Flashback To February Life Update; Snow and Valentine's Day!

Hi readers,

I started writing this blog post before I got really sick, so I'm not doing any editing and posting as I wrote it back in early February.

I want to say I'm glad January is over but winter is still here! It does snow in the Manchester, England area where I live but as I am in-between areas of higher grounds those towns normally get it first and I don't get to see that much snow.

These last few weeks, there has been two separate bouts of snowfall during day and night time. The first of these, the snow fell then soon melted, the second time the snow got iced over during the night and there small piles for two or three days. The rest of the week is looking clear, so I'm not sure if we'll get anymore now.

I'm sort of torn over my feels about snow; I love the way it makes everything look but I hate the issues it causes. Now I drive a car - almost my 3rd year now- I find that snow, ice and freezing fog are high on the danger list for weather conditions to drive in. I've been lucky so far that I've been okay driving in those and all kinds of other weather. It's something you get use to and more experience with. I am also getting to know when not to risk driving as of it the snow hasn't been that deep or icy but it's something to watch out for.

Luckily, most of the snow is staying away and it's not lasting that long when it does fall and freeze. 

I do think snow has this thing about it that makes everything more pretty and magical, I guess all those snowy Christmas imagines that have set this in my mind. The garden looks transformed into something different at the minute which is interesting to look out at. It's not so good for the animals - especially the birds, so we've been putting out extra food.

Also, my dog Patch isn't a fan of the snow. I'm not sure if because it's cold and damp/wet and reminds her of rain which she hates or if she's just not use to it. She'll play in a little dusting but anything deeper and she doesn't like even sticking her nose outside! 

To be honest though, I think she does have the right idea! I'm not a fan of the freezing cold myself and snow days are really just perfect for curling up inside on the sofa or bed with a huge book to read and supply of hot drinks and snacks.

Valentine's Day!

This Valentine's Day, my boyfriend and I didn't make any plans, partly because he was at work and I've not been feeling well these last few weeks. I just want over to his and he made us dinner which was a chicken tray bake. He's not good at cooking as I really appreciate him making the effort. It tasted really nice. We did go out to a garden centre which I really like going too and he brought me a cactus! It's so cute and looks like it's heart shaped.  

For anybody who knows me, I love cacti, I have a collection and bit of an obsession! I like each one I own to be different, so this one fits right in as I don't have one like this! And it's extra special as it was a present from my boyfriend. 

He also got me this unicorn kitty and amethyst bracelet which has a tree of life charm on it - below. I got him a t-shirt, a wall sign about Star Wars heroes, and key ring jigsaw pieces which had two fitting halves with matching sayings on. I let him pick which one he wanted and I kept the other. On my house keys now, so I don't forget. 

So, a quiet Valentine's this year but it's been just as special.    

Lastly and this doesn't connect with Valentine's as we have been planning this for awhile now, in June we are off to London to visit the Harry Potter Studio Tour! 

I'm really excited, even more so now I've seen the tickets! We meant to go from my 30th Birthday last July but we went to Cornwall instead. This year we are going for our 3rd anniversary and it's going to be so good! We have planned other things to do in London as well as it's going to be a full half a week of exploring places.    

You can bet I'll be writing all about that in June. For now though, here's to the end of winter and the being of Spring. See you next time.  

(All photos belong to me)

   

December Life Update; Hibernation

Hi readers, 

I can't believe it's December now! This year seems to have flown by. The last two months haven't been great for me. I've been suffering depression, anxiety, stress and flare up on my condition. I'm still off work at the moment but hope to go back next week. 

I would like to say I've put my time off to go use; done lots of writing and reading, watched Netflix, TV shows, movies, done some arts and crafts etc but actual due to the mental health problems, being ill and side effects of pills, I've not been that active. 

My only two achievements of worthy of writing about is that I've knitted Christmas presents for my family this year and I've two left to finish off now. That's been a great help to pass the time, keep me busy and helped to de-stress me. Secondly, I have kept up with my daily short story writing on my other blog; https://thestoryfiles.wordpress.com/ I guess this down to habit more then anything now, but it's been another helpful focus. Right now I'm trying to get ahead in writing this months stories as December is a busy time. 

I've already done all of my present shopping. I brought anything online which always makes it super easier and got people what they wanted off their wish lists. My boyfriend and I also buying presents together this year and that helped keep the cost down and make it easier to buy stuff. He's coming over this weekend and next so we can do some wrapping up together then. It's nice to get that out of the early as getting gifts for people can be stressful. 

My family also do this 'lucky dip' present giving event on Christmas eve. I'm not sure how it began as it seems we've been doing it for years now, it was probably my dad's idea of a fun game. The rules as simple; for everybody that's come and yourself you buy an item that is £5. This year, they'll be 8 of us plus my dog so that's 9 presents to get. Then everything goes into a box and in circle, youngest started we pick a present and open it. At the end everyone gets a pile of presents and you can swap ones you don't like. 

There was another rule but this has sort of faded now and it was if the items was something you wear you had to put it on, a drink - drink it, food - eat it and toys play with etc. But that makes it harder to swap and as we are all adults now some of the items can be very adult themed, that just makes it more fun for everyone I think! 

I've been sensible this year and got normal, good items for everyone. My mind wasn't much in a silly mood. My parents can be the worse at the adult themed stuff, so I'll just leave it to everyone else! 

The weather has been bad in England for the last few days and today it's actual dry and clear for once. that hasn't made me want to go out though. I'm finding it hard to be around people for different reasons at the moment and I'm liking time by myself more and more. I've been feeling only little bit lonely but having my dog helps. 

So, today I'm curled up on the sofa, writing this on my lap and listening to a fireplace sound video on the TV via Netflix. I do wish they were on all the time and not just at Christmas, listening to a fire burn away is one of my calming and writing background music I like to listen too! I'm going to write some short stories for bit then I got more knitting to do. 

Hopefully, I'll write another post before Christmas, got two events coming up; Christmas Market and Wicked musical, both will be worth writing about, just got to feel better soon.  

Images from; https://pixabay.com/

October Life; Manchester Bee Trail (Part 3) Saying Goodbye To The Bees!

Hi readers,

Yesterday, I was lucky enough to go to the Goodbye Bees event which was a chance to see all 101 bee statues in the same place and for the last time.

Many of the bee statues are being auctioned off next weekend and who knows where they'll end up and if they'll be on public display again. Some of the bees though are being given back to the charities who sponsored them or are represented by them. For example, Harpurbee will be going back to The Manchester Youth Zone. (I believe it'll be placed in the closed car park/allotment garden back area which isn't accessible to the public).

The event was held at the Manchester National Cycling Centre with some of the bees being inside and most of the being outside. It was really busy - lots of people eager to see the bees they had missed during the trail and the weather was bad too - the tail end of a storm that has flooded part of the UK this weekend.

To add to this my boyfriend had started with a cold and wasn't feeling well. We also had a nightmare parking! We ended up in the wrong place but then got told to go back there as there was nowhere to park around the cycling centre! Walking through the rain to get there then having to walk around the bees in the rain didn't help improve our moods but I tried to enjoy it as best I could.

It was really nice to see all the bees together and look at the ones we'd missed. I think we got to see around 50 on the trail and I realised whilst planning the second trip to see them that there was going to a few that I'd never get to see. So, it was good that the event was held and I could get tickets for it as I didn't feel like I'd missed out!

Of all the bees my favourite is still the one in the opening photo, Bee-You-ti-ful. I love the washed out colours and the inspirational imagines and quotes. A lot of the other bees are also inspiring and carry positive messages but there's just something about this one bee that really speaks to me!

If I had to pick a second favourite it would be this one below; Sundae. I love the ice cream look created on this bee and it feels so summer-y. For me this bee was also very different from all the others, I guess because it didn't have a 'bee' theme as such like some of the other ones do. Also, I love ice cream!

Due to how they had set the bees up it was hard to get a 'group photo', I tried my best but there was also trees and people in the way too! 

  

Now, here's a selection of bees from the event that I liked best and all of these are ones we didn't get to see during the trail.

I love this bee above! It had this really old stone look and reminded me of a headstone! 

I like this one below too. It's simple and pretty with the butterflies on it. 

The bee above is themed around the 80 Days Around The World novel and the bee, I believe, was at Manchester Airport to celebrate the airport's 80th birthday! 

I also liked this Egyptian themed one too.  

I think this bee was called something like The Sky Isn't The Limit and it has this star consolation theme. I liked the Galaxy painting on this bee.

The below bee really sums up Manchester for me; Cottonopolis. Manchester in the past has long been the centre for the cotton industry and the worker bee is the symbol of the hardworking people. 

This is Rainbow bee, who I also liked and seemed fitting in all the wet weather!

And this last Bee, I mistook as a bee with a cold as he was called sneezebee and I joked that my boyfriend was feeling like the bee was! Actually, this bee is theme around allergies, especially pollen which makes sense in the summer!  

So, that's it! The bee trail is officially over. I am super sad to see the bees go and it's a shame they can't be left on display around Manchester. It was a good way to bring people together but I guess there'd be too much up keep. 

I did buy the book of the bees though which lists them all and the small bees too. It's a great reminder of all the bees and fun that we've had finding them. I got a set of postcards too which had some nice photos of 9 different bees and the 10th postcard says something like we completed the bee trail. 

So, it's goodbye from the bees and goodbye from me. Until next time readers. 

(All photos belong to me.)

September Life Update; An Emotional Breakdown and Depression

Hi readers,

Things have been real tough for me these last few weeks. I agreed to cover the senior receptionist's three shifts a week at work for 2 weeks as he went on holiday and my manager was sort of struggling to find someone to cover. I normal just cover the Mondays and Fridays leaving the Wednesday to go to Dungeons and Dragons but I'm saving up for a new bed and D&D wasn't on the second week.

The first week was okay, I had an issue with missing some young people off the register and the takings being down, but those are things I continually struggle with. I blame my moderate learning difficulties and the unreliability of honest teenagers.

Then I had the first return to Saturday evenings shift to do. Over the spring and summer, I've worked in the afternoons on a girl's only session offer but it's been decided that we are going back to the evening shifts for the autumn/winter. That went fine - it was a free session so no money handling for me and we had a low number of teens in.

The second Monday came and I realised how tried and unwell I was feeling. My insomnia and sleep pattern - which I really don't have anyway- was bad. When I was sleeping, I wasn't getting enough and I was starting to realise that covering for two weeks might have been a bad idea. Still though, I was going to get a new bed with my extra wages and that was something to keep going for.

Another issue happened; my IBS flared up. (Slight side story here, but my mum makes a nice Sunday dinner every Sunday and I love chicken and gravy but I've know for some years now that gravy mix triggers me. Mum and I have been through lots of different brands and made our own etc, but I've yet to find a gravy I can safely eat). So, I had a pre-made chicken with herbs in a bag and gravy which seems to have been the cause of my flare up.

I have another condition called Ulcerative Colitis which is similar to IBS but can make me so ill when it flares up that I can't do anything and sometimes I have to go to hospital with it as the pain is super bad. I've had both of this conditions for 13 years now and maybe two or three years before it was diagnosed. Managing them both can be hard but I've learnt the signs and symptoms to tell them a part enough.

When I try to explain them to people, I say think of a time when you had a bad stomach bug and you had to go to bathroom all the time. Now, imagine if you had that everyday! Sometimes it's fine enough that you can go out for a day trip somewhere like the zoo or the beach. Other days, it's so bad you have to stay in between you bed and the bathroom, not able to do much else.

What I rarely go into with people is all the other side effects of the conditions and all the treatments I've been on that have left their own side effects on my mind. One day, I plan to write a post on here about that but for now I'll get back to the subject of this post.

So yeah, I had a flare up of my IBS and it wasn't good. I could barely do my job that Monday evening but I stuck it out, though I made mistakes and I should have gone home sick. But I don't like letting my IBS and colitis rule my life, I have always said if I allow that I'd never leave my house again. Anyway, when I got home afterwards, I was exhausted but couldn't really sleep and I felt more unwell. I told myself it would be okay though.

However, the next day, Tuesday, instead of my normal juniors arts and crafts shift, I got asked to cover reception and of course I agreed. Now, the young age group is manic and it's super easy to not stay on top of things and get stressed out. That's what happened with me and of course one of my other IBS triggers is stress! So, my flare up only got worse and I made a few bad mistakes and got in trouble. Once again, I should have gone home sick but with less then two hours to go, I didn't.

On Wednesday, I got called into a meeting and had to explain all the mistakes I had made over the past few shifts. I felt like everything was crashing down over me. I was exhausted, stressed, feeling ill and still having to deal with my flare up plus the side effects of that! So, I had an emotional break down in that meeting. I got a few things off my chest and cried a lot. I didn't feel that much better though and once again, I should have gone home but I stayed and did a 7 hour shift.

When I got home that night, even more exhausted and ill, I felt depressed and suicidal. I didn't feel like normal me anymore, it was like this other person who was having all these drowning thoughts, feelings and emotions had taken over. I couldn't stop crying and though I needed to sleep, I couldn't. I was worried about losing my job, my flare up getting worse and about all the stress working over the last 3 days had caused.

Even though, my parents had gone to bed, I awoke them and had a long conversation about things. Though, I don't remember much of that now. My mum told me I should phone in sick for Friday and Saturday and see a doctor in the morning. Which I did end up doing. When I phoned in sick, I felt like a weight had been lift. I didn't have to worry about going into work and making more mistakes or trying to deal with my flare up whilst there. I could stay at home, de-stress and sleep, like I needed.

The doctor give me anti-depressants and a phone number for counselling. I have known for about a month and bit now that I've been balancing on the edge of falling into depression again. I know the trigger has been to do with not being able to find a new job and therefore not being able to move on with my life how I want to. It seems all this stress at work has really pushed me off the edge now.

After a night of better sleep and the worry of work gone, I was feeling better. I was still emotional, anxious and stressed though. I realised for the last 24 to 48 hours I hadn't really been myself. My mind was clear from all the overwhelming emotions and thoughts, I felt more like myself again. I got to wondering who that person had been those last few hours, because that had been far from my own personality. My mum nicknamed her the crazy cat lady and I kind of agreed!

I reflected on what had happened, give it the name of an emotional break down and I've been trying to move on every since. The doctor give me two weeks off work and I've been taking it easy. Doing things I enjoy, thinking about how I feel and sleeping!

Depression wise, I only took one anti-depressant tablet out of the 14 I got given so far. I don't believe that they really work for me. They take a course or two to actually get into your system and start the chemical reactions to balance emotional levels. When you come off then, the side effects including making you depressed again!

I have been able to control my mild bouts of depression for years now as I have had mental health problems for most of my life. I know the signs and what I need to do to help. Often this includes, talking to people about all my issues, doing things I enjoy more like reading and crafting and writing non-fiction reflection and record pieces. For some reason though, I struggle with writing fiction, so my short stories on my other blog of late have not been so good. I've been able to keep the habit of writing them and to me that counts for a lot more at the minute! So, hopefully, I'll be able to keep self-managing now.

Lastly and yes I know how long this post is now! I wrote in my diary on Thursday night about how depression feels like Alice In Wonderland. At the time, I had forgot that the theory behind the story and Alice Through the Looking Glass is to do with mental health. When I told my mum the next day she reminded me and I decided it did make a lot of sense. I also wrote a blog post here way back in November 2016 (http://hailscrazyblog.blogspot.com/2016/11/november-life-update-were-all-mad-here.html) which was about my then mental health problems due to meds I was on and how it did seem like I was Wonderland.  

So, yeah, for now I'm Alice, dealing with the Mad Hatter, Cheshire Cat and the Queen of Hearts. I hope in the next few weeks I am able to find the White Rabbit and leave Wonderland behind me!

Thanks for reading this super long post!    

Stock photos from;

https://www.pexels.com and https://pixabay.com/

         

August Life Update; Manchester Bee Trail (Part 1)

Hi Readers,

Currently taking my home city of Manchester, England, by storm are these amazing bee statues. I've been excited about them since I first heard of them and this weekend I got to do little bit of the bee trail! 

The trail covers all of Manchester city centre and some of the surrounding towns. It would be hard to do in a day and though I'd like to see them all, there's a few I know I won't get too. But there is an event close to the end of September which will see all the bees together in one place and I hope to go to that to get the bees I've missed. That's why this post says part 1 as it's a subject I'll carry on updating throughout the next month.

I had already seen about four of the bees before yesterday, including the one above which is outside the building where I work! All the bees have names and this one is called Harpurbee which is very fitting as it's named after the town it's in. I get to see this bee often and I enjoy watching people admire it. Each bee has a placard which says its name, who designed it and sponsored it.

To me it feels like the bee statues are bring Manchester together and getting people talking. They are interesting works of art, each created by different people and groups. The bee has been a symbol of Manchester for years as the Victorian workers were described as hard working bees and it's become the national animal of Manchester. During the aftermath of last year's Manchester Area Bombing the Manchester bee came a symbol for everyone to show support and hope. The bee statues don't have anything to do with this but I like the connect in my head.

These two bees below were the second and third bees I saw as they were next to the Comic Con event back in July. 

There are 101 bees all together and yesterday I saw 15 of them, so I'm up to 19 off the list now. There are also lots of little bee statues which sit inside public places like libraries, museums and art galleries. The area my boyfriend and I did was around the Arndale Centre, Piccadilly gardens and some of the northern quarter. We stopped first in the bee pop up shop to get a trail map and postcards. Then we set off! 

It was good fun walking around and spotting the bees. We hardly used the map as I knew the location of a few already and the way we walked meant we came past more. There were a few close to the end we had to look up though as they were not as easy to spot. I took lots of photos, but I picked the best ones below to share. 

I was sad when it was time to head back home. I really wanted to see more but we didn't have the time. We will have to come back another day to see some more! I have the map now, so I can plan out a route to see as many as possible next time! So that's post will continue at a later date. 

That's all for now readers, till next time.

August Life Update; Visit To Bolton Abbey, Yorkshire.

Hi readers,

On Saturday, my boyfriend and I visited Bolton Abbey in The Yorkshire Dales near Skipton. It was just over an hour's drive from his home in Preston and the Abbey has been on our to do list for about a year now. I did visit a few years back and there might even be an old post on here about it! But my boyfriend hasn't been and I thought it was a day out we both would enjoy.

Set in wonderful countryside with the river wharfe weaving it's way around and boarding on one side Barden moors and further up the ancient Strid woodland is the ruins of an Augustinian Priory dating back to 1100's and the Priory Church. The whole area is so picturesque and fascinating to explore.

There are three car parks to pick from; one at the village and entrance to the abbey, one in the middle at the Cavendish Pavilion, where I chose to park and the third close to Strid woods. Each car park is close to cafes, toilets and shops etc. We when were arrived large groups of people had set up 'camp' for the day and it was really busy. We had lunch and then decided to go to the Valley of Desolation on the moors.

However, we didn't make it! We walked for 40 minutes along a path that was more of a track other people had made through dense woodland and brush. Along the way we meet people who had decided to turn back because the path was too narrow and steep in some places. Despite being determined to get there, we had to give up as it started to look dangerous.

We doubled back and went to visit the Abbey, firstly though we took a break in these giant beach chairs!

We had the option to cross the bridge, which we choice or to take a chance on the stepping stones - see next photo. The river was really low due to all the hot, dry weather England has been experiencing this summer. So, it probably was a good time to cross the stones but they were busy and later on we saw two children slip and fall off them. That made feel like it had been a good idea not to cross via the stepping stones!

The abbey ruins are huge and since a lot of the walls and window frames are still in place its easy to picture what this place would have looked like. There is also a surrounding graveyard but you can't walk around the headstones and have to stay on the pathways. 

Even though it's a little bit sad to see such a once grand place reduced down, lucky the church survived and is still in use today. Inside, gives ideas about how the rest of the priory would have looked. The stain glass windows are really something to behold and they are so tall! At the back of a church are a few tables were you can by religious items, guidebooks and other things to help support the church and remember the day. I brought two wooden crosses, three postcards and two bookmarks.  

The church is so quiet and peaceful. It was also a nice place to get away from the sun from! The weather forecast had said it was going to be cloudy with some patchy sun, but it was actually clear and hotter then that! I could have spent more time in the church but we had a 30 minute walk back to the car, so we had to leave. 

Expect from when we went onto the moor, we were either following the river or going against it.

There were a lot of people, swimming, paddling, catching fish and bugs, playing with their dogs or just chilling on the shore. The river actually seemed more of a draw then the abbey. I can understand all that and not just because of the nice summer weather but because the river is super pretty and the countryside it meanders through adds to the appeal.  

We did sit a few times and watched the river, the people and their dogs having fun. I was half tempted to go for a paddle myself but we hadn't brought a towel and I was driving. Maybe next time! 

Overall, we both had a great day out. I can see us coming back to Bolton Abbey again as it's a great place to walk and we only did some of it! Next time I'd like to see the woods and try to get to the valley.

Thanks for reading!