I'm off to see Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince in less then half an hour now! I'm excited and so looking forward to it! Though it would have been nicer if I wasn't the one paying for the tickets for my family! Anyway I just hope it's good and I'm not really that bothered about how close to the book it turns out to be really. I've not read the book in ages! Got to read books for Eng lit next year now and that really is taking up all my time! Some more good news is that I've started writing again now! Not sure how but I just moved a few things around in the book I'm writing and then I thought well I can started chapter 15 now and that's what happened. I've nearly finished 16 now, though that's a bit tricky because it's broken up into three different places! Manchester, Ireland and Liverpool. :) Going now. might have to come back later and do a review of Harry Potter 6!

Is missing uni life!

Not for the first time am I missing uni. I guess mostly the freedom and not having a parent/brother pop up every few minutes and ask you to do something or just distract you. But I already knew this summer would drag. A school child can't wait for summer and then it goes so fast, but me, who's life is now changed by uni life, didn't want the summer and knows that it is going to be a long boring one.

I can't write! I'm struggling to do it and mostly this is because of lack of 'alone space', inspiration and the constant nagging of friends-who are disparate to get their hands on the next set of chapters- but for reasons mostly relating to this, won't be getting them till I say so.- So I'm frustrated at myself, I can't get my stress relief and then I just get lazy and waste my day on stupid things like facebook farmtown, watching silly TV shows and listening to bad music.

I guess also there is nothing to look forward to this summer.....we're not going on Holiday and normally this is the one break I really love! No matter where we go-mostly some place in England in the car or in Wales camping, or what the weather is like, I just love getting out and having breaks from everything! TV, Internet, the house and sometimes my family and just the idea of exploring new places and seeing new things, its just something I like to do and does make my summer. But this year and it is mostly because of the money problems in the world, we won't be going anywhere and this is also part of my depression.

My mum's stress rubs off on me far to much. kinda like a nasty cold, once she's got it, I'm bound to get it and so this has happened tonight. It's the normally thing now......the lack of stuff done around the house which I'm sure also comes down to a number of things: I'm a girl, I'm the oldest, I now go to uni not school and I don't have a job and really I'm lazy and spend much of my time in bed or doing something that she things I don't need to be doing. So my mum moans about my lack of 'doing' around the house, which is fair enough and I'd understand if I didn't do anything, but that is not the case, I do stuff! okay, not every day like and maybe only when I'm in the right mood or have been forced but nobody is perfect and I feel like she's just out to get me because of the way things are.

So she told me to get a job and of course people know how hard that is during this time, but still I looked and there is a lot of jobs out there, but my problem is I lack the qualifications that most of these jobs want! I can't drive, do computers, plumbing, phone sales or door to door sales, teaching, child care, nursing, cooking, cleaning or caring. My areas are with animals-pet shops and animal homes and with books and creative writing. There's hardly any of these jobs going in my area. So what then? Behind the till at a supermarket or a bar? Knowing what my friends who work at these places say I'd rather not. I guess I'm really am being Naive about this job thing. I've never had one before. I've done work experiences and helped out, but a paid job I've never done. I've led a sheltered life and its hard to break away from that and of course what I really want to do; to be an author and poet, just doesn't happen over night and that's why I'm doing what I'm doing at uni! To live my dream! I've not got the energy at the minute through, all been spent on fighting and job searching.

I feel like doing what my dog is doing right now! Sleeping at my feet, safe in her dream world of chasing rabbits, postmen on cycle bikes and eating large juicy bones. Then waking up and being wanted and loved. A dog's life would be easier then this one right now!

Planning my party

It'll be in my 21st birthday party on Thursday (2nd July 2009) and then my party on the Saturday. I'm happy and excited and really can't wait. I decided that the party would be pirate themed as I'm a fan of pirate stuff right now and because I thought it would make a more fun party. So we've been gathering things such as pirate flags, bunting with skulls on, chocolate coins, pirate ship pinata and other such things! I've invited a ton of people and the party is going to last all night! Must be off, planning to do!

My last night

So it has come to this; my last night in my hall. I can't believe its really here and tomorrow well, in fact later on today, I'll official leave my room forever and might never come back. It has gone so quick and I've grown so much. There are so many people I hold as friends and I think that if there was more then 3 people (not counting myself) left now, it'd be harder to leave this place I've called home for little under a year now. But it is empty and the feeling of just emptiness and silence can no longer go on for me. I feel sorry for the 3 boys who have ended up staying because they can't move into their houses or as my SA is doing going home by a number of trains with all his stuff! I heard that on the other side of the hall (As ER is split into two groups of 20 by the common room) there was just one guy there and I thought I won't really want to be him, over there all by myself. I don't think I'd feel safe and I'd get bored too quick. Here I've got my next door neighbour and we had our last music war today. He decided to turn the volume of his music up over mine and so I put mine up, which made him put his up. I give in and went to have a shower, when I got back he'd turned his music off. Turns out, he's also blocked from his friend's list on facebook. Not that I really care, but it was just the shock of it! So also there are two guys down stairs; my SA who's to the right of me and the boy who I'm sharing a house with next year is opposite and one door down (Because opposite me is the kitchen) from me. So yes, it is dead here and time to move on for me. Of course I could have stayed, my parents would let me home whenever I want but really I don't think I could face an other week being alone in my room. Of course I go home to face being alone there for some weeks before my brothers are off. But there's something about being at home that is different to being in halls; a strange comfit, safe and happy feeling, sense of true family and love. So I leave my new found freedom in my new student world, to go back home and well if I don't find a job, the long summer is set to bore me until I can come back to uni and take my role up as a student once more!
Peace peeps and keep rocking! :)

Typed from the bean bag chair I'm currently stuck in.

Nothing much to type really as not a lot has been happening around here. More people have been leaving and for me there has been a lack of tearful good byes and hugs. It kind of feels like for the last year I've been on an island with all this new people and now everyone has made little boats, packed their stuff into them and set sail to drift across the Ocean Of Life. Of course I'll try and keep and touch with them all but what has been this year can never be again and there a lot of sadness in that thought for me.
I've been trying to record my thoughts and feels about this and well this sort of poem I wrote on my other blog before seems to just suit how things are around here at the minute.
My hall feels like a desert, all dried up and just full of sand which the wind blows through because it has become bored and lonely. A tumbleweed might roll passed every now and then. The Cataus may flower for a few days, but it is clear that things have slowed down and are slowly ticking over in silence, like a car engine waiting. Some parts of the world feel like they are dying and like the leaves of a plant that are starved of water and so wither away to nothingness. But water and time can replenish them and so though things feel like they are dying because they are coming to an end, there is still more out there. Waiting in the silence, watching from the wings and soon enough life will flourish again and the silence will be broken.
Might make it into a poem later.
Looks like a storm night tonight as well. Wind is picking up and shaking the trees, its dark already and that's strange for 7pm. I'm staying into night anyway, got stuff to read and my novel now nicked named R2D2 because its the second book and the title starts with an R and well the D2 part just happened because one my friends who's helping me with it has this whole thing about star wars.
Right I shall get myself out of the bean bag chair and go and shut the window before the storm hits.

Things are drawing to an end

It's nearly the end of my second last week in my hall at uni now. It has gone so fast and I don't want to leave! It feels wrong to do so, but many others have already gone including all but one of the people I can normally be found with. I've been slowly packing up my stuff and it seems I've gathered so much in my large room that it is going to be hard to fit everything back into my small box room at home. But I'm leaving this place with some many memories! Happy, sad, excited, pleased, bored and scared times. I've made so many new friends too, who unlike my friends at other educational places have really seen who I am and just accepted me. I'm happy about this, it feels I've finally found people who like me just the way I am and have no plans to use it against me.

Leaving my first year is hard enough, but I keep thinking about leaving at the end of my third year! At least for the next two years I'll be coming back, but after then I won't and it'll be even harder to let go and move on. I think it'll be hard for all my friends too. It's hard to explain to people unless you've been to a uni which is so great it feels like home, you meet some great people who really get you, you grow and change so much and learn lots about yourself. So unless this has happen to you, it's hard for me to explain things.

Coming to Edge Hill Uni has changed my life for the better! I'm no longer the person people knew at College, high school, primary and at home. I'm more confident, more out going and up for new things, I've learned that drinking can be good in small amounts, living with strange and different people can be very hard, frustrating but rewarding! Friendships can be born over strange things and at strange times and when you're happy; time just slips away from you so much that you wonder where it has all gone to, but you wouldn't go back and change a second of it. Edge Hill might be in the middle of the countryside with only a small town next to it and Liverpool half an hour on the train, but to me it is one of the best places in the world and it always will be.

Mostly everyone in my hall and the second group of Americans. (E.R. 2009)

Some of the best people I'm normally with.

Me and my best friends!

It's all about the windows!

People think I'm being funny and just ranting over nothing but my dad has now decided to get rid of our wooden frame, stain glass windows and go for plain plastic, double glazed ones. I love my windows, they've been a part of my life for 20 years now and they make the house, my house! and my room, my room! without them it just won't be the same! And the other problem is my window shape just won't be the same! Anyway, the other problem is because of the way my room is there's no way you can really get to the window (Picture a box, if you will-slightly elongated at the ends and a window is at one end. Now the window has two large windows at the bottom and two smaller windows at the top with a cross like shape in-between them. then in front of the window there is the end of a high bed, with a large wooden desk under it. Then on the other side is a bookcase, full of books bottom and top.) So Today I had to make some room for the guy to come and measure up the windows and the only way he could do that was for me to move my bookcase, so I first made my bed and moved everything off my floor and then I emptied my bookcase and then moved it into my brothers' room. then my dad tells me that my window sill must be emptied too! and what have I just done with all my books/dvds? stacked them in the only space I can reach the far end of my window sill from. So I had to clear the other corner and then I slightly moved everything forward. So now hopefully a tape measure can go in the gap. So that's done! but when they come to fit the windows my room will have to be emptied and stripped. So I know my room needs to be tidy and stuff for all my uni things to go in there, so I'll use that to do this, but it now seems I'm going to be at uni till I must move out Sunday 28th June, because I don't want to be round when they do the windows....it'll be just too heartbreaking for me and I won't be able to sleep in my room before and after too. My brothers' will have to sleep in the tent outside and my parents in the living room. So I'm having to stay, which really doesn't bother me because at least the choice has now been made for me! The other thing is that hopefully the windows will be fitted on Thursday/Friday which is my last days at uni anyway, in time for me to move back and also for my birthday party!!!!! which is on Saturday 4th July 2009. My birthday's on the Thursday 2nd July!!!!!!!!!! So hopefully everything will go okay there! I know it has to be done but it hurts and I'm trying to make people understand but its hard.......mum and dad understand it-they like our windows too-but of course there are some good sides to the new windows 1. no more painting the frames, easily clean and no rotting/leaking, keeps warm air in, looks nicer/more modern and of course the house can be sold for slightly more if the time ever comes.
So I'm glad to be back at uni now -no more cleaning and fighting! I can just look after me, which is so what I need right now! anyway plans for tomorrow have been set -watching the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy!!!! Should be fun and I can spend the next four weeks loving my crazy student life of my first year.