for the others have been released. I thought it was a trilogy and now knowing there are more books coming, I am not sure if I will read them all. I guess it depends on how the plot develops and if the characters start developing probably. As normal, I'm going to try and stay away from spoilers, but there might be some due to what I want to talk about. 

I'm not sure how I found out about this novel, but it was like around the time it came out last year, but I just couldn't fit it into my reading stack. I believed it was a dystopia novel and I did add it to my list. Then I found it in a very cheap bookshop around March/April and brought it, thus breaking my vow not to buy any books this year! However, it's only now that I've read it. For me it's more a book that boarders a lot of genres; science fiction, supernatural and alternate history, but I wouldn't say it was dystopia because it doesn't feel in the same vein as says 1984 or Wool or The Hungry Games.  

The plot of The Bone Season is that nineteen year old Paige Mahoney is a rare type of clairvoyant, a dreamwalker which allows her to get into peoples' minds and effect them. She lives in London 2059, where clairvoyants are banned and have to live in secret. Paige works with a group of others in order to survive, but she captured after visiting her father and wakes up at Sheol I. There she learns that the government has been sending clairvoyants to an alien race which are training the clairvoyants to defend them and the plant from another alien race. Paige, of course, sets about trying to escape.       

The novel opens with a huge exposition about the world and clairvoyants and what's happened in the past. That alone would put most people off and unfortunately, there are other 'exposition dumps' and repeated facts throughout the novel. I get why Shannon has done this though and that's because it's the easiest and fastest way to give the reader information that they need to understand the plot. However, for me its a sign of lazy writing and a weak point in the novel. I understand that this is her first novel, she is under the age of thirty and the audience is teenagers, which might be the clues to the way this book is written. 

The other downsides to this book are that it feels a lot longer then it needs to be, it's over 400 pages long. I spotted parts that could have have been shortened or cut out and if there was less exposition that might have helped too. Paige seemed a bit static and I didn't connect with her like I would have liked too. The background characters and there seems to be too many of them, didn't develop well enough for me. Also, I read somewhere that there was meant to be a starting romance between Paige and her capture Warden, but this didn't come across for me, if it was intended, but it was probably more like Stockholm Syndrome and also the fact that Paige sees she can't escape without his help. Lastly, the aliens can drink blood and auras which they use to strength themselves and to me that just reminds me of vampires. I know there are other blood drinking creatures out there, but I didn't feel this was needed, just having them drink auras would have been fine. 

With all that said, I did enjoy the world building and the plot overall. I found it different to other things I had read. Though other reviewers say it's not different from books they've read, so I guess that depends on you. There is enough character development from the main characters, but for me it feels very plot led. I was fine with all the supernatural stuff to and I didn't mind the science fiction parts either. I can also understand with this being the first book in the series why it's been written the way it has and I just hope the next book is a bit different and more focused on the characters. It does seem like this book is dividing reviewers, so I'm going to leave it up to you to decided for yourselves, but I would recommend giving it a try.   

That's all for now and next week I'll be back with another December/Christmas Update. 

November Update part 2 : Why I give up on NaNoWriMo

Hi readers,

I failed National Novel Writing Month. 

There wasn't an easy way to say that, but I failed to reach the 50,000 word count target in the 30 days of November. I only got to just under 15,000 words, though Trust is now at 44, 383. Which is still under! I do feel a little bit annoyed that I couldn't do it, but I was very ill two weeks ago with a bad cold. That put a stop to everything for a whole week - even going to work and playing dungeons and dragons! I somehow manged to post my daily short story though, (Thinking about it, it was all the Trust parts I'd already written!) but writing Trust went on hold. Unfortunately, I never picked it up again.

I did have thoughts about writing it and I do have an idea about where to take it next. I think the brick wall appeared when I suddenly realized that I didn't have a real enemy for my main characters. The vampire who was suppose to be decided he wanted to be good and that kinda meant there was only so much I could do with him. Now though, I've an idea to introduce some more characters and create some more tension. 

So, what did I learn from NaNoWriMo? 

Firstly, that I could write more a day then I was doing and thought I could do. I was able to write one or two short stories and between 500-1,000 words of Trust. 

Secondly, I'm not so great at talking to people online! Remember my thinking about trying harder to connect with people in my last post? Yeah, I didn't do much about it. I don't know, if I still feel over-protected of my stories or I'm just not balancing my time well enough. 

Thirdly, Changing the stats on the NaNoWriMo doesn't make me feel better. In fact, I feel guilty for not writing! 

Fourthly, I did try my best but being ill and life etc, didn't help, still though it doesn't mean I should give up. 

I think one of the others reasons I give up was because for me writing is a thing I do everyday anyway. I don't need to find time or space to write because I've a lot of that. And on the days I don't, I'm taking a break and thinking about things. I look for inspiration all the time - on the internet and around me which I then use in my stories. I've a Pinterest board/s where all my ideas go and which I refer to everyday. 

Anyway, here's my stats page for NaNoWriMo and yeah, I decided to add the total I had actually written, so the last day is kinda wrong, but I wanted to add it in.      

Well done to all those who did make it and to those who didn't! At least you've start writing now.

I did have a few other things to add, but I want to get this post up before midnight, so I'm going to leave it. I'm thinking of doing a post tomorrow about the start of Christmas, though it'll depend on timing as I'm at work and I do have a gift to make for my best friend.

How did your NaNoWriMo go? leave me a comment below and please check out my other blog; https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/

August Update : What is going on with this blog and me?

     

Yeah, so it's been another while, though only like one book later, since I wrote this. I've been debating if to do a review on 'Salem's Lot or not. I think though, as I found out on Goodreads that writing book reviews feels pretty pointless for bloggers. I mean if you've got a lot of followers who like you writing about books and everything, then that's okay. But for smaller, not well known bloggers, posting books reviews is like sticking up the same colored flag in a field of other flags. It doesn't really get you anywhere and it's not got me anywhere recently. 

I think what brought readers to this blog in the first place was my uni stuff and interesting things that I been doing. Then I decided to write about books and writing in an already over saturated internet world. Then of course I went off and set up another blog for my actual stories and that seemed to be doing a hell of a lot better then this blog ever did. The idea of packing this blog in though doesn't appeal to me and I do like my little corner of the internet even if anyone hardly comes to visit. So, long talk short - I'm not really going to write book reviews on here any more. Of course, there might be the odd one depending on it's level of goodness or badness. But I'll deal with that when I'm in the mood. 

So, what else is going to be on this blog now? Well, I thought about writing more about my life. That does seem to work for other bloggers and I do have a lot to talk about in certain areas - like long term health conditions, learning disabilities, mental illness and life event things. I don't know how interested readers will be in any of that and I know it's nothing new because their are whole blogs dedicated to such things. Still though, blogs to me have always been like personal diaries which are open to the public instead of being private. There's nothing wrong with that if you're okay with it. 

Anyway, so that's the news about this blog and I bet it's another good few months before I come back here to write! But my other blog takes up so much time! I keep trying not to spend the day writing a short story to put up and some days I write up to five different stories, which is actually pretty good. I've not had much time to sort out my novel nor write my new one, or sort out my new book for Amazon Kindle- though in the light of payment changes, I'm still deciding if I do want to self-publish on there anymore. 

Coming into this is my current health problems. I've two long term conditions which I take pills for everyday and go into hospital every eight weeks for IV treatment. My days and nights can be heavily effect by either one or both my conditions on a varied scale. Sometimes, I'm pretty good and other days I can't leave the house and feel so ill that I can't do nothing but stay on the sofa or in bed or in the bathroom. I bring this up because I've been bad for the last three days and not able to do much. I'm feeling better now, but it'll come back soon enough. On top of this my iron level is half what it should be. Being anemic comes along with both conditions and I've to have tablets and lots of high in iron food stuffs. But when it gets as low as it has been, I'm mega tried and have cold/flu like symptoms, thus I don't want to do much and I sleep for like 12-14 hours without really realising because waking up is just too hard for me to do. Still I battle on though, what else are you suppose to do? 

Hopefully, I'll get under control soon. I'll be able to do more writing and stuff too, really it's the only thing holding me back right now, though I keep trying not to let it! Anyway, tomorrow, I'm going to take my driving exam for the second time. I'm nervous because my instructor got a new car and this will be only the second time I've driven it and it feels a lot different to his last one! So, if anything does happen it'll be my lack of confidence in the car then me! I'll get through it at some point and then maybe I'll get a car of my own. 

I'm also doing two extra days at work this week - Wednesday and Thursday because an event is on for young people with additional needs and they need support staff. It'll be a great experience for me, especially as my review of my trail period didn't go so well. I don't want to get into all of that but let's say I've got a lot to improve on and I'm worried I'm not going to be able to do it. I guess everyone gets like that at some point though.

Anyway, that's all for now. Hopefully it won't be long till I'm back!