April Life Update; That Drowning Feeling.

Hi readers,

I'm struggling today. I'm still not well and had to take some more time of work but I now have to look at claiming benefits again as I've used up all my sick pay. It's a bit of a catch 22 situation because I don't want to but I don't have a choice. So, I have to go through trying to put a claim in and hoping I can get some finical support.

I also have to go back to work next Saturday, even if I don't feel well enough because not going will just make this situation worse. I want to go back. I enjoy my job and working, so I will try hard to self manage my colitis. 

That isn't an easy task, it's okay to avoid the food, drink and pain relief tablets that trigger me but what my battle really is about is my anxiety and stress. Trying to keep both of them down, is currently hard for me to do as I have so many worries and now I have the money and work ones back! 

I know deep down I will get through all of this. I've done so before and it's just a rough time for me again. I have the support of a lot of people around me, though I know today doesn't feel like that's the case but it's very much true. 

I'm also real lucky that I still live with my parents and don't have all the responsibilities of paying bills etc. I have some emergency money savings which can see me through till this month's payday, so as long as I don't actually buy anything for the next few weeks I'll be fine. So, I'm going to try and not worry about that all too much.

I've used some of those savings today to pay for my car tax and MOT. As my car was due both and the last thing I need is to be worrying about losing my car. My dad will make sure my car passes the MOT test, so I don't need to worry about that, just got to let him do some work on things this weekend to make that a positive pass as much as possible. 

So, now I just have to try and sent all this side and focus on other things. I know that's easily said then done! But I know that spending time over worrying, being upset, depressed and anxious won't get me anywhere or make anything better. Acting and trying to solve my issues with a calm mind and heart is the best way to go. 

Trying to stay positive has always been a hard thing for me to do. I like to think I'm a positive, happy person but that's not actually the case. I make myself like that because that's how I think I should be. I'm sure some of you also do that. Being negative and unhappy is a lot easier to do and people noticed that a lot more too. 

I do feel a bit like I'm drowning at the moment. It's like being on a boat in a storm and being thrown overboard. I'm struggling to save myself from the crushing waves and I know only I can really do that. Other people might be throwing the life ring out for me but it's up to me to grab it and hang on. 

So, what I do I do when I'm in this situation? Normally, I do have a break down. I cry lot and wonder over so much. I talk to people - my parents, boyfriend, some friends and just let everything out to them and try to listen to whatever advice they give me. Which can be hard as sometimes I don't want that but afterwards, it kinda useful to think about their suggestions and maybe act on them. 

I do lots of writing - in my diary, reflectively and though it can be hard, short stories. I can let everything out and I don't have to show my writing to anyone and I can just release all my thoughts and feelings on to paper and then it doesn't go around in my head. Actually, I do have a big focus this month as it's the A-Z Blogging Challenge! I'm wring a short story everyday prompted by words that are new to me. You can check it out on my other blog here; https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/

One of the other things I do is blast some heavy metal music and sing along. It's really get way to de-stress and just release all my emotions. Sometimes I'm too ill or not in the mood for this, so finding the right moment sometimes has to wait. But by taking the hours to do this, it's worth it as I often feel so much better afterwards and like I'm rising above everything that's getting me down. 

I have lots of bands and songs, I cycle through but I always return to these favourite bands; Disciple, Five Finger Death Punch, Disturbed, Iron Maiden, Drowning Pool, Bullet For My Valentine, Bring Me The Horizon and Soil. All their songs speak to my soul and find a peace in the lyrics that I don't get anywhere else. 

The other thing I do to feel more positive and really I need to do more of this as I've found it can help lot and also change my mind set, is to get my Happy Books out. I think I've wrote about this before but briefly, a friend got me a notebook that had Happy Book on it and I decided to collect quotes and memes and imagines that made me happy inside the book. When I filled it, I went and brought this artist's A4 book to continue doing this. 

The front cover is a temporary thing until I get around to making one.      

I used Pinterest to help find things that make me happy and this can just be anything. I put this into a document, print them, cut them and stick them in the book. This helps focus my mind and also soak up some positive thinking. Here's an example of this; 

Recently, I have also turned to knitting and that helps me get through too. I was going to add to the end of this post about my recently finished knitting and my current projects but this post is all ready too long as I'll leave it like this now. 

I hope that things do get sorted for me soon and that things can change. Keep your fingers crossed for me. 

Thanks for reading and don't forget to check out my other blog. 

(Photos my own).

The Art Of Practicing

Hey readers,

As you might have noticed this post isn't a book review, but it does having reading and writing connections. It was inspired by yesterday and my sprocket pillow project, which went a bit wrong and reminded me why practice is important. I then realized that actually we need practice in most aspects of our lives, even if we don't think about it.

I thought that I was getting the hang of all this sewing and making, but since taking a break at Christmas, it seems I've lost some interested and also the patience. I guess before it was because I was making things for people and my creativity had more of a purpose. Now, I'm back to making things for myself, and whilst this is still fun, I don't really want to keep the stuff as I want other people to get joy out of it. The problem with that is that I need more practice if I want to sell my handmade things or else I need more friends to give stuff away to!

It can be difficult though and making the cushion yesterday proved that I'd yet to have enough practice. I've still not got the technique of using the sewing machine, even though I try and believe that I've done. I jammed it up and mum had to take it apart to un-jam it. Then she didn't want to let me back on to it just in case, so she ended up sewing the cushion together. As it was going to be one of those days though, when she was done it turned out I'd not cut the shapes all the same size and it meant that they didn't meet right in the middle. Lucky, a large button can cover that and its' not that noticeable really. I so wanted to give up, even before I'd probably started sewing it. However, mum wouldn't let me and she also reminded me about not giving up when things get tough!

So, it's clear I need more time to learn the art of sewing and that though I don't fully believe that practice can make perfect, it does show through time. Understanding this, got me reflecting on my writing. It took me awhile to learn how to craft a novel and there's still areas which I'm learning about. I think that's true of anything though, because even though we might have mastered something, there can always been something else to learn. My writing was self taught in the beginning and I learned by studying novels and then trying to write my own. I learned how to edit too and that only came through practicing.

I think sometimes that even published writers cane find themselves in the practicing stage when they try and write in a different style or subject. It can be a bit hidden or else not really thought about and it's nice to practice without really knowing it because then you're not thinking about everything else that's associated with it. Like failure or success or having to try again or it not turning out as you imagined.... Now, practicing with knowing is better because at least you can see that you are learning and that the finished project was just that and you can try again and make it better or else as you actual want it.

Not giving up ties in with this and though I might not have been able to make my cushion yesterday without help, I still achieved something out of it. Like this blog post and my cushion. That's always going to be an important part of practicing, because no matter what happens, you'll have learnt something from it. I really like the quote below actually, because it fits in well with all of this.
   

So, finally here is my cushion. It did turn out alright and it's comfy enough. I've got some other patterns for a square and apple core patchwork cushions. That's a project for later though, as I plan to have a go at using some old jeans to make a scotty dog key ring. Denim also looks good as cushions, so I'll add that to my list.

You can find the pattern here;
http://www.cluckclucksew.com/2011/03/tutorial-sprocket-pillows.html

PS. If you've not given Night Vale a listen yet then do so!

http://commonplacebooks.com/welcome-to-night-vale/


Images:
http://www.drmichellemazur.com/2012/03/practice-presentation-speech.html
http://www.quotesforthemind.com/
Author's own

One Day Review - 'What Are You Going To Do With Your Life?'

Hi readers, 

I just finished reading One Day by David Nicholls and having no plans for the next hour, I thought I'd write my review so that I could have it ready for putting up after I've done the third Looking Glass Wars book. I always get this odd feeling when I finish a book. I guess other people get it too, its a mixture of things and there's no easy way to describe it because it depends on my experience with the book.

I always feel a sense of completion at finishing reading though, even if I didn't get the ending or a didn't like the book as a whole. Sometimes I feel annoyed that the book has ended because I was enjoying it so much or else the ending turned out to be an anti-climax, where more should have happened to bring closure. A part of me feels sad that I now have to leave those characters when they have become my friends and I won't be wondering through the fictional settings any more. But there is a small part of me that knows I can return whenever I want as I only have to pick up the book again to be be back in that story.

I have a bad habit with the books I really really like. I'll try and draw out the last set of chapters, so that it feels like the story is longer and I can spend more time enjoying it before I close the back cover. Then I'll spend a few minutes thinking about the book, before moving on to the next. I've never been a fan of books that have won prizes and/or been famous, I guess because I tend to stick with one genre and don't expand out to look at others. However, my main reason for this is because I've never been keen on fiction books that have a 'real life' theme to them. I read to escape from the stresses of life and find it hard to get into books that focus on 'normal' peoples' lives. 

Saying that though, I do sometimes come across these genre of books that I do actual like. Maybe its because I can connect with the characters and the stories are so well written that I easily get into them and find it difficult to stop reading. One Day is just that. I had heard of the book before I picked it up and people had told me how good it was. It just took me awhile to buy and read it as I was unsure if I'd like it. I try not to pick up a book and judge it there and then. I try and set my thoughts aside and read the first half, before deciding on it. I was hooked on One Day straight a way because I liked the idea behind it and I wanted to see how Nicholls had been able to write it. 

Parts of this book are also very quotable and some great lines are said. So to stop this post looking like a mass of text, I've searched around for some of my favourite quotes with picture/photo backgrounds to go along side my words. It also means I won't have to type out the bulk of the quotes I want to share and look at in detail.  

Firstly, the cover for One Day -as above- is really eye catching and simple. It conveys the book's subject of two people and the passage of time. I really like the cover because even though the faces are in silhouette you get the impression that they are good looking people, also that they are just about to kiss. I prefer original art work to book covers then stills from the movies based on them. I think this is because sometimes the adoptions can influence how the book is read and the covers just don't like as good!  

One day is the story of two people, Emma and Dexter, across twenty years, who try and meet up or make contact on the same day of the year- 15th July, St. Swithin's day. The story starts with them in bed having meet after their graduation from university. They discuss what they could do with the rest of their lives and how they might make a difference in the world. After they part as friends, agreeing to stay in connect. From that point onwards every chapter is set one year on and we catch up with what they have been doing and we get to see the development of their friendship/relationship.

I could go on about all the different events that happen, but I feel like I'd be giving too much away and spoiling some of the twists. The effects of the events are handled really well and it doesn't feel like they have been placed as obstacles before the characters, more like they have just happened through the process of life. One thing I really wasn't expecting as I draw towards the ending was the sudden turn of fate that happens. It was always clear that the characters would end up together at some point, as the main plot is built around this idea. However, the unexpected ending really hits home the cruelness of life, also it fits in with the themes in the book and so doesn't actual seem out of place on reflection.    

The plot is very character driven and fitted around their actions. This works well because it feels very realist and reflects the choices that people make every day. The plot has a very real life feel to it with different events happening to each character. These events are a mixture of happy moments, sad/tragic times, personal triumphs, dreams coming alive and missed opportunities. It makes the reader question "what if?" in places too as the characters miss chances to get together or go down certain paths. I think everyone can connect with this and it allows the reader to question their own lives and missed things. 

In some ways, it feels like there isn't an actually plot to this book, because we are just following two people living out their lives. This creates a natural story because it doesn't seem like you are reading fiction. It feels more like someone's memories and the dating of the chapters adds to this. There is also the appearance of historic events in the background, which make it more realistic and gives the characters talking points. Most readers should know of these events as the readership is aimed at young adults.      

The narrative of the story is third person and switches points of view from Emma to Dexter throughout the chapters. At times the tense also switches from past to present and back again. The shifts are done really well and there is no jarring or sudden jumps between the points of view. Often this is because Nicholls has his current character thinking about the other and so the changing narrative feels natural.  

The characters are excellently written and remain three dimensional throughout. They go through a lot of development, which is important to keep up with the ever changing time span. They also reflect on their younger selves questioning their liking, disliking or support of things and how that has changed as they've got older. All the characters are very like able and  easy to connect with. You also become a emotionally attached to them and because of the way the story is written, you start to feel like Em and Dex are your best friends and you feel everything along side them. This draws you in and you feel gripped to carry on reading to see what happens.

The background characters connect with Dex and Em because they are either family, friends or co-workers. Each of these character's stories become part of Dex or Em's stories and pop in and out of their lives, the same way people naturally do. All of these characters are just as complex and three dimensional. Some even have development and reappear as events unfold. This adds another layer to the reality of the novel and really shows how useful background characters can be.   

There a lot of themes, but the main ones are friendship, family, relationships, death/lost and love. These are mixed in with the sub-themes of alcoholism, drugs, music, politics, literature and travel. All together these  themes don't overwhelm the narrative,which is a massive achievement because it would be so easy to become stuck down with so much going on! I think as they are spread out and kept in the background because of the year leaps, they become more like hints or suggestions. This works though because it just adds to the depths of the characters and gets the reader thinking.

To go with everything else contained in this novel is a whirlwind of settings. You would easily become lost if the chapters didn't declare where the characters where. Really, it seems they go all over the world, but the bulk of the story takes place in the greater London area. It really does help having a central setting and it was also refreshing for me to read a British novel! We start in Edinburgh and do circle back to it later on, then move to Bombay, Greece, France and a range of UK places. We see fleeting glimpses of most of these places in letters or conversation, so the narrative doesn't district too much. However, enough description is given to each place to bring it alive and they do appear to be suitable backgrounds to the characters throughout their lives.
   

It's easy to see why this book has won awards and so many positive reviews. It captures not only twenty years of British history, but twenty years in the lives of two people, who are destined to be together but are kept apart by fate. I was unexpectedly gripped and got carried away by this novel and it really is a story that will make you smile, laugh and cry. It's beautifully told,easy to read and you become unable to put it down. It's also one of those books makes you want to  re-read it straight a way!    

One Day became a movie in 2011. Though I've not seen it, I know that Nicholls wrote the screenplay and adapted his book to the big screen. Luckily, he's also a screenwriter and had previously written; Starters For 10 and When Did You Last See Your Father? He has co-wrote other movies, adapted classics to the TV screen and wrote a number of scripts for different British dramas. I look forward to seeing the movie at some point as I believe it is a really good adaptation of the book.  

The last thing I love about One Day is that I could easily relate to the first half of the novel. Having graduated myself, currently not working and wondering what to do next, I found that I was able to sympathises with Em because I'm in her position. I felt that some of the quotes about living inspired me and made me want to actually get out there and start doing more things. I would so recommend this book to graduates and people who are in a limbo about their lives. 

Overall, I love this book and can't believe it's taken me this long to read it! I think its set to be a modern classic and for Lit students to studied it. So much can be got out of this book and there is so much to explore  within the lines and between them. It's odd how a book that is packed with so much, could work as well as it does, but the plot and narrative are excellent. The characters really do become your best friends because you feel so involved with their lives that by the time its all over you feel like you've lost them. I'd recommended this book to anyone because no matter what you enjoy reading, you'll love this!    

Images from;

 http://www.oxonianreview.org/wp/one-day-an-interview-with-david-nicholls/

http://dexterandemma.tumblr.com/page/76
http://pinayabroad.wordpress.com/2012/02/14/valentines-day-quotable-david-nicholls/
http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/3ufiys/

http://wall.alphacoders.com/big.php?i=216140