May's Update

Hi, it feels like awhile since I was last on this blog, even though its been a little over a month. I've not been as busy as I should have been this passed month. I've been writing a story a day for my other blog and working on my novella as well as another short story I've been kinda thinking about making longer. I've been doing what feels like a lot of reading, but isn't really! I've also been following Britain's Got Talent -thank God for the fast forward button though!- and going to work.

My main contraction has been on my driving lessons. I had my driving examine today and though I only got 5 small faults, I got a serious one and thus failed. I'm really frustrated by it and I think the examiner was being a bit unfair. I was carrying out the reversing around a corner move and just as I was about to straighten up and reverse just a bit more back, a Land Rover came behind me. I stopped, believing the driver was going to overtake me and I did give him/she the chance too. However, the road was narrow and I think they believed/knew there wasn't enough room. I then decided to carry on reversing backwards and as my car came straight, the Land Rover rushed passed me. I did stop again, but it seems that I wasn't being observant enough -though I genuine thought I was being!- for me to pass.

I've known for a little while that I need to be a bit more observant and not concentrating too long on looking in one direction. But I just didn't feel the need to do a double shoulder check when I knew there was a car beside me and all I would have been able to see is the side and back of the Land Rover. I was careful not to be moving when they overtook me and I did check again -or at least I think I did- before finishing the move.

Knowing I was so close, does make me feel bad. Perhaps, there's a reason why things turned out this way. It's one I'll probably never know and yet continue to wonder about. The driving exam is so tough. I get why it has to be and I think sometimes if some of the people I see driving unsuitably on the roads were to take the examine they'd fail. It kinda reminds me of a maths test. You spend an age learning a ton of stuff then only some of that appears on the test and afterwards, you use hardly any of it and then forget the bulk of it. Of course, you really shouldn't forget anything whilst driving. But what I'm trying to say is that somethings are just done for the test and then there's no need afterwards.

Right now, I could easily give up. I could easily say that I don't want to drive any more, that it feels pointless and that I just don't want it. But I know I only feel like that because I'm upset and frustrated by one mistake. Everyone says I should be happy that I only got 5 faults and I did really well, better than expected etc. But giving me all the praise in the world doesn't make the failure feel any less. Truthfully, I don't want to give up. Yeah, I know I'm going to end up in a bit of a situation when I do pass my test (I can't really offered the up keep of a car, nor at this moment have any real reason why I do need a car, plus a few other things. But they are for future me to figure out), present me wants it though. Just to say I can do this and here's the prove. It's sort of like another stage of being an adult and more freedom.

I'm not looking forward to paying out more money. I've just had to though as I've now re-booked my test. My driving instructor made me. He said if I didn't then it'd be harder to come back from this and I'd feel less like trying again. I feel oddly determined though, but he is probably right and I would have maybe talked myself out of re-booking it. I got to pay him for more lessons too. Though I don't really need them, I got to keep practicing and improving. At least I know what I've really got to do now and that does help. I'll just keep going and next time give it an even better shot!