April Life Update; That Drowning Feeling.

Hi readers,

I'm struggling today. I'm still not well and had to take some more time of work but I now have to look at claiming benefits again as I've used up all my sick pay. It's a bit of a catch 22 situation because I don't want to but I don't have a choice. So, I have to go through trying to put a claim in and hoping I can get some finical support.

I also have to go back to work next Saturday, even if I don't feel well enough because not going will just make this situation worse. I want to go back. I enjoy my job and working, so I will try hard to self manage my colitis. 

That isn't an easy task, it's okay to avoid the food, drink and pain relief tablets that trigger me but what my battle really is about is my anxiety and stress. Trying to keep both of them down, is currently hard for me to do as I have so many worries and now I have the money and work ones back! 

I know deep down I will get through all of this. I've done so before and it's just a rough time for me again. I have the support of a lot of people around me, though I know today doesn't feel like that's the case but it's very much true. 

I'm also real lucky that I still live with my parents and don't have all the responsibilities of paying bills etc. I have some emergency money savings which can see me through till this month's payday, so as long as I don't actually buy anything for the next few weeks I'll be fine. So, I'm going to try and not worry about that all too much.

I've used some of those savings today to pay for my car tax and MOT. As my car was due both and the last thing I need is to be worrying about losing my car. My dad will make sure my car passes the MOT test, so I don't need to worry about that, just got to let him do some work on things this weekend to make that a positive pass as much as possible. 

So, now I just have to try and sent all this side and focus on other things. I know that's easily said then done! But I know that spending time over worrying, being upset, depressed and anxious won't get me anywhere or make anything better. Acting and trying to solve my issues with a calm mind and heart is the best way to go. 

Trying to stay positive has always been a hard thing for me to do. I like to think I'm a positive, happy person but that's not actually the case. I make myself like that because that's how I think I should be. I'm sure some of you also do that. Being negative and unhappy is a lot easier to do and people noticed that a lot more too. 

I do feel a bit like I'm drowning at the moment. It's like being on a boat in a storm and being thrown overboard. I'm struggling to save myself from the crushing waves and I know only I can really do that. Other people might be throwing the life ring out for me but it's up to me to grab it and hang on. 

So, what I do I do when I'm in this situation? Normally, I do have a break down. I cry lot and wonder over so much. I talk to people - my parents, boyfriend, some friends and just let everything out to them and try to listen to whatever advice they give me. Which can be hard as sometimes I don't want that but afterwards, it kinda useful to think about their suggestions and maybe act on them. 

I do lots of writing - in my diary, reflectively and though it can be hard, short stories. I can let everything out and I don't have to show my writing to anyone and I can just release all my thoughts and feelings on to paper and then it doesn't go around in my head. Actually, I do have a big focus this month as it's the A-Z Blogging Challenge! I'm wring a short story everyday prompted by words that are new to me. You can check it out on my other blog here; https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/

One of the other things I do is blast some heavy metal music and sing along. It's really get way to de-stress and just release all my emotions. Sometimes I'm too ill or not in the mood for this, so finding the right moment sometimes has to wait. But by taking the hours to do this, it's worth it as I often feel so much better afterwards and like I'm rising above everything that's getting me down. 

I have lots of bands and songs, I cycle through but I always return to these favourite bands; Disciple, Five Finger Death Punch, Disturbed, Iron Maiden, Drowning Pool, Bullet For My Valentine, Bring Me The Horizon and Soil. All their songs speak to my soul and find a peace in the lyrics that I don't get anywhere else. 

The other thing I do to feel more positive and really I need to do more of this as I've found it can help lot and also change my mind set, is to get my Happy Books out. I think I've wrote about this before but briefly, a friend got me a notebook that had Happy Book on it and I decided to collect quotes and memes and imagines that made me happy inside the book. When I filled it, I went and brought this artist's A4 book to continue doing this. 

The front cover is a temporary thing until I get around to making one.      

I used Pinterest to help find things that make me happy and this can just be anything. I put this into a document, print them, cut them and stick them in the book. This helps focus my mind and also soak up some positive thinking. Here's an example of this; 

Recently, I have also turned to knitting and that helps me get through too. I was going to add to the end of this post about my recently finished knitting and my current projects but this post is all ready too long as I'll leave it like this now. 

I hope that things do get sorted for me soon and that things can change. Keep your fingers crossed for me. 

Thanks for reading and don't forget to check out my other blog. 

(Photos my own).

September Life Update; An Emotional Breakdown and Depression

Hi readers,

Things have been real tough for me these last few weeks. I agreed to cover the senior receptionist's three shifts a week at work for 2 weeks as he went on holiday and my manager was sort of struggling to find someone to cover. I normal just cover the Mondays and Fridays leaving the Wednesday to go to Dungeons and Dragons but I'm saving up for a new bed and D&D wasn't on the second week.

The first week was okay, I had an issue with missing some young people off the register and the takings being down, but those are things I continually struggle with. I blame my moderate learning difficulties and the unreliability of honest teenagers.

Then I had the first return to Saturday evenings shift to do. Over the spring and summer, I've worked in the afternoons on a girl's only session offer but it's been decided that we are going back to the evening shifts for the autumn/winter. That went fine - it was a free session so no money handling for me and we had a low number of teens in.

The second Monday came and I realised how tried and unwell I was feeling. My insomnia and sleep pattern - which I really don't have anyway- was bad. When I was sleeping, I wasn't getting enough and I was starting to realise that covering for two weeks might have been a bad idea. Still though, I was going to get a new bed with my extra wages and that was something to keep going for.

Another issue happened; my IBS flared up. (Slight side story here, but my mum makes a nice Sunday dinner every Sunday and I love chicken and gravy but I've know for some years now that gravy mix triggers me. Mum and I have been through lots of different brands and made our own etc, but I've yet to find a gravy I can safely eat). So, I had a pre-made chicken with herbs in a bag and gravy which seems to have been the cause of my flare up.

I have another condition called Ulcerative Colitis which is similar to IBS but can make me so ill when it flares up that I can't do anything and sometimes I have to go to hospital with it as the pain is super bad. I've had both of this conditions for 13 years now and maybe two or three years before it was diagnosed. Managing them both can be hard but I've learnt the signs and symptoms to tell them a part enough.

When I try to explain them to people, I say think of a time when you had a bad stomach bug and you had to go to bathroom all the time. Now, imagine if you had that everyday! Sometimes it's fine enough that you can go out for a day trip somewhere like the zoo or the beach. Other days, it's so bad you have to stay in between you bed and the bathroom, not able to do much else.

What I rarely go into with people is all the other side effects of the conditions and all the treatments I've been on that have left their own side effects on my mind. One day, I plan to write a post on here about that but for now I'll get back to the subject of this post.

So yeah, I had a flare up of my IBS and it wasn't good. I could barely do my job that Monday evening but I stuck it out, though I made mistakes and I should have gone home sick. But I don't like letting my IBS and colitis rule my life, I have always said if I allow that I'd never leave my house again. Anyway, when I got home afterwards, I was exhausted but couldn't really sleep and I felt more unwell. I told myself it would be okay though.

However, the next day, Tuesday, instead of my normal juniors arts and crafts shift, I got asked to cover reception and of course I agreed. Now, the young age group is manic and it's super easy to not stay on top of things and get stressed out. That's what happened with me and of course one of my other IBS triggers is stress! So, my flare up only got worse and I made a few bad mistakes and got in trouble. Once again, I should have gone home sick but with less then two hours to go, I didn't.

On Wednesday, I got called into a meeting and had to explain all the mistakes I had made over the past few shifts. I felt like everything was crashing down over me. I was exhausted, stressed, feeling ill and still having to deal with my flare up plus the side effects of that! So, I had an emotional break down in that meeting. I got a few things off my chest and cried a lot. I didn't feel that much better though and once again, I should have gone home but I stayed and did a 7 hour shift.

When I got home that night, even more exhausted and ill, I felt depressed and suicidal. I didn't feel like normal me anymore, it was like this other person who was having all these drowning thoughts, feelings and emotions had taken over. I couldn't stop crying and though I needed to sleep, I couldn't. I was worried about losing my job, my flare up getting worse and about all the stress working over the last 3 days had caused.

Even though, my parents had gone to bed, I awoke them and had a long conversation about things. Though, I don't remember much of that now. My mum told me I should phone in sick for Friday and Saturday and see a doctor in the morning. Which I did end up doing. When I phoned in sick, I felt like a weight had been lift. I didn't have to worry about going into work and making more mistakes or trying to deal with my flare up whilst there. I could stay at home, de-stress and sleep, like I needed.

The doctor give me anti-depressants and a phone number for counselling. I have known for about a month and bit now that I've been balancing on the edge of falling into depression again. I know the trigger has been to do with not being able to find a new job and therefore not being able to move on with my life how I want to. It seems all this stress at work has really pushed me off the edge now.

After a night of better sleep and the worry of work gone, I was feeling better. I was still emotional, anxious and stressed though. I realised for the last 24 to 48 hours I hadn't really been myself. My mind was clear from all the overwhelming emotions and thoughts, I felt more like myself again. I got to wondering who that person had been those last few hours, because that had been far from my own personality. My mum nicknamed her the crazy cat lady and I kind of agreed!

I reflected on what had happened, give it the name of an emotional break down and I've been trying to move on every since. The doctor give me two weeks off work and I've been taking it easy. Doing things I enjoy, thinking about how I feel and sleeping!

Depression wise, I only took one anti-depressant tablet out of the 14 I got given so far. I don't believe that they really work for me. They take a course or two to actually get into your system and start the chemical reactions to balance emotional levels. When you come off then, the side effects including making you depressed again!

I have been able to control my mild bouts of depression for years now as I have had mental health problems for most of my life. I know the signs and what I need to do to help. Often this includes, talking to people about all my issues, doing things I enjoy more like reading and crafting and writing non-fiction reflection and record pieces. For some reason though, I struggle with writing fiction, so my short stories on my other blog of late have not been so good. I've been able to keep the habit of writing them and to me that counts for a lot more at the minute! So, hopefully, I'll be able to keep self-managing now.

Lastly and yes I know how long this post is now! I wrote in my diary on Thursday night about how depression feels like Alice In Wonderland. At the time, I had forgot that the theory behind the story and Alice Through the Looking Glass is to do with mental health. When I told my mum the next day she reminded me and I decided it did make a lot of sense. I also wrote a blog post here way back in November 2016 (http://hailscrazyblog.blogspot.com/2016/11/november-life-update-were-all-mad-here.html) which was about my then mental health problems due to meds I was on and how it did seem like I was Wonderland.  

So, yeah, for now I'm Alice, dealing with the Mad Hatter, Cheshire Cat and the Queen of Hearts. I hope in the next few weeks I am able to find the White Rabbit and leave Wonderland behind me!

Thanks for reading this super long post!    

Stock photos from;

https://www.pexels.com and https://pixabay.com/

         

January 2018 Life Update; Job Hunting Fail.

Dear readers,

Today's post is going to be brief because I'm not in a writing mood and I'm putting off switching out PCs. - My boyfriend give me his old computer and now the hard drive is full on mine, I've decided the time has come to say goodbye my computer and hello his. Hopefully, it'll all go fine!

On Friday, I had an interview of a job I really wanted - lead receptionist at a soon to be opening youth center. It's 40 minutes drive away and it was 30 hours a week. But the hours were going to be mostly evening and weekend which wasn't what I wanted but still it would have been good for me.

I thought the interview went well and my experience coming from another youth center and being able to train others to do the reception job was a bonus. There was room for improvement of course - firstly, I left my jacket at home and admitted that, when I shouldn't have done and I should've double checked I'd picked up everything before I left home! Secondly, there were some questions I should have answered in more detail and clearer, but sometimes it's hard when you feel on the spot to answer correctly and your brain goes and hides in a corner! Thirdly and this is always hard, I should have created a better impression at the beginning and end of the interview.

I know everyone judges each other all the time and first impressions account for everything but with me, I'm not good at first meetings. I've never been great socially. I love being alone and not having many friends, I guess because I've just had so many problems with friends in the past that for me I'm happy with my own company and realise that I'm better off that way. Saying all that though, I do have a habit of talking to strangers to make comments or suggestions. I think that comes from my mum though. I'm chatty to those I know and even more talkative to those I like. That's why I can pull off being a receptionist.

Appearance is also important and I know for a fact that people always get the wrong idea about me when they see me and mostly acted in a negative way. Only after you've gotten to know me do things get clearer here. And that's something you can't get across in an hour or two of meeting someone / being interviewed. I tried hard to always look good at interview - I never were jeans or trainers, low cut clothes. I wear black or red or blue skirts, with matching jackets, white or cream or blue blouses with black or blue boots. I hear some people just turn up in whatever and don't try to wear a suit! 

Anyway, I got a phone call two hours later and the overall result from my interview was that I didn't have enough experience and they'd had a few people who had more experience and did better at the interview then I did. It was a total blow to hear that because I was a few months back and partly still now, doing the job! So how come there were more experienced people? I get they were better in interview, but I just find it hard to believe that they weren't even going to reflect on things longer. Did I do that badly? They wouldn't tell me - too busy.

This is now the third job interview where I've been told someone with more experience then me has gotten the job. I'm struggling to determine how to change that. Having YEARS of experience will always win over someone who's had months or only a year, that's a fact but how can I get years if no one will give me a chance? The other issue I've got is that my high level of education, so when I apply for level 1 jobs I'm over looked because of that. Which sucks because I still need to start off some place!

I try not to be too picky about applying for jobs but due to a number of things - disabilities, health issues, my pride, I won't apply for just any old job. There's no way I can work in a call center or sales. I tried being a charity street worker and that wasn't me, I've ruled out teaching and not just because I'll have to get the right qualifications, it's not for me. I can do retail but I'd have to find a place that understands my issues and is like a quiet shop to work in. I don't want to do a lot of traveling and I'd like to stay in one place. So, admin, receptionist, office jobs etc, have been my main go to. there's lost of jobs out there like this and lots of people applying, so it's harder. But I don't know what else to do.

If I could go back to college or uni to take a course which would then get me a job, I would do. But I can't offered that. So I'm trapped in a limbo and not sure how to get out. Everyone says to keep on going, you'll find something soon or realise what you could do instead. I guess that's what I have to do but it seems pointless to be chasing around a stick with no carrot on it.

Today is one of those days where I wish things were totally different. I hope that I find something soon.     

September Life Update; Losing My Job

As a new season arrives and nature begins to change, I have to face the realty that my life is about to also under go a dramatic transformation. Come this time in two weeks, I will have lost my full time job on reception at the youth center. It's a blow I wasn't quite expecting, so I'm in shock and very emotional. 

I've been volunteering and working there for close to five years now as I started a few months after The Factory opened. Since then, I have worked with so many great people and good young people, I have passed on my skills and helped some children by being a friendly, trustworthy person who'd listen to them. I have learned so much, changed as a person and realised I could do so much more then I first thought. I love this place, it's become my second home and family. So, saying goodbye is going to be very hard.

I still have my other two part-time jobs, but that's only 8 hours a week and with future plans brewing, I need a full time job and a steady sum of money. I'm no longer going to find that at the youth centre. So, I'm facing a flash to the past in my re-joining of job hunting. However, unlike last time I'm in a far better position to get a new job. All my previous skills have advanced, I've gained lots of new skills and my confidence has improved. I don't quite feel hopeful about the future as my past is lingering but at least things might be different this time. 

I think what also is making it tougher is the fact they are going to replace me with volunteers which doesn't sit well with me. I don't think they've thought it through. Where are they going to find these volunteers all year round? They can't make them work long hours, so other staff will have to help out thus not getting their own jobs done. Who will train them and supervise the volunteers as only I have been doing it? Who will cover other receptionists holidays and sickness etc? Who will do all my other tasks? I can see it just falling apart so fast. However, it's not my problem! 

I love this quote below. It keeps me going when I'm feeling down and it reminds me that because it's not my problem it's not my worry. 

Sadly, my boyfriend is in the same boat. He'll be made redundant about the end of this month. So, we'll both be on the hunt for new jobs. One of my plans is for us to try and find jobs that are in the same or close by area so we can move in together. If we both get jobs close to his house, I could move in and we could see if living together really works for us. That would progress the relationship then we could look at getting a house together. But right now, just moving on and getting any kind of full time long term job is my goal, no matter where it is. Though, it's worth having a look and trying to move closer to that plan.

The hardest part of applying for jobs is all the stuff you have to physically do like writing your CV and doing cover letters. They say the best way to get an interview is to tailor them both to fit the job you are applying for and to not send out the same all the time. Which is fine, but I get tried of doing that quickly. Plus, I hate having to fill in forms! This is basically your CV that they want but they get you to expand on key parts of it and I can spend maybe 3-4 hours doing something like that. Then you have to look through all the job ads across different places and apply for ones that you know you tick all the boxes for and also some which you might not get but it's still worth applying for. 

I was told at some point that job hunting is like an actual job and it feels that way to me. I guess I should be grateful that everything is online now and it's easy to just email your CV and to type out the forms. I'd struggle if I had to hand write everything and walk around going into places to give my CV in. Though there's still no harm in that because you can get luckily. - It's not worked for me though! 

Yeah, so at the moment, I've applied for 30 jobs or there about and I've had one interview which was today. It went okay, but I'm not sure the job is suitable for me. Seemed like too much demand and pressure, which might sound odd, but I got to look after my health. I'm still waiting to hear back, so for now I'm going to look at more jobs and try and not spend any money.      

I know I'll find something eventually and I can already see how a new job would be good for me - more money, better hours, more stable. But still leaving The Factory behind is going to be tough. It made me who I am today, in a strange way and it proved that I could hold down a full time job and I'm capable of doing many different tasks. It's like there's a piece of me there now. It's just a shame they are making me move on.

At least it's going to be there still and I can go in and see everyone and maybe volunteer again if I have the time. So, that knowledge should help. I need to try harder to turn away now and think more about what I really want to do and how to get there.

I just need to stay positive.

Please check out my other blog; https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/

Images from Pixabay.  

May Update Part 2 : Why are people so mean to each other?

Hi readers,

I'm slotting in another update post this month as something has been on my mind and I wanted to share it with you all.

Last week, I was walking quickly down the street to work and as I passed a queue of cars waiting at the traffic lights, a male passenger in one of the cars lend out of a window and shouted at me 'how you doing, Fatty?'

My feet slowed, I stared at him, my expression become a mixture of shock, upset and anger. I ran through everything I could respond to that in my head. I was on the edge of telling him to 'F off,' but then I walked past. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him laughing with his mates then the car drove off.

What he said stayed with me but I had to put it out of my mind to concentrate on working. Reception was tough that night as I'd had to switch my day shift to a night shift as the other receptionist had phoned in sick. It was a junior session too and they are always so much hard work! I got through it but those words still stuck with me.

I keep thinking of all the things I should have said and how I could've turned that conversion around. I could have shocked him by answering calmly back, by making a joke of it, laughing at him. You know? All those things you think about afterwards. Of course, if I'd gone the other way and turned aggressive towards him, he might have said more hurtful things. Maybe, even taking it further. So, maybe it was a good job I walked away.

There's no way I'm letting that get to me. I've been called worse things. Strangers judge you in a few seconds and act upon what they see. So, there's no way that man could've know that for the last 10 years I've been battling a long term health condition that some days affects me so badly that I can't leave my house. It's the main reason why I struggle to control my weight. Luckily, my new drug is controlling things enough that I've now started losing weight again and I do want to keep trying.

In contrasted to this, at work I don't let anyone disrespect me. If a young person is rude to me or says something I don't like, I address it fast. I follow the guide I got in my training and stick by the rules. The youth centre is like school in that respect, we don't take any misbehaving from anyone and we try to teach the young people why it's wrong and they can become more respectful.

I have a new motto; like water of a duck's back. To try help shrug it off. But it seems to have lingered still and it got me thinking, why is it easier to be bad then to being good?

I thought I'd look into it. I remember at some point hearing it was easier to be bad because it takes up less energy and thinking time whilst if you are good then it uses up more energy and more thinking. It's the same with smiling and frowning; you use more face muscles to smile and a lot less for frowning. 

In religion, it comes across as being easy to sin. Think of Eve eating the forbidden fruit, tempting Adam to try it too and God banishing them both out of Eden. It's harder to stay good and follow the book and church even though religious people know that's what they should be doing. However, getting rid of sins/badness comes across as being simple; pray for forgiveness. 

Having a negative mind goes along aside this. It's easy to be unmotivated and lazy. It takes a lot to do activities, even if they are hobbies we like. Staying positive can be really hard to do - I for one know that really well! Remember the last life update post? There are much more benefits to staying positive though, like achieving in life, love and career. 

There's so many scientific and religious theories/information out there too. So, far I've not found truth to my first thought; energy usage. I've concluded it would take too much time for this post if I did try to find it! What I can say though is that it is easier to be bad then good for many different reasons. Some people say it's because it feels better emotionally and mentally to be bad then it does to be good, even though it seems we get the same 'high' when we are nice and helpful to people. 

Getting back to what I opened this post with, to round things off and make it a positive ending, on a total opposite spin to being insulted, later that night my wonderful boyfriend texted me and told me I was beautiful. He really likes my body and understands all my issues which helps a lot. He often calls me beautiful, sexy and hot with a lot of meaning. It's a total boost to my confidence and reminds me that there are people out there who do find me attractive.   

So, in conclusion for this post just remember that no matter what 

Thanks for reading!


Research links:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beyond-good-and-evil/201405/why-is-it-easier-organize-evil-good

http://thoughtfulreading.com/psychology/good-people-vs-bad-people/

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/four-ways-topple-negativity-bias-0114137/

Book Review: Sorted! The Good Psychopath's Guide to Bossing Your Life.

Hi readers, 

I was actually going to write another life up date but I decided that this book was far more interesting and also on the topic I was going to write about. 

This is a non-fiction book, which is a rare thing in my bookcase. Not because I don't like reading no-fiction but because finding subject matters that interested me and make me want to finish the book is hard. I saw this guide by chance whilst buying a Christmas present for my mum. I thought it seemed like I good idea. 

It's a follow on book from the first book they did and though there are some references to that, you can easily read this by itself. It's aimed mostly at men, I would say 21-40 odd, which is why it has what I call 'lad dialogue.' It's causal and funny, like men talking in a pub. However, it does stick in your head because you aren't being bombarded with lots of facts and instructions.

So this guide, it's not like a 'how to live your life', it's more like how to improve your habits and behavior at work and social events. It's divided into 3 chapters which are then sub-divided into different sections making it easier and faster to read. There's also images; graphs, timetables and quizzes which allows you to visualize the information.

I've found it very useful because last week I had a bad week at work. A lot of things went wrong and I was really stressed out. Then when I thought I'd done the main task- sorting out a rota, it turned out I'd made two mistakes! This wasn't technically my fault as no one had told me that a certain person couldn't actually do daytime shifts but I took the blame for it and that made me feel more stressed. So, yeah I wanted to write a blog post about that; when your job stops being your best friend and becomes your worse enemy. Which sounds like a good title for a book anyway!

In turning to Sorted! I found a lot of answers and advice that I needed to hear. There is one part about emails and how we are constantly sending and answering emails which has a great effect on the brain and causes lots of tension. The suggestion of checking your emails less, maybe only three times a day, is something I've now started doing. I check in the morning, lunch time and an two hours before I leave. This means that I've stopped clicking on an email every time I hear a ping and it's just made things easier and I feel less demanded.

I also found the part about listening well interesting and I'm now determined to listen to people better and to give them more time to talk. There are other tips; learning how to say no, leaving work at work, mixing actives up at work to keep things fresh, learning to communicate better with people and persuade people correctly into doing things.

Overall, this is a good book for those needing advice about work and social events. I enjoyed reading it and I feel more prepared to change my behavior towards people and work tasks. Hopefully, that'll help improve my work output, social skills, listening skills and general attitude to work.

Thanks for reading and please check out the links below.  Next week is going to be a manga review.

https://www.goodreads.com/user_challenges/7287580

https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/

May Life Update: My First Car

Hi readers!

Well, Saturday marked a big life achievement for me as I brought my first car! I'm still a mix of feelings and thoughts right now, so much so that sometimes I'll just go to the front door and look out at my car. I still can't believe it belongs to me now. It's the most expensive thing I've ever owned but it's going to become one of the best!

I'm currently learning to drive all over again. It's been about a year and a half since I last drove. I got very ill and the medication I was on meant I couldn't drive. Now, though I'm much better and with more money in the bank, I thought it was time to plunged through all my fears and go ahead.

I saw this car online and it ticked all the boxes, so I thought why not go to see it? When I got there a weekend ago now and saw it for the first time I really liked it but I wasn't sure it was for me. Then the second car I want to see, made up my mind and I decided to just go with it! This fact as totally not sank in yet and it's going to take a few months I think.

Its an automatic which is far easier for me to drive. I learnt in a manual but struggled with the gears and clutch. That is the other reason I'm having to re-learn because it's a different feel and actions to do things. I'm really struggling with reversing right now because it's all done on the brake but sometimes that can actually stop the car if you move your foot too much off. Parking forward I can do but reverse parking is a total no. So, I need the practise real bad.

My parents and boyfriend have been super supportive and have come out with me a few times now. I need to go by myself, but I just don't feel ready yet. Driving to work is so easy though because it's 15 minutes up the road with only a few traffic lights and then a left and right turn into a supermarket car park. (Work doesn't have a car park!) I shall get there at my own pace and I'll do what's right for me.

I also need more motorway practise. I did have some after passing my test, but more is needed now. I'm only going to do that when I'm happy with my driving though. My mum thinks I'm doing great and I need to give myself ore credit then I have been doing. I've been telling myself off for small mistakes, like not indicating early enough, not slowing down gently enough, not looking in my mirrors enough and not being aware of coming cars on roundabouts. I know though, after more practise that these things will go.

So for now I've just got to keep going!

Also, I finally finished making my bear cushion! It's taken what feels like an age but it's been about 2-3 months to knit him. He's turned out great! My next knitting project is another bear cushion! It's going to be bigger and softer and meant to go with a blanket my mum made, but I don't think that's going to happened!

Thanks for reading and next week hopefully, it'll be a book review!

April Life Update: Where have I been?

Hi readers,

So I didn't stick to my plan of blog posts. This is for a few reasons. I've been really busy with my other blog and work. I've three jobs now, just in case you didn't know! So, I'm working 6 days a week then juggling my family, friends, boyfriend and writing. Which means that things have been slipping.

I also have a back log of books to review, so I need get writing that up too! When I find the time.... Some of the books I'm going to group together though because it'll be easier. So, in the next two months I plan to have reviews about: JoJo's Bizarre Adventures, Vampire + Rosario, Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children, The Sookie Stackhouse/ True Blood series and Trigger Warning by Neil Gaiman. Then I'l have caught up on book reviews!

I really wanted to get this post up this week, despite all my business because I wanted to share the good news that I've brought a car! My first car and it's so cool. I'm picking up in a few days time and then I want to do some posts about driving.

There's also a few other things I wanted to share, but they'll have to wait for next week now, because I didn't take any photos. I so need to do that soon.

Hopefully, I can now start finding the time to write more of this blog. I think my other blog has taken over with the A-Z Challenge! That's worth checking out, here's the link: https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/

That's it for now. Time to work on some reviews. Thanks for reading! 

March Life Update: The Many Faces Of a Receptionist

Hi readers,

Today I'm celebrating a month into my new full job. This means I now have four jobs! Luckily, they are all with the same company at the same place, but it's been keeping me very busy. So, briefly, last year, I started volunteering on reception at the youth centre. I just wanted to do more and gain some experience in the hope I could then get a second part-time just somewhere else. 

Then though, there was an opening for a zero-hours casual receptionist, just to cover the holidays and sickness of the four full and part-time receptionists. I totally aced the interview and started a few days later. The extra money was useful and I enjoyed actually getting paid for work I'd been doing for free before. 

In late December of last year, one of the part-time receptionists left. Her hours were Saturday evening; 6pm-10pm and I was asked to pick up her shifts, but now I'm contracted to work that shift permanently.  I felt a lot about this because it was steady money! And I didn't mind giving up my Saturdays because I don't do much anyway at the weekends now. 

Then a month ago, my new manager phoned me to say that the daytime receptionist had left and could I come in to do 9-3pm Monday to Friday? I agreed, but I only have a temp contract which finished at the end of this month. I'm hoping that this will turn permanent but nothing has been decided it.

Most people think that working on reception is like a 'cushy' job. All receptionists seem to do is sit behind a desk and answer phone calls, greet people, give directions, information and sit there looking pretty. Well, being a reception at a youth centre is different. I have what is the normal tasks of a receptionist and front of house, like the above, but I also do many admin tasks; signing in/out sheets, time sheet checking, register for visiting young people groups, date input, filing, money handling and the supplying of door key cards which we use throughout the building. 

To be honest, I don't mind taking on admin tasks because sometimes there are time periods were there's not much going on- mostly from 9-12. Plus, these are great skills and experience to have! I have a more to learn and add to my list though, but I enjoy learning new things, so it's fine. 

The other difference being front of house at the youth centre is that you have to deal with children, teenagers, disabled people and parents. Most receptionists just deal with adults and adult problems, but me I also have to deal with issues young people and parents might have which means my communication skills have to be top notch. I have to be able to handle anything; from an angry or upset parent making a compliant, to a child refusing to leave the building, or a teenager who has a disability and needs simple wordings. 

At this moment in time, I'm also training four volunteers to be receptionists! Even though it's hard to juggle that and my other tasks, I'm finding it fun. I love teaching and passing on my skills and knowledge. That's part of the reason I started volunteering at the youth centre in the first place. I'm training them how to deal with phone calls, greet visitors and use our database. 

Two of the volunteers are hair and beauty college students, who want some experience of reception as part of their course in case they need it. The third person is in uni and doing a health and social course, she has no real interested in reception or admin but is just here to get more hours for the completion of her uni placement. The fourth girl, reminds me of myself as she is claiming job seekers and looking for work. She wants a simple job to fit in around her daughter. She's taken to being a receptionist really well too.   

Being a receptionist isn't just all that though as I'm learning. You've also got to the flag of the ship. You are the first person people see and hear, you have to be professional and polite then friendly and chatty too - though not too chatty, no one wants to hear your personal issues or problems! Sticking with the normal topics helps; weather, traffic, lunch etc. I'm also a big representative of the youth centre, even though most people don't think about it when they are phoning to ask for information or coming in for a meeting, but I have to create the first impression with these people and get across my knowledge and passion for the company.

For my colleagues, it's a different face. I'm a listener, agony aunt, a reassurer and a bit of gossiper (which I probably shouldn't be!) I do enjoy a good chat, just not first thing in the morning as I'm still half asleep! I'm also getting use to people sounding off with me and just wanting someone to hear them out about a work or personal issues. Sometimes visitors do that too! Maybe it's my personality and nature, but I think other receptionists can relate to being these things too. 

For the people I train, I've to be teacher. I'm actually fine in this role and I'm not scare to admit to them that sometimes even I don't know what I'm doing! My teaching is very friendly, casual and hands on, which is how I like to learn myself really. However, this doesn't work for others, so one of my tasks is to write some clear instructions for how to use the phone and switchboard on Wednesday as a further aid. 

I also have to be learner myself as there's a lot more admin training I need. I'm currently learning how to check time sheets and find cover for staff. Tomorrow, I'm going to learn how to do the reception team route, which should be an easy task. I also need to learn how to do room bookings and such things. So, yeah it's a busy job! 

Anyway, I'm glad to be home tonight chilling and this Friday I'm off to my boyfriend's for a weekend at his as I'll get a small break then. I just need to survive the rest of the week!   

Thanks for reading and if you want to leave a comment please do, I'd love to hear from other receptionists! Also check out my other blog; https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/ Have a good week! 

Images from: https://pixabay.com a free stock photos.

January Life Update: Welcome 2017!

Hi readers and welcome to my first post of 2017! 

I hope everyone had a good time celebrating the first day of the new year and all the best to everyone. I plan to keep this post short and once again I have no photos, so that should help! I had a quiet night in with my family and my boyfriend. We played board games, watched a few movies and then the fireworks in London on the TV. They always look really good and whilst I do wonder what it would be like to be there one year, I just think it's easier seeing them on TV! 

Beside from that I've had a chilled last few weeks and I've not been doing much really. Though I've read three and a bit books, wrote some short stories, spent time with my family and watched lots of movies. Now though, its back to normal. I was in work today even though it was a bank holiday. The youth centre never closes! It was quiet though, just people ringing to see if we were open and asking to pass on messages. I read my book, wrote some stories, did some colouring, watched You Tube videos and listen to music (I had permission from my supervisor, of course!) I also made a dream catcher, which I'm running as a craft activity tomorrow. They are not that hard to make, though mine didn't turn out right- made a few mistakes, but it turned out okay. I think the kids will like them. 

It was a bit boring just sat there in a building that was empty but for me and one or two other people. But hey, I got paid and I could do what I wanted, so I can't argue with that. Though it didn't help with my sleep problem! For the last three nights, I've been in the living room on airbeds and sofas as we don't have a third double bed in my family home. So, I've not had much sleep and I've been going to bed late too! I'm hoping for a better night tonight! 

So, like everyone else I guess, I've been deciding my New Year resolutions. Though I like to see them as more of goals for the year then just giving up bad habits and other stuff. The typical one of lose weight is on there. I was actually doing okay with that last year, but then ill health, October and December holidays haven't helped, so I'm going to give it a short again. I'm still a member of the gym and I plan to go swimming and to the gym with my mum three times a week. I also want to take my dog out more for longer walks and reduce sugar in my food. All that should help. I've found going on diets, following rules and cutting out foods doesn't work for me. I get cravings for things and I can't fight it easily. Also, due to my ill health, things can be effect by not eating enough or eating too much of certain foods. During last summer it did actually work, so I just need to try harder to stick to it now.   

I've also decided not to buy any books this year beside from ones by J .R. Ward - my favourite author who's got two new books coming out this year- and a manga series called Assassination Classroom. That's because I need those books and I know I'd just break my goal for them. The reason I've decided to try and not buy any books is because I have too many to read and I don't have space any more. Yes, I do have a kindle and a laptop now, but I spend most of my time looking at screens as it is and I like physical books far better. I've added a side rule to this that books people give me or are free are okay to have. In 2015, I went 6 months without buying a book. This year, I hope to go the whole 12! 

That goal fits in with my third one; save more money! I so need to do this if I'm to get my main goal of getting a car this year. I want to make sure I can afford one and though I probably can do, I really want to make sure of it. So, I need to get better at saving money. I plan to try and set a minimum of £100 a month, but to try and set more aside. This means I'll have to work more hours, but that doesn't seem bad if it's worth it. 

So, that's four goals now. I think that's enough to be getting on with. Of course, there are things like write a novel, get the short story collections sorted, look for another part time job or a full one, move out of my family home and into my own place, work on my relationships, spend more time with my friends and travel a bit more too. 

I found lots of different resolutions and goal settings online. I picked out three that I wanted to try myself as they look really good. Here they are;     

This is the first one I found. It's a list of 12 single words that you use to complete sentences with which allow you to create simple or complex goals. For example; give more to the homeless or visit Germany.  http://www.artbarblog.com/create/this-year-resolutions/  

The second is a list of resolutions ideas which is good if you are stuck for ideas, or you want to achieve something different. For example, 'try meatless Mondays' and 'volunteer more.'  

http://easycollegecoupons.com/the-ultimate-list-of-2017-new-years-resolution-ideas/

The third is this monthly guide which has a different goal every month but they are all really useful for. I like this idea because it helps create good habits and since the time line is short things can easily be tried out and achieved more. So for example; in July try drinking more water and in March get organised. http://www.cleverpedia.com/new-you-for-the-new-year-challenge/ 

What are you new year resolutions? 

Happy New Year and next Monday it'll be the first book review of the year. See you there!

July Life Update Part 1: What am I doing right now?

Hi readers,

I'm writing this early too to try and get a head as I'm so busy right now. Originally, the sewing project post was meant to be up first, but then I realized this follows on well from last week's post when I wasn't able to write about two things on there. So, I'm moving that post to August now. Which means the three Mondays for the rest of this month will now be the book reviews of the Soulless Manga trilogy and the first two books in the Custard Protocol series. Though as I've just checked, the second book isn't out till the Thursday 21st July and that's 5 days to read it in. Just pre-order it so it'll come just before or on that day now. Should have got it with my birthday presents, oh well.

The first thing I want to write about today is the question of if  I'm a 'serial dater' or not. Now, my only slight risk of writing and publishing this is that there are certain people I'd rather not see this post. But I do want to reflect on recent things and prove that I'm not really a serial dater. So, as most of you know I broke up with my boyfriend back in January. Since then we've still stayed friends and though this has been hard it's working...beside from not being able to break some of the old habits....

Around April, I decided I had to move on and prove to myself that I was still date-able and not stuck on the highest shelf like a broken doll. I joined two dating websites, both of which I had used before though, this time I was going to juggle being on both of them at the same time. My inboxes every since then have been stacked high with messages from men. Unlike the last times though, I tried to be more picky in which men I message back.

Internet dating is hard. Everyone seems to think it's easy, but to be honest it's a lot easier to lie and just say what you want, because you feel more protected by the screen and being home then say if you met some at a bar or public event. So, I get a lot of messages with men just saying "I have great ect 'place body part here.'" or do "I want to have a one night stand ect ?" I don't reply to those messages. Also, its rare I reply to people not in the same country as me, just long distance dating isn't my thing and I have enough friends right now. Okay, maybe I could do with a few more...but I like meeting up and doing stuff, not just talk online.

I have a lot of rules and stuff in place for my safety as I am so aware of the problems online dating can led too. One of my rules is that I try to spend awhile talking to the guy to get to know him. Another is that the first date is actually called the first meet up and we meet as friends. That's how it's been for all my 'dates' and I have stated this every time, we are meeting as friends. Because it's less pressure off everything really and I'm not in a hurry to get back into a relationship. Not because I'm holding a candle for my ex, but because I've suddenly discovered the freedom of being single. Though sometimes I don't like it, I'm enjoying it for the most part. My long term goal is of course to find someone, but right now I'm happy building friendships. They say that's how the best relationships start anyway.

So, Over the last two months or so I've meet up with four guys now from the two dating sites. To code them, I'm going to give them letters of the alphabet and try not to go into too much detail about them personally (just to protect them and myself, because I'm nice like that).

The first guy, A, I have meet 3 times now. I really like him and we get on, there's this flitting between us which I enjoy too. He's very funny and sarcastic, which I like. He makes me laugh a lot and he finds my stories and jokes funny. Also, all the meet ups we've turn into mini adventures as we end up wandering around looking for places! The downside for me is that he does live far away from me, but he sees the city I live in as his true home and he does want to move here one day. I am hoping things will develop with him, but I'm not sure if it'll last, we don't seem to have that much in common as of yet anyway.

B lives a lot closer and we had an okay first date, even if I ended up taking the led on it. Which I don't mind, but he was lacking in confidence for me. Plus physically, I didn't feel attracted to him. He was really sweet, but I think he was too nice and was happy doing whatever I wanted. Which I didn't trouble me, but some input would have been good. We've stayed in connect and I said we could be friends, which I know he's not too happy about. We have yet to arrange a second meet up.

C and I have met twice now. He seems nice, but like B he is lacking in confidence and also he's shorter then me and I just can't deal with that. There's just something about tall men I like and it doesn't help that I'm tall myself! The first time we met, I had to buy my own drink. which I don't mind - it's not a date! but I think it jarred with me that he didn't even ask me about it or anything....unlike the other two guys. We had a good talk and we did have a bit of a walk too - which is how I noticed the height difference!

We went bowling and for lunch as our second meet up and he talked a lot about this girl he liked. I was actually in one of my low moods and the conversation wasn't that interesting. Bowling was fun though and lunch was okay. I fear that he'll go the same way B went though as he's not for me, but a friendship might work.

D does live a bit away from me and we have met twice now. The first time, I broke my rule of not eating on the first met up. I'm not a shy eater, but I can be a bit messy and I'd rather just get something like a drink which can easily be handled. And I was messy! We had a talk about a number of things and I do feel once again that I was far more confident then him. Though for some reason I was really on edge and so chatty. He was taller then me though and paid for lunch - super nice of him because he didn't have to. But then he give me super mixed signals because he decided to leave.

I don't normally set an end time unless I have to, but that meet up only lasted about an hour and 40 minutes. Which isn't that short but compared to the the four- six hours I'm use to it kinda is. I so thought I'd come on too strong and he'd not liked me. I had all this paranoia about it until he texted me and asked me if I wanted to meet again...turns out he was just super worried about missing his train home though they seemed to be every hour. I agreed and decided to give it another go.

The second meet up went a lot better and actually changed some of my first judgement about him. I think it helped that we went and did something this time. We went to an art gallery and had fun looking at the paintings. He made some jokes and we talked a lot about art and relationships. We went for tea and it was my pick this time, I choice a new place I'd not been to before, but the food was good. We split the bill this time and we hugged like three times before he left.

I'd like to see him again and not just because he said he wanted to go to the zoo for our next meet up! But because I think his confidence will grow and we have lot in common.

So, am I serial dater? I don't believe so. For starts, I'm not actually 'dating' them and they and me know where we stand and I make it repeated clear that's the case. Also, this the first time I've seen a number of men at once. Normally, I stick with one guy and if the first meet up doesn't work then I move on to the next. Actually, I only started dating in my early twenties. As a teenager, I wasn't that interested in boys and it's only been over the last six or seven years that I have changed my mind and become interested in finding someone to spend the rest of my life with.

I looked up what the actual differentiation of a serial dater and there's lots of interesting information out there, but I came to understand that it's a person who has a few dates with someone then moves on to someone else and the pattern repeats. They do this because they like the first stage of dating and don't want to commit to anything. Also they don't want to spend time getting to know people, they enjoy having money spent on them and date people who have nothing in common with them. I don't really tick any of those boxes.

Of course, I know there's going to come a time when either I decide to start a relationship with one of these guys or another I've yet to meet. I currently have two guys I really want to meet up with as well. Then I know I'll have to sort things out because I'm so not a cheat. At the minute I'm having a bit of trouble juggling the four guys I'm making friends with, so I can't imagine managing two different relationships! To be honest, I'm just having fun meeting and getting to new people, which is something I don't do really do.

And before I forget here's a link to a tumblr I llike and some of the posts on here just sum up internet dating messages for me really well; http://really-not-ok-cupid.tumblr.com/ If you need a giggle it's a good thing to check out, also it reminds me why being single can be a good thing!

On the flip side of this, for the past six weeks I have been giving up my Sunday mornings to be a part of the group mentoring at the youth center. It's the first run of this and it's to help 8-12 children who can't do 1-1 mentoring because their problems are not big enough or do to their additional needs they are unstable. But, if once we finish in another seven weeks, the young people still need support they'll go into the 1-1. I thought this would be a good way to start my mentoring as I've not been matched up to a young person yet.

I am finding it tough. It's hard to do anything for the first time even with training and support. I think it's going to take awhile for me to get into it as even after all this time I'm just not getting to grips with it. I'm not going to say mentoring isn't for me, I just think I need more practice at it as with everything. Maybe I need to do some more reading around the subject and look at how I can improve myself.

So the group mentoring sees three mentors, a supervisor, a supporter and eight young people meeting to do a range of activities which I divided into doing an activity often based around teamwork and looking at emotions/feels, lunch and small group time which sees the mentors working with the same 3 or 2 young people in a more focused activity. Now, my two kids are brother and sister and they have a bit of a rough home life, not in any abusive and neglecting ways, just that their mother has a lot on her plate it seems.

Last Sunday was also the second time they'd not turned up and it was the four time all together. It bugs me because I'm giving up my free time to help these kids to reach the reasons they are on mentoring and their mum doesn't seem so bothered to bring them. I'm so hoping this is going to change and that I can now spend the next few weeks actually helping this kids out. I keep telling myself that even if I'm just there for them and they can talk to me and I can teach them one coping technique they remember when they are having a bad time, then I'll feel like I achieved something. It'd be goo if I can do more, but as a mentor there's only so much you can do anyway.

Even though I love my part time job, I'm currently looking for another. I'd love to find some morning work in an office somewhere, so that I could still keep my shifts at the youth center. It wasn't my plan to really stay so long and I wanted a full time job, but I've not had much look and I guess I've become to comfy where I am. But I want to move out and get a car and the only way to really do that is to save up and I need more money to do that. So, I'm on the look out again and hopefully, I'll find something soon enough.

The issue is that job hunting doesn't get any easier really. I find it takes up so much time and it's tiring. Being on sites like Linked In and signing up to temp and agencies does make it easier, but it's putting in all the leg work and the fact I don't get many replies triggers my depression. A few weeks back I had a phone call and I was headhunted for this job as a research at a recruitment center. But the interview was cancelled the evening before because the guy said on reflection I didn't sound confident enough and that totally didn't make any sense to me. Also he wanted to hand in my notice that day before I had the interview so he could hire me the next day! That's just weird too.

In some other news, I have finally got a goal date set for my short story collection anthology release. It's going to be on Monday 1st August. This is going to be published on amazon kindle for £1. Which seems really cheap to me! It's going to be a collection of around 30 short stories from the first year of my other blog The Story Files over on Wordpress. I've been saying for ages that I'm going to do it and now I really mean it. I'll post on here when it's ready.

I so want to look at getting money from my blogs. I know its' difficult to do and most people say it's like a full time job. I've never really wanted to actually get money out of this because it me it's always been my space to just out pour, but it'd be great to get some else in return for writing now. Speaking of that and blogs.....

I had a great idea for a new blog and I plan to start that up next week. My plan is to post on that blog on Fridays and it's going to be about fighting negativity and how to stay positive. This blog is different from my current two and others I've done in the past because it's going to focus on advising people. I had this idea after having a talk with my dad then seeing some self-help books work. Originally, I was just going to make a life post about it but when I started planning it out there was so much I wanted to write about that I thought I could just turn this into a new blog.

I have set a word limit of 500 words per-post because that's about the right word count to draw people in and to read it fully. I try hard to keep the word count down on here, but like I said with this being a space to out pour it can be hard to keep things short!

So, I'll let you know about that when I've sorted it all out.

Update! I've set it up and done the first post! You can check it out here; https://negativitybreakout.wordpress.com/

Lastly, I wanted to write about my future plans. Right now, I'm on a short break in Leeds with my mum. On Saturday it was actually my birthday and this trip to Leeds is apart of that. I might write about that at some point. So, I've got some books lined up for reviewing, more short stories to write, two novellas to finish and I want to get the other two short story collections for the second and third year of my blog sorted and published. I think I'll carry on with what I've been currently doing on this blog, because it seems okay, but I'm hoping my new blog takes off.

Thanks for reading and please stay posted for some updates on all of this stuff soon!


My other blog: https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/


Images from https://pixabay.com

June Life Update: Home Improvements.

Hi readers,

It feels like an age since I last did one of these posts and I've been so busy! But also, the Soulless books have been taking up the last few weeks. I actually got the idea for this post at the end of May/ beginning of June, but actually I'm glad I didn't post it up then because it's meant I've had more time to write it. However, it's now become a lot longer then I first planned, but I've got lots of photos to break things up with. So let's start! 

Last month my old desk chair broke. It had been on it's last legs/wheels for awhile but one night as I sat in it singing along to Five Finger Death Punch, the chair snapped in half and threw me against my bookcase and floor. My foot was trapped underneath the seat, but luckily, I got free and after a few minutes of laying on the floor I got up. My chair was announced totally broke by my dad and so began the search for a new one.

I had this idea that I wanted like a comfy plush armchair, but all the ones I looked at online, in charity shops and furniture shops were not desk height. My mum took me to IKEA for the first time as the last place to look. We arrived at the right floor and the first thing I saw was someone being told off by a member of staff for using the wrong trolley! Seems the long flatbed ones could only be used on the floor below and not in the home area.

Visiting IKEA for me felt like visiting a number of different houses. I love how you can just walk into a living room or kitchen etc and take a good nosy around. You so get a really taste of what you could make any room in your own place look like and I enjoyed that experience, even though it felt a bit weird and it took me awhile to actually step into one of the rooms.

I saw a number of chairs I liked, but none of them ticked all the boxes either because they were too small for me - I need a big chair because I like to curl up and I do move around a lot, plus I spend a lot of time at my desk- or they weren't the right height or they were too expensive. So, even though I saw lots of cool stuff, I didn't get anything. I think when I've a place of my own, then I shall go back to IKEA. The bookcases were awesome!

In the end, I went back to the internet and looked on Amazon. It really is my go to place when I want/need to buy things. Finally, after a lot of researching into desk/computer gaming chairs, I went with this one;

I know the photo isn't that great. The sunlight appeared at the wrong moment and I've just not get around to trying again. Plus it's really tall, so actually getting a full photo of it without showing the mess my front room is currently in is hard. So, its a computer gamer's chair with fake leather and plush panels that actually have an autumn leaves print on them and I do so love autumn and leaves! It's super comfy, really supportive and it was well within my budget. I'm happy with it and hope it lasts an age now.   

On to the second thing. For anyone who's been reading this blog awhile you'll remember my addiction to cacti. I have a huge one called Bob, who I took to uni with me and it was given to me by my now passed away uncle as a small baby. Well, I decided he needed re-potting again. This is like his fourth new pot now and he seems to suit it. Sadly, I think I choice the wrong time because he was flowering- as you can see below- and normally he gets large pink flowers on all his tops, but it's not happened and they have started dying. I hope he's going to be okay. 

The cacti in the photo at the start of this post are all my new ones. They were really cheap from a supermarket and I couldn't say no to that. I re-potted the one that looks like Bob in his old pot to encourage him to grow big. It's the same for the cactus next to Bob in the above photo. It looks big already, but I want it to grow more. They all look really good on the window sill which is next to my desk and computer. I added the bunnies from one of my old posts next to them as I've been sewing so much new stuff lately that I've run out of room.

The cacti below I've had for awhile and actually they are the only ones that I didn't re-pot. That's because I'm pretty happy with them as they are. They haven't grown much though, expect for the two tall ones at the back, they seem to be doing really good. The cactus in the middle is a special one I got from the Eden Project in Cornwall on my birthday. I did have another one that was orange which I got from my first trip but it sadly died. I've no idea why though! The other cacti came from a garden center and it's the same place I got the seashell stones from. I like them because they just add some color and decoration on top of the soil.

One of the things I love about summer is all the outside decorations you can get. This year my mum and I decided to buy some new solar lights for the trees we have in the garden. I went with stars as I really like them and they do look good. Then I choice some twinkling fairy lights to make like an archway between the trees. That turned at really well. I love waiting for them to come on and though they've not been so bright recently due to lack of sun -feels like another washed out summer in England- they still look good.

At the same time, I also got this which is meant to be fireflies in a jar. I love the effect and I have it inside on my window sill, balanced on a cactus pot during the day then moving around my desk in the evening/night, so I can enjoy it. I really like it and also it could easily be made with a jar and some lights, but this was super cheap! 

To fit in with this I recently brought some new LED fairy lights for my seashell collection. I have always collected shells when I've been at the seaside. I try to get the ones that I think sea creatures won't want to use and then I only take a few. I've also brought some too. They use to live in a shoe box under my bed, but a few years back I decided to get a large glass vase to put them in. I then brought a string of 20 fairy lights to put in with them and it's stood on the end of my desk under my bed for ages. 

A few weeks back whilst tidying my room I decided that I'd love this on my PC desk where I could have the lights on more often and enjoy it more. So I brought it and my large lava lamp, which I felt the same about to my PC desk. It was there after having it on a few times I decided that it would Benefit from having more lights in as only the middle section was really lit up. So, I went on Amazon and got some. 

It's taken me four tries to get it right. The problem was I got 100 lights when before there was only 20 and the wire was really thick, so twice all the shells won't go back in and the third time I decided that I didn't like the arrangement of things. It took a lot of thinking, but I'm happy with how it turned out. Also, having just the blue and green lights on gives a really nice affect.   

My younger brother moved back from uni about two weekends ago now. He wanted to sort though the corner wardrobe that's in his bedroom. I ended up giving him and my mum a hand, we found a lot of interesting stuff and were able to get rid of most of it. I still have some books and a bathroom stuff to give to charity. Though what I really want to do is raise some money for arts and crafts supplies at the youth center. Going to have a look into doing that very soon.

Among the finds we discovered these two Charlie bears! Mum said she was sure one of them - the panda on the right had been a Christmas present for me she had lost a few years back. The other shares the name of my other brother and that's why she got him, but for reason he then got left in the cupboard. I'm glad to say that both bears have now joined all the others in my bedroom. 

The other thing I wanted to write about were these Dungeons and Dragons Role Playing books. I had for sometime kept three of them in my room on the top shelf and we found the fourth one in an old box of childhood books. I'm not sure how it got there! They date from 1992-1993 and were meant to be used with the 1990 D&D board game as additional adventures.

We don't have that board game and though it's easy enough to get one, I'm thinking I might sell them. Right now they are coming up as being somewhat expensive. Seems there's a surge in old D&D stuff.

But I feel kinda attached to them and I don't know why. Maybe it's got something to do with the geek in me and I keep thinking I could keep them, get the board game and find some people to play it with. On the other hand, that's unlikely to happen and maybe someone who wants them for memorabilia and knows about them better then me will want to buy them? 

I don't know, but I'm storing them inside my small bookcase next to my desk till I decided. Take a look at these maps though! I've got them for each different adventure and I love the detail in them.   

To tie in with this when I cleaned my bedroom last month I found these novels. I knew I had them as they were giving to me by a high school friend back in the early 2000's. I just about think I've read the vampire one, of course it's about a vampire so why wouldn't I? But I've never read the others. I got them before I knew what D&D was and I think I just thought they were fantasy books like the role playing ones I got at the same time, but now I know them for what they are and I like them a lot more.

They are on my to read list now. Strangely though the D&D adventure I'm playing right now is linked to the vampire novel as we are playing The Curse of Strahd and that novel is based on the original adventure. I think one of the reasons I've not started reading it is because I'm worried there might be information which could be seen as meta-gaming actually in the novel. So I'm going to wait until the adventure is finished and then read it. Also, I've a huge pile of books to get through right now! If you're interested in playing D&D here's the link to the website;  http://dnd.wizards.com/

And I'm sure I've wrote a lot about how playing D&D has changed my life in the past, so I won't go into that all again here. I've got three things left to write about now and then I'm finally finished. 

So, recently, I've become really big on products from The Body Shop. I have also loved their strawberry wash stuff and lotions and the orange one they have too. At Christmas I got into their apple scent and now with summer under way, they have brought out a range of pina colada - pineapple and coconut stuff and that's like my second favorite smell. I'm totally in love with it! Also they have some hand cleaners, which I love too and carry around with me wherever I go.

The other product I'm addicted to is the peppermint foot treatments. I love the smell of it but also my feet have so improved using the deep intense cream. When I was a ballerina I never kept on top of my foot care like I should have done and now I've become super aware of the pressure points on my feet, eg. the heel and base of my toes. With wanting to wear sandals - despite the rain now taking over the summer- I thought I should start giving my feet some TLC. So far it's really working and my feet look better then they have in years. 

Last week, during one of my first meet ups with a guy from an online dating website, ( I was going to write all about my 'first' dates and how my mentoring Sunday's are going, but this post is too big all ready so I'll carry those over to a second July post I think as the first July post is about all the sewing projects I've been doing) I had a shopping trip. I don't normally spend so much money at once, but I wanted get a few things anyway and then I found more. 

I needed some strips of fabric to make my new craze of hair scrunches. I learnt how do them from the fabric activity volunteer at the youth center and when I made my first one I become hooked. So now I've got all this awesome fabric to make some more!    

A few posts back I wrote about my happy book and how I fill it with positive quotes/Menes and things that make me happy. For awhile now I've been looking to get another notebook to continue the happy book in as it's almost full now. I spotted the small two notebooks on a top shelf in The Works and decided they were too cheap to pass up on even if they didn't become the next happy book. Also the inspirational quotes drew me in. 

The white book behind them is actually a design your own cover book and though it's too big really to be my new happy book I liked the idea behind making my own cover and also it's plain paper inside, unlike the others which were lined. So, maybe it's work as my new happy book? Have to see when I actually need to switch out.

I also got these books too as they were very cheap and I thought the two sewing books would be great inspiration for my job. Some of the projects in them look pretty good and I thought it'd save me sometime looking on the internet. The other book is about funny newspaper headlines and yeah I was drawn in by the custard shortage line. I thought this would be useful for writing prompts. One of the things they say to look at is news stories and I like the sound of some of these headlines. There was one about a dog being attacked by swans, a man being found dead in a graveyard and one about boiled egg exploding. I also thought if I need a giggle then it'd be good for that. 

I also brought the new J .R. Ward series book 1! It was on my birthday wish list, but with Waterstones giving it a buy one get one half price sticker I thought I'd get it then find another one. It took me awhile as the selection they had wasn't great for me, but I decided to get the home for peculiar children because I had seen the ad for the movie on tv and though I have actually looked at the book a few times I didn't know it was about children with supernatural powers. So I thought I'd give it ago. Two more books to add to my reading list!

I'm close to finishing now, there's only one more thing I want to write about and that's; 

Up and Coming Book Reviews. 

So, I just thought I'd share this list of some of the books I plan to read and review for the rest of the year. Of course, this list isn't set in stone and a few others will pop up. I've tried to do it by month too, but this no doubt will change. If you want to keep up with what I'm reading here's the link to my Goodreads page: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/7400715-hayley-hardman

End of June, but reviewing next week as one post; Soulless Manga Trilogy.

July; Gail Carriage The Custard Protocol book 1 and 2, J .R. Ward Blood Kiss.   

August; Darren Shan's The City Trilogy, Stephan King's Joyland and Cujo.     

September; Joseph Fink Welcome to Night Vale Volumes 1 and 2.  

November; The above writing books as it's write a novel in a month time. 

October; J .R. Ward The Beast.   

December; To Be Decided.

That's all for this update. Thanks so much for reading and if you have time please check out my other blog were I write a short story everyday https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/. Next month, I hope to launch a new blog which will also be on Wordpress and I want to get the first collection of short stories from my blog self published on Amazon too. 

See you next week. :) 

Images: all my own.