May Update Part 2 : Why are people so mean to each other?

Hi readers,

I'm slotting in another update post this month as something has been on my mind and I wanted to share it with you all.

Last week, I was walking quickly down the street to work and as I passed a queue of cars waiting at the traffic lights, a male passenger in one of the cars lend out of a window and shouted at me 'how you doing, Fatty?'

My feet slowed, I stared at him, my expression become a mixture of shock, upset and anger. I ran through everything I could respond to that in my head. I was on the edge of telling him to 'F off,' but then I walked past. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him laughing with his mates then the car drove off.

What he said stayed with me but I had to put it out of my mind to concentrate on working. Reception was tough that night as I'd had to switch my day shift to a night shift as the other receptionist had phoned in sick. It was a junior session too and they are always so much hard work! I got through it but those words still stuck with me.

I keep thinking of all the things I should have said and how I could've turned that conversion around. I could have shocked him by answering calmly back, by making a joke of it, laughing at him. You know? All those things you think about afterwards. Of course, if I'd gone the other way and turned aggressive towards him, he might have said more hurtful things. Maybe, even taking it further. So, maybe it was a good job I walked away.

There's no way I'm letting that get to me. I've been called worse things. Strangers judge you in a few seconds and act upon what they see. So, there's no way that man could've know that for the last 10 years I've been battling a long term health condition that some days affects me so badly that I can't leave my house. It's the main reason why I struggle to control my weight. Luckily, my new drug is controlling things enough that I've now started losing weight again and I do want to keep trying.

In contrasted to this, at work I don't let anyone disrespect me. If a young person is rude to me or says something I don't like, I address it fast. I follow the guide I got in my training and stick by the rules. The youth centre is like school in that respect, we don't take any misbehaving from anyone and we try to teach the young people why it's wrong and they can become more respectful.

I have a new motto; like water of a duck's back. To try help shrug it off. But it seems to have lingered still and it got me thinking, why is it easier to be bad then to being good?

I thought I'd look into it. I remember at some point hearing it was easier to be bad because it takes up less energy and thinking time whilst if you are good then it uses up more energy and more thinking. It's the same with smiling and frowning; you use more face muscles to smile and a lot less for frowning. 

In religion, it comes across as being easy to sin. Think of Eve eating the forbidden fruit, tempting Adam to try it too and God banishing them both out of Eden. It's harder to stay good and follow the book and church even though religious people know that's what they should be doing. However, getting rid of sins/badness comes across as being simple; pray for forgiveness. 

Having a negative mind goes along aside this. It's easy to be unmotivated and lazy. It takes a lot to do activities, even if they are hobbies we like. Staying positive can be really hard to do - I for one know that really well! Remember the last life update post? There are much more benefits to staying positive though, like achieving in life, love and career. 

There's so many scientific and religious theories/information out there too. So, far I've not found truth to my first thought; energy usage. I've concluded it would take too much time for this post if I did try to find it! What I can say though is that it is easier to be bad then good for many different reasons. Some people say it's because it feels better emotionally and mentally to be bad then it does to be good, even though it seems we get the same 'high' when we are nice and helpful to people. 

Getting back to what I opened this post with, to round things off and make it a positive ending, on a total opposite spin to being insulted, later that night my wonderful boyfriend texted me and told me I was beautiful. He really likes my body and understands all my issues which helps a lot. He often calls me beautiful, sexy and hot with a lot of meaning. It's a total boost to my confidence and reminds me that there are people out there who do find me attractive.   

So, in conclusion for this post just remember that no matter what 

Thanks for reading!


Research links:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beyond-good-and-evil/201405/why-is-it-easier-organize-evil-good

http://thoughtfulreading.com/psychology/good-people-vs-bad-people/

http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/four-ways-topple-negativity-bias-0114137/

Book Review: Sorted! The Good Psychopath's Guide to Bossing Your Life.

Hi readers, 

I was actually going to write another life up date but I decided that this book was far more interesting and also on the topic I was going to write about. 

This is a non-fiction book, which is a rare thing in my bookcase. Not because I don't like reading no-fiction but because finding subject matters that interested me and make me want to finish the book is hard. I saw this guide by chance whilst buying a Christmas present for my mum. I thought it seemed like I good idea. 

It's a follow on book from the first book they did and though there are some references to that, you can easily read this by itself. It's aimed mostly at men, I would say 21-40 odd, which is why it has what I call 'lad dialogue.' It's causal and funny, like men talking in a pub. However, it does stick in your head because you aren't being bombarded with lots of facts and instructions.

So this guide, it's not like a 'how to live your life', it's more like how to improve your habits and behavior at work and social events. It's divided into 3 chapters which are then sub-divided into different sections making it easier and faster to read. There's also images; graphs, timetables and quizzes which allows you to visualize the information.

I've found it very useful because last week I had a bad week at work. A lot of things went wrong and I was really stressed out. Then when I thought I'd done the main task- sorting out a rota, it turned out I'd made two mistakes! This wasn't technically my fault as no one had told me that a certain person couldn't actually do daytime shifts but I took the blame for it and that made me feel more stressed. So, yeah I wanted to write a blog post about that; when your job stops being your best friend and becomes your worse enemy. Which sounds like a good title for a book anyway!

In turning to Sorted! I found a lot of answers and advice that I needed to hear. There is one part about emails and how we are constantly sending and answering emails which has a great effect on the brain and causes lots of tension. The suggestion of checking your emails less, maybe only three times a day, is something I've now started doing. I check in the morning, lunch time and an two hours before I leave. This means that I've stopped clicking on an email every time I hear a ping and it's just made things easier and I feel less demanded.

I also found the part about listening well interesting and I'm now determined to listen to people better and to give them more time to talk. There are other tips; learning how to say no, leaving work at work, mixing actives up at work to keep things fresh, learning to communicate better with people and persuade people correctly into doing things.

Overall, this is a good book for those needing advice about work and social events. I enjoyed reading it and I feel more prepared to change my behavior towards people and work tasks. Hopefully, that'll help improve my work output, social skills, listening skills and general attitude to work.

Thanks for reading and please check out the links below.  Next week is going to be a manga review.

https://www.goodreads.com/user_challenges/7287580

https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/